Chapter 1

The first chapter in my little story. The next chapter might come in early May.

CH 1

Here we go again. As his lifeless body floated out the airlock into the dark void that is space, I couldn't help but wonder; "Will this happen again?" I didn't hang out with him often, but I never would have thought he would kill his own brother. James Baker, son of a famous scientist, murdered his brother, Adam Baker on February 7, 2192. I am still trying to process our current situation; A corrupt AI that was suppose to take care of us, is now making us kill each other to get out of our current situation. I understand his motives but... This isn't right! When an animal is caged in, devoid of their natural habitat, it's dark side begins to show.

*One week earlier*

"Ring ring, ring ring! Wake up you lazy bum! It is time to enjoy the day to help preserve mankind!" The A.I chirped with enthusiasm trying to capture my attention. 

"Urghhh... what time is it?"

"It is currently 7:30 AM. The time I always wake you up!"

I've been telling her for years that 7:30 is an unhealthy time for us to wake up. 12 seems more doable for all of us but she keeps on saying that it's against protocol to change the schedule without authorization. 

"Wake up Makoto! Don't make me turn on the gravity!" 

She wouldn't do that. There's no way she would do that. I might get injured on something. THUNK! Sure enough I came crashing down, smashing my head against the bed frame. My head was throbbing but, I was more concerned with what fell on. It was my gaming controller! How could I be so careless! Did I not put it back in the cabinet? Come to think of it, I didn't use yesterday. For some reason the TV and console were on. Just then I heard a sound under my bed. She was asleep under my bed... how did she even get in here again? There shouldn't be any reason for her to come in here, everyone has the same items in their room. The most important question is, why was she playing Super Duper Warfare... it sucks.

"Hey! Izzy! Wake up!" I shouted in her ear.

She didn't even flinch. "She's nocked out... I guess I have to carry her back to her room."

Isabella Auditore, my best friend, tends to somehow find her way into my room. She always says that her family are a bunch of assassins. I can't figure out how anybody is able to break into a room that has some of the most advanced security systems installed. "Hey AI unlock her room. I'm taking her there."

"Be careful! Isabella seems to have gained a little weight since the last time you did that." The AI said in an annoyed tone.

"Someone sounds a little pissy this morning."

*

The ship's grey hallways always feel like an endless maze to me. Izzy's room is on the other side of the ship, right past everyone else's rooms... I assume that everyone is in the mess hall so I won't have to explain what happened if someone were to bump into us. As if on cue, I came across her.

"AHHH! M-M-Makoto!" The girl said nervously.

"G-Good morning Jessica... How are you?"

Jessica Ackermann. She's smart, way beyond cute, shy and above all else... my crush.

"Well, uhhh... so far so good. Why are you carrying Ms. Auditore?"

"Oh, well, she snuck into my room and I found her passed out. So I'm taking her back to her room."

"You better not have done anything to her!"

"Of course i didn't! I didn't even know she was in there! Anyway I have to get her to her room. I'll see you at the mess hall later."

We parted ways and I continued to Izzy's room. I can't believe I had a conversation with Jessica! Definitely not a fun situation for me but still a conversation none the less! If only I wasn't carrying Izzy then I would have talked with her more. From behind me I heard a voice say to me, "You could have invited her to come along with us."

"Izzy? You're awake?"

"I was awake the whole time. I knew you would carry me back to my room, so you became my legs."

"You little hitchhiker ..."

"Now then my noble steed! to the mess hall!"She shouted while pointing in the direction of the mess hall.

"How about you get off me!" I threw her off my back and we then proceeded to go have breakfast.

Reviews

[Al Javier]

So, is there by any chance Abstergo is involved in this story? Kidding aside, there's a good world here, but the concept needs a little more substance to it.

As for the chapter itself, I really don't know what direction this is going to take. Where's the rest of the plot? All we got was the small paragraph above, then the rest of the stuff below just details a sort of day-in-the-life situation. I can't help but feel underwhelmed in the first chapter. We never see what happens next to the actual story presented in the first paragraph, we want to see that instead.

Also, the piece could use some formatting. Better spacing and larger fonts would greatly help. You might want to proofread it while you're at it. I can see a few misspelled words and odd quirks in the dialogue.

The piece overall needs a lot of work. It has the imagination it needs, just not the actual delivery. You could also omit your character list, that kind of thing needs to be written down on a notebook or journal if you have one. That way, you can connect the plot based on their motivations and existing backstory, which will follow-through with their roles in the story.

Keep writing, I am certain this will get good in no time.