Nonsense

7/11/17

Why must it be so simple to build up walls, yet close to impossible to ever tear them down? Why is it that when I ask someone how they're doing, they almost always lie to me? Please, will you open up to someone? Does anyone truly show themselves to the world? We try to hide it -- our flaws, our mistakes, our transgressions -- and we plaster on a face that could never be our own. Even the most outgoing person has their secrets. The social butterfly has their dirty, terrible lie hidden away where no one can see it. The sensible, level-headed kid will be frozen awake tonight with a scene of pure evil stuck behind their eyes. I mean, does anyone really, truly open up about their filthy, disgusting self? Or do we all just show off our highly polished, highly practiced attitude and emotion? 

I disapprove of such fake behavior, yet aren't I exactly the same? I hide my truth, my reality, deep inside my chest where no one will ever find it. I'll make sure they don't, I tell myself. If no one knows me, no one will hate me; a simple lie we tell ourselves on a day to day basis, regardless if you're an open book or the timid wallflower. We may not even realize we're saying it at all. Who wouldn't, though? Which one of you would like to tell me every horrible thing you've done? Who would like to shout to the world what they're going through because of it? Who wants to scream their darkest secret? Will you tell me your story? Tell me who you are behind your constant disguise! 

You can almost, almost tell which ones give the false answers. Those who are new to this kind of suffering, this kind of evil, they don't know what to do. Their eyes cream, "Help me! I'm not okay, NOTHING IS OKAY!!" yet, unsmiling, they answer, "I'm doing good, how are you?". Don't lie to me. Stop trying to deceive me! It is unlawful to give false testimony, so why do you do it every single day? Every time someone asks if you're alright, every time you excuse those puffy eyes for allergies, and those scars for a simple scratch? Why can't I answer truthfully when somebody's asking for the truth? 

"Well, no, actually, I'm feeling positively dreadful today -- I've just been trying to decide if I was actually raped or if it was all my fault, and I need to figure out whether I should go on living today or not.. Also, do you know if any way to get rid of deep scar tissue? Cause I'd love to wear shorts this summer but my legs are completely covered in gashes. Anyway, how are you?"  

Or when confessing a weakness, your sin, you find the smallest, most common flaw you have and tell them. You only go skin deep, so you're not too bad, you're not too broken to them. Very few people, when asked, go "Oh yeah, well, I struggle with porn and masturbate on the daily, and I have a problem with compulsive lying, I have no backbone, no pride for what I believe in; nothing to be proud of at all, really." 

No one flat out says, "I'm 14 and O have an alcohol problem due to the fact I used to sneak out in the dead of night to meet with a guy who I actually hated. Maybe tried to kill him a few times, because I have insanity problems." 

But why? Why can't I say that? Why is that bad? What's holding me from what I want to do? Why do people put up morals when no one will ever follow them? 

Because we're broken, selfish people. We hide from our dirty truths, our disgusting realities. We're so ashamed of ourselves that we pretend we aren't. We pretend we're happy with the world. Maybe some of us are. I guess we all have our certain reasons. Maybe some religious. maybe you're conscience won't allow for it. We're all human, after all. 

So why do you hide yourself?