Exit Playback

This guy dies without saying goodbye to the love of his life, even though she has no idea he even existed.

EXIT PLAYBACK

By Caleb Murray

 

            We all face death, but until we inevitably have to decide whether our lives are worth fighting for, all we can do is dream. Some dream of a better world, some just want to watch it burn (no reference to The Dark Knight masterpiece). But others, myself directly, dream of a better life.

            It’s funny how during ones intoxication, we can still think clearly about the vast consequences of death, and how we wish life would retweet us anew. Playing video games actually gives us the option to play again, to fix our sometimes catastrophic choices, to come out the hero and save the day. Sadly, that’s a load of b.s. We only get one chance to do right in this unsetting, waste of a….

 

                       Chapter one

            I wake up, look forward to another boring day at the site, take my thirty minute break, get back to work, finish for the night, go home, pass out on my bed, and dream of her. Same cycle repeated daily. Living a long and prospering life is far beyond whatever the f**k I was doing.

            That’s my life, not much of one, but it keeps me living my indicative style of a life. At times, I wonder when this cycle will end, this cycle of repetitive pain I cannot seem to escape from. The reality crashing down on me. Pretty decent idea, but life doesn’t seem to understand my lust for it. It’s not all bad, I suppose. She makes my day worth living. Far beyond it to call me a stalker, we just pass by each other on our way to work most of the time every day, suppose that’s a valid exchange. Well, actually there’s no exchange whatsoever. The mere fact that I delude myself in thinking that she actually made elusive eye contact with me is rather foolish of me. It would be a miracle if she only knew she plays an important aspect in my life. Yet too judgmental, I fear she might be towards a fool like me. Doubtlessly, it worries me. One such as me falling for a goddess like her, that would be quite the image. But one such as her falling for a wannabe delusional like me, that just will never be.

            It might not be all bad. Still have my drinking buddies, hitting the bottle every day after work. All I can do, really.  The agonizing pit we call life never truly benefits our will to survive in this ever so decreasing world. And yes, my so-called friends hate my physical theories on life as a whole. Pity, really. It’s a shame they don’t share my own thoughts regarding, well, almost everything. But I’m not too judgmental; never was, in fact. We waste our existence trying to make perfect friends that way, but in the end though, everything eventually wastes out.  Sorry, I can’t think like this anymore, my entourage needs me.

            Seems legit, I’d figure as much. Having at least one night when I’m not completely sober, well, one night a week anyway. Todd, Rodny, and Campbell all find that difficult to believe, though. The only reason as to why that is is that I actually hang on to that tiny shred of hope and purpose I have left in this life. And I don’t want to come off as a dumbass to her like they probably would. So I try to drink as little as possible, even though at times it can melt your problems away that much easier, so I give in.

            One night a week, I nearly drink myself to death.  Not that I want to die, not yet anyway. Couple of hours with my mates, endless supply of this city’s finest whiskey, only she’s still missing from the equation.  My fault really, never having enough courage just to talk to her. It’ll be the day when I do. Ask her out for drinks, romance with her a little bit maybe, but I don’t see that day coming any time soon. They try to make me forget about her, even have enough wannabe stones to call her a b***h. Nice intentions I suppose, but I can’t forget about her in a million years, let alone whenever I’m drunk. Sure, I could stop talking about her, but her image gracefully haunts everything I hold most dear to my heart. Todd won’t stop talking negatively about her, not even at all to finish his drink. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me mad though. I let it slid. Deep down, I know that Todd has literally nothing else to talk about. He’s divorced, unemployed, no family, even lives under the freeway for Christ sake. And to top that, he’s also a “recovering alcoholic”, as he would say. At a bar, drinking, talking crap about my girl, what a delusional loser. I feel bad for him, but still, he’s a loyal friend to me, even though he can say the stupidest things at times. Plus, he’s buzzed, so I can’t really judge him in the right manner.

