Through These Eyes

I see things...
Spirits, hatred, love, anger.
People, animals, safety, and danger.
I see these things.

I've seen,
Death, Life, Sadness, pain.
Fire, earth, wind, and rain.
These things I've seen.

I want to see...
The face of a newborn, the smile of a lover,
Happiness throughout the world,  And a world without hunger.
These I want to see.

I will never see...
A world without pain, nor the year 3000.
The smile of one long gone, nor the face of my great-great-great-granddaughter's husband.
These, I shall never see.

Author's Note

Just wrote this in 5 minutes. What'd'ya think?

Reviews

[Riley Bray]

For five minutes, this is exceptionally done. I've really never thought about not seeing the year 3000 or my descendants fiancees, but you're absolutely correct. The only thing I have to say critique-wise is just that it doesn't seem finished, almost as if there's something important you're missing. Good job though!

[Wretched Knight]

I thought it was great!

[writingurl14]

wow another beautiful poem :) your writing is amazing! Great poem

[Priscilla Sayers]

Wonderful! A stream of conscious poem where your depth of though revealed a very memorable message.

[MusicLover]

Nice! funny some of the best poetry can be writien in 5 min. or less. why was writen in about 2 min

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

I love this, I know a lot of people would agree and say that they wish they could witness things too! I think this poem is interesting and makes your readers ponder about things they see everyday, what they haven't, and lastly the things they'd like to see. Well-written, great job indeed! :D

Ashley Rivers-- Keep writing! :D

[Irene]

awww... i wish i could write that in 5 minutes. good write.

[Renny]

Good write!

[Riley]

This is a really interesting piece. It makes us think about the things we've seen with our own eyes, and the things that we will never see, and the things we would like to see.

[Becky]

I absolutely love the first two stanzas, but maybe to make it flow better:

"Happiness throughout the world, one without hunger" or some such. and:

"The smile of one long gone, the face of my great-great-great-granddaughter's husband"

Okay, that second can't really be shortened at all. It just seems like those two lines are awkwardly long.

Other than that, beautiful poem. Such powerful emotion.

[Alex Vidmar]

Danke. I appreciate the advice and comments.

[Irene]

i love the emotion portrayed. beautiful.

[Alex Vidmar]

Thank you

[Irene]

your welcome