Sadness is a Pesky, Unwanted Friend

A Story by KioneCookie

My computer started updating while I was writing.

But in their eyes, he saw all the sadness in the world.

Kione did not turn their head back to look at Martin. They couldn’t.

Sadness was a foreign beast to the doctor. The emotions they had come to know in their life had been shallow and based on themselves-they were usually amusement, the occasional frustration. But sadness, a kind that ran so deep, so endless, like a sea in their soul...this was never known.

Yes, it had been ‘sad’ to lose their grandparent, to lose the knowledge of a time past and the language they had brought with them. Yes, it had been sad to wave goodbye to their family as she stormed out, unable to stand their devotion to Pariah. But it had not been like this, not this crushing, empty feeling that everything they had known was warped.

And it was. They had been shown undeniable proof that it was.

They had been so sure, so sure that they would keep themselves in the Engine. They were intelligent and sane, they knew what they were getting into and they knew the risks and was still confident they would be fine. But there had been things, pieces of them that had slipped through the cracks. They had thought, honestly thought, that they had a been a doctor in Pariah, that Martin had been their friend and boss.

But no, no they had not. They had been an executive, a person of more power. They had been looking at the procedures, that’s how they learned...but they had forgotten it, they had forgotten so much! They forgot those they had damned to the project, forgot their prestige and their past.

This sadness was born of the realization they had not been as powerful as they had once thought of themselves, as stable. And then, the sadness turned to find an outlet-anger.

“God damn it!” It was like a feral roar torn from someplace long forgotten and buried deep within. Kione struck out at the wall, feeling their fist connect and the give-of both the sheetrock wall and the bones in their hand. They cursed aloud again, a string of nearly unintelligible swears, stumbling backwards and onto broken bits of the wall. It bit into the bare skin of their foot, but by now they could not find a single care in the world.

They felt Martin grab their shoulder and pull them back, felt those arms wrap around their chest and a gentle hum of words. It had been a lie, they didn’t deserve that confidence they had in themselves...they would never be able to have it again. But with those arms around them, Kione calmed, releasing a deep sigh.

They turned about, slowly, feeling the pain in their feet in full now. AND THEY ALL DIED THE ENDDDD COMPUTER-KUN WHY THIS

WHY MUST YOU SUDDENLY SHT DWON WITHOUT ME SAVNG

111!!!!!!1