            All Rodny and Campbell can do is just confess their problems to me and hope for some good advice. The little I have can sure mean a lot to them. Rodny’s boys’ addiction to drugs, Campbell’s new sister-in-law he secretly wants for himself, I tell them what they want to hear. That Campbell should go for it; of course, I didn’t mean that, I know that’s a tough road to take. And Rondys son, I actually tell the truth to him. That he should get his son the help he needs. They both accept my advice, without hesitation, surprisingly. We pay our tab and walk home; we all know driving drunk is a poor life choice, even though I’ve had plenty of those in my lifetime. Rodny always seems to notice even the smallest of electrical fuses of errors. Pity we never really did find out what he meant by that, well, aside from me anyway.

 

                       Chapter two

            They say ones mind goes to a completely different place while intoxicated. Ok, I made some of that up for my benefit. The reality of last nights’ affairs consisted of a tremendous amount of anything alcoholic. That being said, I wasn’t completely honest with Campbell about his nearly incestuous behavior regarding his brothers fiancé. I’ve got to set him straight regarding the possible outcome. Now, I’m a nice enough individual to find it proper to set his own friend that way, to set him on the right path. So I made an indecisive decision to visit him the next day.

            I thankfully didn’t have to wait that long to get Campbell to open his front door. Focused on what I had to say, but not quite sure how I wanted to say it, I showed no hesitation on my retrospect of his situation. But before I could finish saying it to him, I noticed a woman in his hallway, with nothing but Campbell’s Forty-niners jersey on. He then looked at me with almost sorrowful, regrettable eyes. All I could do, all I wanted to do really, was just walk away. Part of me felt sad for him. Knowing what he did was a mistake, completely regretting it by the look in his eyes. Nearly tearful, he quietly shut his door on me. I almost knocked, but hesitation ran its course on me. Minutes passed by of me just standing in front of his door like a jackass. Should I knock, should I live with the overwhelmingly fast majorities in life?  Shakespeare once wrote…..

            The sound of Campbell’s revolver nearly put me in the reality of the situation more. I quickly opened his door only to find Campbell unconscious with a hole in his left cheek, and his gun in his right hand. Campbell’s stepsister was on his bed screaming with her phone in her hand, undoubtedly trying to call for an ambulance. She couldn’t do it though. Her fingers were shaking after witnessing something like that. I slowly took her phone away to call for the ambulance myself. Shame they couldn’t get here sooner.

 

                       Chapter three

            Never thought I’d be here, eagerly waiting for results of a failed suicide attempt. Even at my utter most time of grief, seems rather formidable of me not to reach out to someone in my darkest hour. Thoughts rush in and out of my mind, no way to stop it, I don’t even know if I want them to.

            Rather suddenly, she rushes in. As if she just cancelled on one of her clients, I’d imagine. Our eyes finally meet, but she can’t find me. I stand up and walk towards her, but she doesn’t seem to notice. Struggling to say something, anything to let me know that she’s here. I even struggle to get her attention, wanting to know why she can’t see me. After minutes of her vastly looking for me, she collapses. Medical staff rush in to help her. She’s screaming as they try to save her life. But nothing seems to work. It looks like it’s too late. They stop, only to look at me and….

            I feel a slight touch on my right shoulder. So I look up, realizing I’m not in deep thought anymore, but see no one by my side. Kristen, Campbell’s stepsister, calls me. She’s already too far ahead of me. We rush to Campbell’s room, having only tolerance for good news, but only more grief followed. The doctors did everything they could apparently, explained that the shock killed him more so than the gun itself. Kind of hard for me to get my brain around that, but regardless, sadness forced our thoughts to depressed states.

            Never really thought about death until this point in my life, it’s sad really. I must admit though, incestuous behavior never does any favors for those involved. Part of me is sad really. Campbell’s passing only proves my mentality that life is full of regret and despair. No one can really judge the way we think except us I suppose. The turn out to a life we sorely want doesn’t really happen that much. Yeah sure, Campbell had his reasons, but he took them way too far.

            I came out of my dazed query only to see Todd and Rodny rushing into the hospital screaming Campbell’s name in wannabe, concerned agony, obviously drunk and stupid. I had to step out of Campbell’s room only to try my best to obtain them, to erase their future mistakes. As intoxicated as they were, I inevitably had to escort them out.

