Through These Eyes

I see things...
Spirits, hatred, love, anger.
People, animals, safety, and danger.
I see these things.

I've seen,
Death, Life, Sadness, pain.
Fire, earth, wind, and rain.
These things I've seen.

I want to see...
The face of a newborn, the smile of a lover,
Happiness throughout the world,  And a world without hunger.
These I want to see.

I will never see...
A world without pain, nor the year 3000.
The smile of one long gone, nor the face of my great-great-great-granddaughter's husband.
These, I shall never see.

Author's Note

Just wrote this in 5 minutes. What'd'ya think?

Reviews

[Riley Bray]

For five minutes, this is exceptionally done. I've really never thought about not seeing the year 3000 or my descendants fiancees, but you're absolutely correct. The only thing I have to say critique-wise is just that it doesn't seem finished, almost as if there's something important you're missing. Good job though!

[Tarry Franck]

5 minutes - great job - flows wonderfully! Thoroughly enjoyed it :)

[quixotic_rose]

This is awesome for a five minute write! It has so much depth to it as well. such quick wit to behold. nicely done :)

[Voncloud]

nice take on the different tenses, for five minutes this is very good

[Alex Vidmar]

Thank you Von.

[Brittany]

I think the different tenses are interesting and personally would probably put seen before see, but that's just me personally. I liked how specific "I want" and "I will never" were compared to "I see" and "I've seen"

[eglantine]

"I see things... / spirits" take out the other two words in that second line, or replace them with concrete objects. The words you currently ahve are just so vague... Thanks for sharing :)

[Kes]

It's amazing. :)
I've got a morbid fascination with my own mortality, so this really appeals to me. How human beings manage to deal with the surplus of information and emotion we come across in our lives, I'll never know.
Keep up the hard work!
K x

[Beck Louise]

Wow, this actually made me tear up. It's really beautiful. This really gets under my skin, amazing.

[Alex Vidmar]

I'm glad you enjoyed it that much :)

[Raven Starhawk]

It is actually remarkable what we experience in our lifetime. So much and yet as we slowly approach our end...it seems like so little. Greatly written.

[Heromen Selena]

Lovely. Beautiful rhyming and meaning to it. Keep it up :)

[Layla J Omorose]

In five minutes you came up with a moving, reflective and very good poem. the things we see are often times are not the things we want to see. The hurt and anger around the world and others. Well done