My Lullaby

Something I wrote a while ago. So I'm uploading it :D

Sing me the lullaby

Sing me to sleep

The darkness surrounds me

My soul you should keep

And if I die before I wake

I pray for you my soul to take

 

I sing of dreams

That pass us by

And still I often wonder why

 

I sing of dreams

When children Cry

And still I often wonder why

 

Sing with me a frightful tune

We will dance

Under the moon

Sing with me a lullaby

And we will float in to the sky

 

I sing of laughter

I sing up high

And still I often wonder why

 

I sing of sorrow

I sing of lies

And watch as all say their goodbyes

 

Sing me the lullaby

Sing me to sleep

The darkness surrounds me

My soul you should keep

And if I die before I wake

I pray for you my soul to take

 

Our Souls are lost in the deep sea

And when I sing they come to me

And as I wish your souls away

I know that I will go too someday

 

Singing my lullaby…. 

Reviews

[Jennifer Pennington]

Wicked piece!

[Amaunet]

as a whole a great write, only a few things that tripped the flow up for me.

1) you wrote "... and still i often wonder why..." the flow might go a lil eaiser if you remove the "i" and have it just say and still often wonder why, as you've already showed that you are the subject.

2) you wrote "...Our Souls are lost in the deep sea...." i think just leaving the word sea out of it would work a lil better here as a way of conveying a feeling of being lost, since when you're lost you don't know where you are.

3) you wrote "..i know that i will go too someday...." maybe switch the sentence structure to say i too will go someday.

Just my suggestions, but again a very nicely written poem.