            Even though trying my best to explain to them why I had to prevent them from going back in the hospital, my attempts were unwillingly lost. At least Rodny accepted what I had to say, he even tried to partially detain Todd from going back in. Typical drunks, never ceases to amaze me how often they drink, even in the most trying of times.

            Asking Rodny to watch Todd while I went back to comfort Kristen, as much as I didn’t want to. I know Kristen didn’t do it, but part of me wants to blame her for what happened to Campbell, even though technically the whole thing was his fault. So I gathered my thoughts, and went to comfort my friends. Of course, they had no idea he was dead. So with their best interests in mind, I had no choice but to lure them away with a rather useless lie.

 

                       Chapter four

            Anywhere seemed sufficient at this point. I didn’t know whether to sober them up, or just keep them at their drunken pace. Honestly, I needed a drink myself, after all the s**t that went down tonight; it would be rather damped if I began to drink whilst getting Todd and Rodny out of their intoxicated state. Drinking is for losers, depressed individuals who would rather cry their problems away, than face them head on, which is why I decided to give in and go.

            The whole situation’s strange really, the cycle of life. The long, vast decency of any human being suffers no fate such as mine, and I gratefully thrive on that. Knowing one can just meet their end in a split second, you can never come back from that. Undoubtedly, my drunken inhabitants I call my friends, well, don’t share the same dilemma of life as I do, which makes them even better friends then I thought. Hopelessness, loneliness, regret, passion, and defeat, factors I struggle to keep out of my mind. For the most part, it works, but today was not meant for most.

            Seeing as I was better suited to mourn the passing of a friend, when we got our drinks, I imminently hesitated before drinking, while Todd and Rodny started to cry surprisingly. It was as if they finally realized the gravity of Campbell’s death. Everyone in the bar noticed, but didn’t seem to be bothered by it. I tried comforting them the best I could, and it worked for the most part. Even the other people drinking offered their condolences. They even offered us free drinks, but Todd and Rodny kept on. Depressed individuals who wouldn’t even drink to wash away their pain. Obligation rushed through me, but more importantly, sympathy ran its course too. So I started to cry with them.

            Three days passed by, they were still pretty shaken up, but at least it got better significantly from there. They moved on, we all did really. Well, we tried at the very least, and we made it work all in all. That amount of time for anyone to recover from something like that is complete and utter bull s**t, but we did our best to succeed. Strong we were for the time being, but that didn’t last for long. Even after Campbell’s funeral, they still felt like s**t, even if they did seem to act normally for a couple of days after. It all fell apart after that. Todd started drinking again, Rodny doesn’t even seem to remember his son at times, I really don’t think he wants to. But I’m still trying, trying for it all.

            Anywhere but here. Seems like a lost soul, like me, it begs to get out. Dreaming of a way, anyway to see her. Without true conscious, I can’t seem to find a lustful cause. Trending to criticize, nothing to ponder. Always on the run from anywhere, anywhere but here.

            Todd invited me and Rodny out for a drink; he must have figured Rodny still had things to say about Campbell, we all did really. It was mid-day when he asked us, we all got off at the same time, so ultimately we agreed on a set time. I didn’t really have anything more to say about Campbell, in fact, I don’t think Todd did either. Realistically, we just wanted Rodny to speak his mind about him, he was all the more too quiet at the funeral.

            Sometimes I wonder if Campbell really had to die that day. That was not a poetic line at all, of course everyone thought that. But to put misery and pain, reigning down on us every single day, hard to believe, but I wouldn’t wish that on anybody, not even my worst enemy if I had one. And that’s why my sympathy for him has faded away. Still love the guy, I’m just done feeling for him anymore.

            Nearly eleven now, Todd was already waiting outside for me and Rodny when the site closed down for the night. We all seemed ready, neither one of us had drinks like this ever since Campbell’s passing. But in that hatred, I accepted just like that.

            We must have been drinking for hours upon end him talking about Campbell. Rodny went on more about him than Todd and I did, he never shut up. But Todd and I knew he was having fun with it, so we let him continue the best we could. Even Todd said some positively inspiring things about him. Part of me knew it made Rodny happy, so I said some things too. We weren’t even close to finishing when the bar was closing, so we continued until we eventually had to leave. And even then, we still had plenty to talk about in his honor, more so them than me.

