The Windchime

The windchime jingled softly

in the cool breeze.

A smile touched my face lightly,

as something in me squeezed.

The soft tinkling warmed my heart,

as a sadness crept over me.

My little world of which you were a part

was torn apart despite my plea.

Little girls we were,

with cute dolls we played.

For teddy bears and rabbits with soft fur,

before bedtime we prayed.

Growing up with you,

I learnt so much. 

Fashion and style, old and new,

you were a picture of elegance to me, as such.

Little secrets we'd share

and blush away for our first crush. 

For me you were always there

to guide me out and give me a push. 

But time quietly slithered

into the depths of my little nest.

And I watched as my world withered, 

hurt, broken, not withstanding the harsh test.

Life has now become a maze,

in the bowels of which we lost our way. 

But the memories we had, are hard to erase, 

for the sake of which, to find you again, I pray.

The windchime jingled softly

in the cool breeze. 

A smile touched my face lightly,

as something in me squeezed. 

Author's Note

I have tried to portray in this poem the distance time has created between me and my sister as we grew up and got busy with our lives and careers..

Reviews

[Essence London]

It works: the image of a windchime juxtaposed with a longing tone. Also closing the poem with the beginning stanza gives it repetition of sound, similar to the subject.

Perhaps telling your readers beforehand what the poem is about explicitly is too much too soon. I found myself expecting certain things. Please do explain to us the origin of the poem; it helps us get to know you better. Try revealing this information after the poem though, in the Note to Reviewers section.

I look forward to reading more from you.

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you Essence. I'll keep this in mind.. I actually wanted to portray how time has distanced me from my sister and how we are busy in our lives now.
Thank you very much for pointing out the flaw.

[00000000000000000000000..]

That was very beautiful Zoya:)

[Michael G. Smith]

It amazes me the little subtleties the mind locks away to once again be opened brings us back down memory's lane. I have several wind chimes surrounding my home and many Fridays when my wife is at work and I am all alone I watch and listen to them and the natural seemingly insignificant things that go on around them. The wind chimes seem to have a calming effect upon my soul as did reading your poem. There are many distractions in this life and like me when I was young let them lead upon paths of pain. I am so grateful for Jesus Christ leading me, teaching me, giving me back to eternal peace. Thanks for sharing a part of you.

[Zoya Sahai]

I am glad you caught the feeling of the poem so well. It is indeed soothing to listen to a windchime tinkle softly. Thanks!!

[Michael G. Smith]

My wife put one on a shelf near our family room entrance, we always forgets its there until the breeze you make from walking in the room makes it soft subtle chime. Its sound is always so soothing. I was surprised how much I enjoy it.

[Inda]

You are highly effective in your choice of words here and I'd say you accomplished what you set out to do; the nostalgia is flowing throughout this piece and it is beautiful!

[Clockwork]

I think that you have portrayed that loss and the growing apart of your paths very well. Your thinking starts with that small squeeze inside and then grows larger. That seventh stanza really delivers the feeling you are going for, as it is a very moving set of lines. I have felt similar things with my own sister and the direction of our lives.

Also, I wanted to mention that I think the form you use for this poem is good with the abab rhyme scheme and the quatrains.

I wish both of you the best. May your paths once again intertwine in bliss and sisterhood.

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you so much!!

[Clockwork]

You're welcome :-)

[Shivam Murari]

The windchime word itself ringed the tone of pleasure in my head. It is so nice to see how you begin and end with the same theme , despite everything progressing, in the wrong direction in life. Nicely done :)

[Zoya Sahai]

Thanks! :)

[Shivam Murari]

:)

[shivohumsohum]

Something in the way the wind blows
sometimes making pipes collide, sometimes hearts,
faces light so radiant to squeeze the light out of the stars.

[fireblossom]

This was quite emotional for me. The jingle of wind chimes anchored this memory. It took me back to my grandparents house on an island nearby where I now sit. I smelled the summer warmth and felt as if my sister and cousins were just around the corner. I felt your heart as I read your poem. Lovely indeed.

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you so much! I am really glad you could connect to it well! Thanks!

[Hotwater]

Very good work... it gives a deep memory sigh. Well done.

*bird*

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you!! :)

[Sami Khalil]

Thank you for taking us down your memory lane that is so relatable to each and where we find gained and lost moments...It is always a pleasure visiting ...:)

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you so much! I was a but doubtful about this one, but I guess I did'nt do such a bad job after all!

[Sami Khalil]

Oh. please don't . Keep on penning and don't worry or have second thoughts ...:)

[Zoya Sahai]

Thank you..! :)

[Pankaj Lohia]

really nicee poem.. loved it... very sweet.. very well written... has a nice flow