Kindness

Today I received a lesson in kindness and grace from an unlikely source.

 

“You stopped being kind to me a long time ago,” My ex-husband said. And nothing's changed. I am the man I am. And I am already the man I'm going to be,"

 

He was half smiling as he spoke...

 

I paused. I was about to snap back, “What have you done to deserve my kindness?”

But I didn’t. I thought about it...

 

I'd always felt justified being unkind to him. He was a terrible husband and he’s among the worst as fathers go. But he was right. What have I accomplished being unkind to him all these years? What have I gained? What prize have I won? Have I hurt him any? Changed him?

 

No. He was smiling.

 

What has he done to deserve my kindness? The question should be what has he done to deserve all the time and energy that I’ve wasted being angry and unkind.

What satisfaction do I get? Do I sleep more soundly at nights? Do I feel better about myself?

 

No. I don’t. I thought about how long I've been angry and all the stones that I've thrown and the time I've wasted, and what a shame.

 

I didn't realize until that moment that I couldn't hurt him without hurting myself. I couldn't throw stones without getting hit too. Revenge is seldom as sweet and fulfilling as we think it will be. It hasn't been for me. I needed to be kind to someone who does not deserve my kindness, not for him, for my well being, my peace of mind and happiness. 

 

One of my dad's favorite quote on kindness is by John E. Southard. "The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you."

I didn’t say anything else to him. The old adage will always hold true. If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything.

 

I had nothing to say.

 

I thought about the few fights that Kenny and I have had. Two, to be exact, in all the years we’ve known each other. And I’ve said things that I will forever regret saying. Being regretful doesn't mean that I haven't forgiven myself. I have.

 

I went home and apologized to him again. "It is never my intention to be hurtful and unkind. I respect you too much. I love you too much," I said.

 

“I know,” he said kissing my forehead. “Just when I think that I can’t love you anymore. I love you more,” 

 

I aspire to show kindness at all times in my life. I may not always. But I will catch myself and seek forgiveness. I will hold myself accountable and thrive to be better. I don't have to be right about anything. I would rather have a loving, peaceful relationship than be right. Most of my battles are fought on principle.

 

Words are powerful. They can bring you to your knees. Cut you to the core. Shake the very foundation on which you stand. Destroy your relationships...  

 

We have to be aware of the things we say and do. We have to think about the impact. Be aware of the way we talk to our brothers and sisters. Husbands and wives.  Boyfriends and girlfriends. Be aware of what we say to our children...

 

"The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word unsaid."
Unknown author.