I Miss You (Personal Narrative)

Oof I have this on other account but I don't like that one

Before you start reading:

- Create is a nickname for the place I go to school

- Elise is my sisters name

- This is all real stuff that actually happened

Do you ever miss someone so much and all you want to do is see them again? All you want is change the past so that they might just still be here? All you want is to hold them in your arms and tell them it will be okay?

I guess May 21, 2018 all started as a normal morning, I woke up to the unpleasant sound of my alarm going off at 5:30. I kind of just layed in my bed for a while because I didn't want to get up yet. Eventually, I was dressed and went to eat breakfast. I walked up the tall staircase to exit the basement, I walked past the door leading to the garage and headed to the kitchen. 

After I had been eating breakfast for a few minutes my mom came into the kitchen, "Did Elise get up yet?" she asked me. "No, she's probably being slow," I replied. My mom walked into the hallway and knocked on the door to my sisters room, no one answered. I didn't really think much of it until my mom opened the door to my sisters room. "Elise?" I heard her say, still I didn't hear my sister reply. From where I was sitting in the kitchen I could see my mom walk into my sisters room. "What!?" I heard her shout.

When I heard my mom shout I ran into my sisters room, my mom was sitting on my sisters bed clutching a piece of notebook paper. My heart was racing, I ran over to my mom and read the paper. I was reading the paper so fast, the whole time thoughts were racing in the back of my head, telling me that something bad had happened. I can't really remember what that paper said, but I most clearly remember the last words, "Please be happy. Sincerely, Elise Bailey"

"Do you think she ran away?" I franticly asked my mom. "Go check all the rooms in the house," she told me while getting up to look for my sister. We checked every room in the house and we couldn't find her. My mom looked at me and she told me "Aubrey, it's going to be okay, we'll find Elise, just go to school, the bus is almost here," I didn't know what was happening, but I still grabbed my backpack and walked out the front door. "I love you," I told my mom as I left. I was trying to keep myself from crying as I walked down the driveway. When I was about halfway down the driveway I heard one of the most terrifying sounds, my mom was screaming. 

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned back to my house. "That definitely wasn't real. My brain must be tricking me. I'm just freaking out to much," I thought, and so, I made a decision that I so deeply regret now that I look back, I kept walking to the bus.

I had been on the bus for about 10 minutes which felt like forever, music was blaring in my ears to stop my mind from thinking. I had been texting my sister and asking her where she was. I was trying so hard not to cry but no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I told myself it would be okay I couldn't stop.  

The bus was about to pass my house for the second time, when we drove past I could see that my garage door was open, there were police cars, and there was an ambulance. After that I just didn't care if people judged me for crying because I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to think about it but I knew what had happened, my sister was dead.

After going to my locker I grabbed my Chromebook and walked into Create as usual. A few people gave me questionable looks, probably because I was doing a terrible job at hiding the fact that I was dying on the inside. I moved my tag for attendance and sat at my usual spot for cohort. A few of my friends noticed I was crying and asked me what was wrong, I couldn't say what happened, my body wouldn't let me so instead I told them I was fine. 

I couldn't bear to sit in class anymore so I got up and left Create and walked to the bathroom. I went into a stall and cried, I told myself it would be okay, that none of this was real. After I somewhat composed myself I went back to Create. 

It was only second period when a counselor came and took me to the office. They brought me into a private room and told me my mom was here to see me. My mom came in with a box of tissues in her hand, she was crying and she ran to me and hugged me so hard. I hugged her back and we stayed there hugging and crying for a few seconds. My mom sat down next to me "This might be difficult for you," the counselor told me "but, your sister Elise has made the choice to kill herself," 

I miss my sister so much, the last night I talked to her we were watching the Billboard Music Awards because she wanted to see BTS. There has never been a day since she died that I haven't wished I could have saved her. Sometimes I dream that I could go back to that night, I would have heard her walking to the garage and I would run upstairs and stop her, I would tell her that suicide is not the answer. 

There are so many things I wish I told my sister, so many things I wish I asked her, so many things I wish I could change. My sister shouldn't have died, she was going to be an EMT when she grew up, she was so beautiful and she had such a bright future ahead of her. She was only finishing her freshman year when she died.

I'm not angry at my sister for what she did. I know that she had a lot of things pressuring her. She had problems with my parents, girls at school, sexuality, and probably a lot of other things she never told anyone. No one was expecting my sister to kill herself, she seemed like a perfectly normal teenage girl.

I love my sister and I miss her, I'm so lucky to have had her as a sister for 14 years. She was beautiful, talented, kind, and caring. I'll never know what led her to do what she did.