A Song for Those I've Lost

I like to play the piano; I find playing and writing music helps me get bad emotions out of my head.  Years ago, I wrote a song for my brother and my ex-girlfriend.  My ex-girlfriend was raped while I was away at Christmas, and understandably was seriously fractured psychologically by the incident.  She eventually moved away to distance herself from the horrible experience, and we completely lost contact.  My brother drugged himself into a coma multiple times before he finally died. 

 

Here are the lyrics to the song I wrote for both of them, an attempt to come to grips with my powerlessness over both situations.

 

 

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Verse:

 

I wanted to help so badly,

but all I tried just made it worse.

Sometimes there's just no script to follow,

and so little time to rehearse.

But now you're gone forever

and I've been left behind.

There's no way to do it over,

no chance to rewind.

I'm not a religious man,

and I don't know what good it can do,

but if there's a hope I'll shout into the darkness,

and say a prayer for you.

 

Chorus:

 

I'll pray for you,

Because there's nothing left to do.

I'll pray for you,

and hope there's a god to pull you through.

I'll pray for you,

Sometimes your best is just the least that you can do...

I'll pray for you.

 

Verse:

 

I never believed before what happened,

and now it seems twice as absurd.

A desparate act to be taken,

with so little chance to be heard.

It contradicts everything I know,

but if there's any possibility it's true,

I'll become a hypocrite,

and say one last prayer for you.

 

Chorus:

 

I'll pray for you,

Because there's nothing left to do.

I'll pray for you,

and hope there's a god to pull you through.

I'll pray for you,

Sometimes your best is just the least that you can do...

I'll pray for you.

 

 

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As an agnostic, if there's a God, I'm guessing I'm not in his/her best graces.  So for all you believers out there, I ask you... say a prayer for my brother Christopher Patrick and my ex-girlfriend Rebecca.  To me, prayer is a lottery, but I hope I can help them with a few more tickets.

Reviews

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

heartbreaking. gosh how poignantly heartbreaking. as a rather muddled agnostic myself, i know the confusion that comes all too well. i don't know what specific god i beliebe in, so who am i to say what will come, or who is right? throwing pennies into the void for the care of those we need, and miss, so terribly can't ever be a wasteful thing..

i hope you are finding peace with it. it's a singularly difficult thing to do, i know. and the little moments of grief still hit me even now, but.. life does go on. and there lies the hope and (to me) a further grief.. life goes on. things fade with time. double edged sword, that...

[justjenn_2u]

I will say a prayer. I used to pray some empty prayers but now I believe they are heard. I admire that you are asking for prayers as an agnostic. This poem shows true loss and that you were hit twice as hard with it. I felt it in your words.

[Brenda Sue]

I can feel your pain in these words and a lot of emotion. Very well written. I am sorry you feel the way you do about prayer but I see hope in that you have asked for it. Wonderfully penned. Great job.

[Cold Coffee Magazine]

Nothing special has ever happened to or for anyone I've ever prayed for that I know of.....but why not? Maybe this time things might work out differently...

Another fine write. Did it help getting it all out like this? I hope so.

Dave