            I wouldn’t say we were drunk, rather a bit buzzed. Who was I kidding, we were s**t-faced. We knew driving was frowned upon, so we walked home. Her image appeared in my mind all of a sudden, never wanting to leave. She seemed to gesture me more and more to come to her, even past the broken automatic crosswalk light.

            All seemed to distance away from me, except her. Follow her anywhere, die with her anywhere, my whole heart belongs to her. I don’t care if my life ends tonight, weather by my side, anything’s well worth it. The agony, the regret, mine are nothing compared to others but ashes now. All the care, all my sorrow that I’ve had the misfortune of living all these years, it all sinks without her in it. Anything and everything seems possible with her.

            She stops halfway across, says something, can’t I quite hear it, so I draw closer. Understand her, be with her forever and ever. My love can’t wait much longer, I must go to her. She keeps calling me to come further. I precede, only to see bright lights speeding by my side, nothing more after that, not a damn thing.

 

                       Chapter five

            No sight of her, some part of me knew I didn’t make it. For f***s sake, I was looking at myself in a damn ambulance with Todd and Rodny by my side. All around me, no one seemed to notice, no one seemed to care. Honestly, my mind was all on finding her, hoping for a connection that drove us to each other somehow. She was here before I died, but nowhere to be found now.

            Sort this first, no need to panic. You’re dead, no one will miss you. No use pondering nothing now, I’m already dead. Facts change, plans thrown out the window. But I can’t think about that now. Already in trouble with my own self. Have no idea how others react to something like this. The torment that lasts forever, the ever so growing pain it inflicts on a person. I guess it all doesn’t matter now, now that I’m dead. Cursed to damnation, waiting on my destruction to happen, predicting nothing more. Shut up, you’re dead, you can’t think that way anymore. Get your after-life together.

            It’s not all bad, I suppose. Always find it somewhat interesting, watching medics try to revive me on site. If I ever was in a coma, I’m pretty sure I’d know it by now. But I was dead, pure and simple. In fact, I knew I was dead, no need to continue stating the obvious. Setting goals even in death.

            Have to go now, medics did everything they could for me. Famous last words, ironic really. A part of me knew not to leave Todd and Rodny with me, don’t even think they were going anytime soon. I heard them, bringing up Campbell’s death next to mine, speculating on whether it was a coincidence. Yeah, he had the stones to commit suicide, but I never did, as in I didn’t kill myself, if only they knew that. As much as I might want to tell them, I’m cursed to this ghostly existence of a second life.

            I can’t go, not now anyways, not until I hear the rest of what they had to say about me. Not for any other reason, not in hopes that I’ll wake up from this nightmare. No matter how I don’t want it, remaining dead is my occupation now. In theory, at least mine anyway, she should be here by my side. Funny, never did found out her name when living.

            She’s my real imagination, my life without hesitation, my undying love for her only grows more and more. My hallucinations never betray me, me without her is like nothing without life. Passionately, I wait for her, passionately, I wait for her, passionately, I lust for her. She controls my all, my everything, my entire reason to wonder. I’m blinded by her sight that never leaves me.

            Alright, time to focus on the now. What’s happening is nothing sort of living in fear. Living in fear that everyone will leave you, forget about you, move on without you in remembrance.

            Calm down, nothing’s happened yet. Listen to your concerned friends, they still think you’re alive at least. Give them hope, even if all’s lost. I try to talk to them, face to face, yet I forget I cannot. I’m a wondering corpse. They go on, never shutting up, never giving me a chance to express, even though deep down I know I fully cannot.

            Finally they stop, giving me a chance to speak my mind. Why can’t I understand I can’t get through to them? I can’t talk to anyone, but I keep trying. Part of me wants to live, never wished upon myself to die at this age. So little I’ve achieved, so much more I’d have done before laying waste to my own betrayal. Can’t really think about that now, so much going on, so much more will come I’m sure. I only heard one sentence before I started fading away, and that was Todd telling Rodny, ‘We have to let her know.’

