The Topic of Death and Gore in the Workplace

A Story by KioneCookie

A formal email sent to employees of the Pariah Corporation.

By: Dr. Kione Barkovsky

It has occurred to me that I openly talk about gore, horror, and death at work. Frankly, I don’t think any of you should give two s***s about what I talk about. But, it’s obvious that I freak some people out. Now, I love gore-y stuff on many levels, and it made me think about how quite a bit of our employees are younger than me, and what kind of example I’m setting for others who work alongside me, and who are interested in what I have to say.

Personally, I’m obsessed with death. I’m kept awake most nights by thanatophobia, and in the past I even tried heavily drinking just to fall asleep. (It works for the most part, even though when I wake up I have a MASSIVE hangover.) When I went to a school for psychology, it piqued my interest when the teacher started talking about phobias and their treatment. One of the only reliable treatments for phobias is ‘exposure therapy’, which means you have to be introduced to the object of fear until it no longer scares you, or you’re at least able to cope with its existence/presence. After learning that, I tattooed “Soviens toi que tu vas mourir” (“remember that you are dying”) on my forearm where I could always see it. Admittedly, not one of my best ideas, and since it’s in French people keep asking me to explain it.

Anyhoo, I was not content with what I had learned, so I studied death and gerontology at school, and volunteered at hospice care. I photographed road kill (I still have those pictures in my desk, if you want to see them.) and followed a site that posts graphic news stories with photographs of real gore and murder. I’m not numbing myself to it so much as teaching myself of deaths normalcy and coping with the intense painful feeling I get when I’m left to my thoughts too long.

From this, I began to enjoy and be comforted by gore. Nothing could be more real and honest than dying, and I began to see beauty in blood and guts. I would never, ever want to harm anyone or myself, nor do I think serial killers are cool. (Can I be considered one? I mean, it’s quite natural for a doctor to have a few failed operations. I am pretty new to the whole “doctor” thing anyway.) But still, the idea that someone could so freely kill another, fascinates me. Like any other topic I struggle to grasp, I’m stubborn about wanting to know all sides, and about what can happen for someone to wish death on another.

Lately I am much better at handling death. I remember holding my living kitten in my arms as I gave him away to be put down, or standing by my grandpa’s open casket while holding tissues and water for my grandma. Death is around us all the time just as prevalent as life, and I don’t think it’s wrong or disgusting to find it just as beautiful and interesting. It happens to everyone, and everyone will have to see others die as well. That’s why I love horror, because I enjoy death, and being scared, just as much as I love to laugh.

That’s what I think anyway.