Diet Coke Addiction

If you have the Diet Coke monkey on your back, read this story for a smile.

I'm looking to quit drinking diet coke again this week.  In honor of yet another impending failure in my unending battle against diet coke addiction, I thought I'd repost one of my first stories on the cafe.  I've been trying to get the diet monkey off my back for a very long time.   

 

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I have come to realize in the past bunch of years that I have a very addictive personality.  The sad thing is, I don't have that many bad habits.  I drink only occasionally (I never drink at home on my own), I don't smoke, I don't do drugs... and all of that is a very good thing.  Addiction is in the genes:  my brother was an alcoholic, and my mother is an anorexic/bulemic.  My addictions, in no particular order of preference, are salt, diet coke, candy, and more recently, writing stories on-line.   I'm such a panzy when it comes to addiction, I think I'd be completely screwed if I ever became a drug addict.

 

The reason I think I'm a wuss when it comes to addiction stems from the few times I have tried to quit my bad habits in recent years.  I tried cutting out diet coke a bunch of years back - I made it about three days.  After the first day, I had the usual symptoms of a recovering caffeine addict: fatigue, insomnia, headache, and a profound inability to concentrate.  I thought these symptoms would subside after a little bit, but they continued to get worse and worse into the end of the second day. 

 

The third day is where things got really strange.  After a restless night, I finally fell asleep for about 15 minutes.  During those 15 minutes, I had the following dream (I swear to God I am not making this dream up):

 

I walked into a dark, damp cave.  I followed a winding tunnel for a long time, and eventually I noticed a faint light in the distance.  I made my way to the faint light, where I found that the cave opened up into a huge cavern.  At the top of the cavern was a small opening in the ceiling, shining a veritable halo of light into the dead center of the room.  At the perfect center of the halo was a large golden pedestal.  On top of the pedestal was the largest 7/11 Big Gulp you've ever seen, almost overflowing with sweet, sweet diet coke.  Oh my little caffeine goodness, sweet nectar of the gods, how I missed you so!

 

Almost like some cloying romantic movie, I started running towards the Big Gulp in slow motion - arms spread wide and slightly behind me.  At some point in the run, I believe I started skipping - until I ran head first into an invisible wall around the pedestal, and was knocked 3 feet backwards, directly onto my a*s. 

 

I spent the rest of the dream pounding on the invisible wall, trying desperately to find any small opening in the seemingly impenetrable shield.  Picture the scene in A Streetcar Named Desire where Stanley screams 'STELLA" to the heavens; that sort of angst and longing, but directed towards diet coke.  

 

My will completely broken at that point, I woke up from the dream, immediately went downstairs, and slammed an entire 2-liter.  Needless to say, I'm going to avoid starting a heroin addiction any time soon.

 

Would it be a horrible insult to drug addicts everywhere if I showed up at an AA meeting for a diet coke addiction?

 

 

Reviews

[Jet Lag]

lmao, but how i relate! friday, i admitted to my students that i am a caffeinne addict. it hits me hard when i sleep late on saturdays. i actully feel better if i have a diet pepsi (actually diet pepsi max) on the beside for immediate injection when i awake early on saturday... sips then i can go back to sleep. i think most people are addicted to something, alcohol, substances, porn, work, another person, their children, controlling other people, the internet, exercise, sex, sports...

very well and clearly written. i like your style.

btw, drug addicts might be at a na meeting, alcoholics attend aa. that's what i've heard. ;)

[boyinblue]

haha, and I thought I was the only one! I drank so much my teeth and bones hurt too. I finally quit though, replaced it with water and tea. The aspartame in diet coke also causes a lessening of your sperm count. :S
So keep that in mind.

"COKE: So good it messes up your balls. But don't worry, you won't get fat."

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

All you have to do is swap Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi for Diet Coke and this reads me through and through. Nope, I have no other horrible addictions either; but I might if you take away my "DWCP" fix! Thanks for the laugh tonight! I'm just snooping through old postings and HAD to read this one. :-) Sharon

[richard hurndall]

It's the aspartame. Diet drinks have an artificial sweetener that is known to have addictive qualities. Some people say it's potentially dangerous- not me, I love the stuff, especially Diet coke with lime. I've never drank 2 litres, but I'll try anything once!

[Brenda Sue]

I love this. Sad but hilarious too. Very well written. Wonderfully penned. Great job.