 

                       Chapter six

            At times, I wonder what fate has in store for me. Ironic really, even in death, life can still be a b***h. Giving us willpower to escape our thoughts of despair, suicide, depression, and guilt. But for me, for the rest of my non-existent life, I will be surely damned to this world. Never really truly understanding my once fragile life.

            Opening my eyes, darkness unfilled the room. I was here, the place beyond. I wanted to leave, not right away of course. Even I had to remember why she left, that time so long ago, I really didn’t care. But now, now was my different way of thinking.

            She is my mom. An echo of my silence, my greed distanced her from me at the time. But now I see, the tremendous amount of pain I caused her. I wanted to make this right, but I literally had no idea what was happening.

            The flashback only insisted I stay and watch it. She slapped me, with little hesitation, like wind without the cold. I woke up only to find Todd and Rodny by my dead body’s side.

            I saw me lying there, still dead as can be. No use trying to revive me. I won’t fight for my life, but I will fight who controls it. Some part of me knew Todd was ringing for Rebecca, but I couldn’t let my mom know I was dead, not yet.

            But as much as I wanted, I couldn’t keep him from making that call. Minutes passed before we got to the ER. Part of me wanted my mom here, perhaps that’s why I had that vision of her. Regardless, I couldn’t judge myself on that front, at least not now.

            They brought me in drastically and dramatically. Doctors did everything they could, trying to save my life even failed after a while, some doctors they were. I was ready to truly fade into the after-life, until I saw my parents rushing in asking where I was. They were crying, typically my mom, they care about me so much. I had little time to truly let go of this life. Leaving behind grieving parents didn’t seem like something I would do.

            I couldn’t leave, I still had plenty of love for them. Wished I was still alive, and not a still-born heading into death. But try as I might, I knew I crushed their hearts so badly, hurting mine swiftly in the process. Apparently, ghosts can cry, they can feel, they can mourn, they can even regret, non-surprisingly.

            Everyone in the room was silent when the monitors died down. They finally knew I was dead. Of course I regret dying, my parents seeing me like this, breaks my hollow heart. I needed to go, start haunting as they no longer say, or whatever ghosts do. Anywhere but here, witnessing my friends and family grieve isn’t a pretty sight to see. Off anywhere, anywhere but here.

            A park bench seemed significant enough, maybe I could rest my spirit away until this nightmare dies down. I cried and cried, but what was the use, I was sad as ever. What do you expect really, my own self just died, and my parents probably blame themselves for it. Nothing for me now left in this world, I’m a lost soul now. All I can really do is cry away the pain. Attention gazed upon me just then as I looked up from my depressing manner. My love was across from me, signaling me to come to her.

            Unbelievable, she could see me. Even in death, life still wants me. My heart echoed in happiness, depression held its unbreakable grip on me no longer. I needed this, after all, my soul, my undying soul (sounds a lot better), it clings to sadness. Making me its b***h, more and more. But she awakens it, she sees right through it. She nails it with her affection and passion.

            I go to her, happy enough that she sees me, that anyone sees me, really. But it all fades away when I hear a taxi stopping immediately behind me. Life as a ghost, never was a fan of it, but at least it’s far from depressing than normal life, for me anyway. I know we will be together one day. And I will make sure that happens, any, way, possible. As villainous as that last statement made me sound, I just wanted motivation for myself.

            It’s funny, up until now, I was living out of spite, regret, fear that I might not succeed in life at anything, especially when everything is calling for you. I took life, as a whole, as nothing more than an escape plan. But now that I’m dead and alone, I now know I was right all along. No further use in crying about it anymore.

            I was a new man, more or less, in a manner of speaking, that is. Determination filled my lonesome heart with acceptance, power, and the will power to grasp what I desired. She makes me crave for her, her beauty, her everything. And thus, I still walk very much alone.

 

                       Chapter seven

            Here again, I never know what I’m doing here. But I guess fate allows the unnecessary at times. Blessing in disguise maybe, a tribute to what I once called my utterly dull previous life. Rather unclear at this moment in time, but may I find out ever so quickly. This one moment, one cycle never can truly make its course from me. Yet neither remain diligent, I find difficult to  ever be. With a fierce sense of judgmental passion and heart, nor will I ever be the same again. When sunset comes, may I still wonder in echoes why I end up here again and again.

