Skin Crawlers

you should smile more, he said 

in his crisp white shirt 

buttoned over a vest 

more money in the bank 

than hairs on his chest

I mock you, my dear 

everyday in my head 

don’t talk to me about your car

I’m a twenty-three year old poet

working behind a bar  

remember your wife at home

I can see her now

preparing your throne.

middle aged women, may be impressed

but I’d rather watch and laugh, 

here in my head 

because I know, Sir 

deep down 

you’re just another soul that’s dead.

Reviews

[Desert Rose]

gah..
haven't been here in almost 2 months,
i missed a few things..
loved this one!
argh..don't talk to me about corporate dogs..:(

[Kirsty Woodward]

I've been away from here for a while also.
Hope you're good.

[EnglishMajor55]

"more money in the bank than hair on his chest", probably the best thing I've heard in my life. Good humour used to lighten an actual issue.

Good work :)

[Kirsty Woodward]

Thank you :)

[alanwgraham]

Excellent observation - your poem rings very true and I suspect you have come across this specimen before! A bit of humour always helps too.
Great work.
Alan.

[Kirsty Woodward]

Thanks Alan.

[Christopher Patrick]

This poem had me smiling – especially the lines ''more money in the bank
than hairs on his chest.'' Also, there was a good rhythm and flow and overall was a quite entertaining read. One question, Is there a reason for the style of the 14 and 15 lines?

[Kirsty Woodward]

Thank you Christopher.
What do you mean? Are you talking about sonnets?

[Pete]

Wow, quite a social commentary. Sad but true. Unfortunately there are many like this. Nicely done.

[Kirsty Woodward]

Thank you Pete :)

[elvenom]

I can quite relate to this, since I, and many others here bear witness to ordinary people with their boring daily life, covered in emptiness of the soul. They cannot understand the higher perspective and the bigger picture of life and I don't know how to deal with them. You say laugh, but sometimes it's sad. Anyway, work well done.

[Kirsty Woodward]

I've only just seen this. Beautiful comment, it's moved me.

Personally, I have to laugh because otherwise I get angry, and laughter is better for the soul than anger.

Thank you Elvenom.

[Ruth]

This is such a reality...all too often...some don't realise that some people don't go for the flash and bling...great piece :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

no wonder the middle aged women laugh...he is Joe Suave, and yet has a woman who loves him waiting at home...

and he is a vagrant lover...

so sad...i love the bartender's comment...she is the smart observer here.

j.

[H.L. Cerveise]

I like the concept of skin crawlers being the humans who go through life not feeling much, thinking little about things other then work or making money. I love your line, "you're just another soul that's dead."

Well done.

[Kirsty Woodward]

Lovely observation.