A Doctor's Fight

The rain spattered against the big windows,
hard and cruel.
Thunder's deep laugh boomed
and heralded the arrival
of what I dreaded the most
for him,
Death.
The dark robed witch
glided quietly,
as nature's forces guided it,
nearer and nearer to him.
But I stood firm..
The Soldier of Life,
The Guardian of Hope.

He looked up at me.
His eyes a mosaic
of pain, of hurt, of loss.
He was not my father,
or my brother.
He was neither my friend,
nor my lover.
But I worshiped him,
for he was my patient.
I respected him like my father,
protected him like my brother,
cared for him like my friend,
and loved him like my lover.

His hand tightly clasped in mine,
he breathed in relief,
as with me his life lay.
With God on my side,
I took up the fight
and unsheathed my sword of knowledge.
My each move calculated,
I struck, dodged and struck again.

Thunder let out a final cry,
as the witch receded away.
The seven colored flag of Victory
waved in the sky,
as sun smiled upon
the Life I'd just saved.

Author's Note

I've tried to portray the nobility of a doctor. Please let me know if I've managed to convey the right message.

Reviews

[Salar Majak]

no you didn't manage to portray it, i'm sorry
YOU MASTERED IT!!!!!
this is my favorite poem of the day
beautiful noble emotions!
wow girl!!!! you have an amazing talent!!!!
beautiful!!!

Thunder let out a final cry,
as the witch receded away.
The seven colored flag of Victory
waved in the sky,
as sun smiled upon
the Life I'd just saved.

i mean seriously, with an imagination like yours, you can rule the universe!
beautiful poem
great job Poet!!

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you soo much!!!! :) :) :)

[Salar Majak]

you are very welcome :)

[Augustus]

A very nice poem indeed, Zoya. What I liked about the beginning of the poem is that you have set it up as a confrontation of Death with the Doctor. Usually, it's the patient who's portrayed as the one fighting Death. You've described the Doctor's fight with Death pretty well too. If I were you, I wouldn't use the phrase "Sword of knowledge". I'd just say sword and leave it at that. To me, "of knowledge" is an unnecessary clarification that takes away from the aesthetic appeal of the stanza.
The last stanza is absolutely mindblowing! I read it, shook my head, blinked a few times and read it again. It is so sensationally creative that I almost fell off my chair! I have never ever seen the rainbow described as "the seven colored flag of victory". It is pure genius.
The only real negative in your poem is the second stanza. Especially because your last stanza exudes such class, the second by comparison feels rather pedestrian and mundane. This inconsistency in quality across stanzas is what is holding your poem from standing atop the hallowed pedestal of greatness. Mind you that is generally a very hard thing to achieve so it doesn't undermine you're poetic talent one bit.
I think you have all the makings of an exceptional poet. If you achieve that elusive consistency, I reckon you'll be among the best in the world. Good luck!

[Zoya Sahai]

It's an interesting revelation indeed and I am really happy to know that you reviewed my poem stanza by stanza. I was totally unaware of the inconsistency you mention but now that you've pointed it out to me, I'll try to acquire that consistency with the stanzas. Thank you so much!!

[Augustus]

You're welcome! I think this site is as much about learning from each other as it is about writing. I have benefited from reviewers' comments too. So I try to do my best for others. :)

[Zoya Sahai]

I totally agree. It's really helpful when a fellow poet gives some guidance. Thank you for your efforts! :)

[Reeti]

There are plenty of malicious doctors (other than quacks) out there. So, i'm happy to acknowledge in your poem that the doctor's traits have been thrown into a positive light. The lexical choice is favorable. The imagery, aural and tactile sense of Death is pungent. The suspense comes from mainly the first stanza after which there are throes and philosophical expressions i have enjoyed reading.

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you so much! I am really glad you enjoyed it! :)

[Neha Godambe]

Great job Zoya! You captured it right :)

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you Neha!!!!! :)

[Pankaj Lohia]

i liked ur poem.. i wish all doctors were really like the way u described.. but these i'm very critical about docs.. anyways.. nice poem :) well written.

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you. :)

[Pankaj Lohia]

welcome :)

[zainul]

Congratulations,Zoya!!!
You are allowed by the Almighty to fight for the well being of your patient.
I appreciate your wonderful work.
You have honestly fought for the life of your patient.
I adore your sacrifice for humanity.

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you so much Zainul.. Your comments really inspire me to write more and better. :)

[sukrit.leo]

Now THIS is spontaneous! Great work!

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you Sukriti.. :)

[sukrit.leo]

Hang on. I'm a guy.

[Zoya Sahai]

Sorry.. Sukrit. :)

[Sami Khalil]

A nice poem. I like the ending the most...:)

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you.. :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)