            It’s self-reflective as of late, how one such a being as me can set off motions of regret and turmoil. Yet I am not me anymore. This brand new spiritual corpse I now control will only seize to set off difficulties of insanity, reign tragic on my once sinking soul. With milestones apart, set in motionless vainness of fortunate events, tragic they may be, but determination will get the very better of me.

            Beyond comparison, yet disgusting whether it be true. Life may very well be as it expected to. Lingering shadows in the in between, unstuck from a gathering pain such as the one I hold most dear. Yet tragic reigns bequeath my embraces of my past life. No absolution lay ahead in sight for me. Reason to ponder, itself be true. Nothing seems to reflect poorly on this flock of my past life I have no intent on use anymore.

            May it not be true, I lay rest in wonder and awe. Inspired by the illusive man’s pain I inspire to others, I might can see the false wrath I set aside from thee. Compassion knows not the feeling of warmth, but rather indecisively matters not that very much. Be it not the boundaries of hope I cannot seem to grasp when asked by my conscious. The ongoing spectacle of life we take for granted most of the time, well, I being the case. Fate cannot allow one such as myself to distinguish mysteries of our own past afflictions to deem wrong for us to endure properly. This egotistical life we live has not prepared ready for us to explain. No matter how falsely accused we are at times, we shall always have our moments like these we faithfully ignore. Defining us as we be amongst our demons.

            We all reconcile our past memories and mistakes, whether it be on the tremendous front, or the lower half of fault. But these mistakes are necessary if we aim to judge our previous encounters. Truly it hath….sorry, has no remorse, no subject into our life affairs. It will be but a long hiss, in which we will not prohibit the fine quality of existence. Circumstances, all in all, have it the utter premature fight that we live on. It cannot be forced upon easily. For we all know society cannot possibly predict our own outcome.

            Be thou not my soul to keep, but rather my life seems efficient enough to endure this wealth of pain. Shall not be my doing alone, so much as to say that no man or woman, living or dead, should grasp the pain I feel everlasting my eternal existence over so past beyond its breaking point. Yet I still wonder, not fully recognizing the hurt and sorrow I bring unto others. Greatly saddens me, the little I can do with the little I’ve done already.

            “Lord, tame my life as you see fit. Only with fear and hesitation can you hold up my after-existence. For it not be so overwhelmingly hast, nothing in this world can unhook me from this grasp you hold over me. Amazingly, I shall struggle with it no more.”

            Ever so much, I cannot make up my own words. I can’t seem fit enough to rewrite His wonders. Try very hard I might, ultimately failures takes over. Set your problems unto Him, and yet still no future it brings me. Wave of despair cannot take even the most humorous away from this new substitute I carry. Vastly, cannot I cope with this false invisible pain I live in. Only by me, my hand alone, can I ever dream of escaping this wholesome b***h.

            All at once, sacrifice reigns supreme. But lay wonder, the shadow effect it has on us all, nah it be said that we care abundantly unto Him, but all lies some might think. Pity them, for I do not seek hesitation, but rather unclear at the moment. Longevity of it implies nowhere left to focus, nowhere left to die. For it not be as tragic as we might think, yet for me, it causes many pains. Yet unto the likes of me, I find it ever so lucky to be as lost as I am. Without fear of death again.

            With only the boundaries of hope left, I seem to stray from its right path. Knowing change is now a strong possibility of an after-life itself. This void, my void can now accept even the harshest of punishments. Still not a hundred percent, but may it be possible for at least half percent to go through. Along these lines, one must wonder my constant journey has haunt itself, or continued its rough milestone. Unregards to my hesitant thoughts, my chapters need no remorse. I stepped out of whatever my deep thoughts were, only thinking what the hell was I.

 

                       Chapter eight

            Still, wonder why I end up here. No matter where I go, I always come back here. No explanation necessary, I’m sure it’s some kind of spiritual thing. In which case, difficulty reigns supreme. But this will only up my game as much. Quitting isn’t really one of my strong suites. In fact, there was this one time with my ex….no, who am I kidding? I’ve never had someone with care qualifications like that ever love me. Right after that queer thought I just had, I felt my mother’s hand slap across my face.

