4 years ago

Looking back 4 years ago at the passing of my father.

 

 

We stood around the bed, holding onto eachother, watching as the "death rattle" kept my father from falling asleep. It was clear that the cancer would win the final battle. For six months my father had fought the disease: radiation, chemotherapy, prayer, and faith, but there was time about two weeks ago where he decided that it would be better to live out his last days with his family, than to stay cooped up in a hospital away from everything familiar. He outlived both of his parents -- his mother by eight years and his father by one, he was able to watch both of his kids marry, he even had grandbabies, one thing he didn't have though was gray hair. It is unnatural to die without gray hair. I didn't think it was fair to take someone's life, when there were people who were ready to kill themselves or old men and women waiting impatiently for their day to come. My mother asked my sister-in-law, Stormi, to sing for my father. My dad always loved to hear her sing; it was rare for us to have the opportunity because she sang mostly at church -- a church my parents and I wouldn't pass through the threshold. But, standing there, tears in our eyes, we were not thinking about our differences, we were preparing to let the man of our family go. Stormi began singing ... "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound..."  My chest felt like someone had placed a bag of bricks on me, sucking the breath from my lungs, tears stung my eyes. I forced myself to hold back the huge sobs attempting to break through the brick wall... "That saved a wretch like me..." Her voice was low, quiet; she was able to get the words out without any catches in her voice. It was a gift from heaven to hear her sing. As she continued to sing, my father relaxed, my brother, mother and I each took turns leaning in and kissing him, assuring him we understood he needed to just let go. As Stormi started the second verse, my father's breathing was no longer labored, in fact, it was becoming more sporadic. There was a peace that filled the room, whether it was a supernatural being, God, or just the comfort of knowing that my dad wasn't going to be suffering anymore, we all leaned in, held eachother close and watched as he took his last breath.

 

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

  

T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

  

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

  

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

  

When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.

  

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,    
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.