            Finally, I was out of whatever the hell that place was. No time to reflect, she’s leaving now, away from you, away from me. Taxis are so damn fast, even one being a ghost can’t catch up with it. Ah, what’s the g.d point anymore? I fall to my knees in self-pity. Anger and sadness fell up my tears (as in she was leaving, so that made me cry). I shut my eyes only to help stop the pain, but upon opening, I was right next to her.

            Safe to say I’m all better now, nothing seems to bother me. Being with her is a dream come true. But how I got here remains intact, it can’t be this easy. Thinking about her, me to be with her, no matter where she might be at the moment, I’m always transported to her.

            So I follow her everywhere. Every time she shops, every time she watches movies, I’m always there with her, its grand really. The wonder, the company, her presence, my presence, so happy together. Absolutely nothing could ruin this feeling. Granted, part of me feels like a stalker for doing so on months end, but seeing as I’m dead, it suites to fit as much. Of course, it would be amazing for her to see me as I am. It’s funny how I can say that now as a ghost, I could never say that in my past life. Maybe being with her inspires my confidence. Regardless, I love her to death, well, in a manner of speaking.

            Her house is almost as beautiful as her, layered with impeccable beauty such as hers. Only with her do I find love and happiness, only with her can I be forever in her debt. I want to give her everything she needs, I want to surprise her with a continuation of a better life. But how can I, being this way? She probably doesn’t even know me. When I was alive, when we used to pass by each other, she probably couldn’t recall our eyes ever so gently touching as we passed on the street. Suffice to say, the same place I died, but it bringing me to her was nothing sort of a tremendous miracle. I did find out her name though, so it’s not all bad. Lauren, good name.

            Lauren was my all, I loved her. I wanted her to know that, but I know it was beyond my control. Just being with her is fantastic enough. She makes me feel anew, that we have a life together, even though she has no idea I exist still. Yet I endlessly wonder why she and I can’t meet, even though it’s still very obvious why. I can never have that first kiss, but regardless, she’s my all. I’ve finally found someone that makes me happy to the fullest.

            Shame she doesn’t know really, in which I’m ok with. If there was a way, any way of telling her how I feel, that would be amazing. Being this way can get lonesome quick…..shut up, you’re with her now, we’re with her. Who cares if she knows you exist. You know she exists, and that’s good enough for us.

 

                       Chapter nine

            These days are like gold, never ceasing to show age. They’ll always be worth so many riches. I find myself loving every second with her once more. Me and her were simply meant to be. Of course, she can’t see me, which does damper things a bit, but I love her all the more.

            She does everything in a positive way. Whether it’s watching TV, listening to music, or just living in the now, always doing it passionately. Sure, I want her to know I exist, loving her ever so greatly. Until then, enjoyment will still reign on us being together. Yet it still saddens me to know she’ll never know I’m here. Still lovingly attracted to her I will always be.

            How did this all get started, did I have to die in hopes of her finally noticing me? In the taxi, how I thought her name, and I appeared next to her. It must be our loving connection. No, she doesn’t know we exist. Only a fool would conclude your thoughts. Perhaps I was right, she knows nothing of us, of me. I must somehow have her to myself, my thoughts were right.

            The next day flocked with her beauty. She woke up, got dressed, then headed to work. I even took joy watching her work, never boring away. Night came, I walk home with her, nothing could ruin this night for us.

            Suffice to say, I inevitably had to set in motion my realization of recognizing our current situation. Either which way you put it, I was thinking of her the whole way. No matter the current predicaments we find ourselves in, I will always have my magnificent obsession with her. All I had to do was try to sort it out.

            Time and time again, I still think upon it, without truly understanding what my full intentions would be. Yet vast capabilities wonder afloat in my mind, but I’m too lazy enough to act on them. I’m simply too in love with her to not follow through. But something in me tells me otherwise. Not sure how easily I can, but trapped unto me it will remain. What’s the problem listening to it, it’s part of me now, so why not act on it, there’s no reason not to. If it wants to get me closer to her, I won’t interfere. The possibilities it comes up with may be a bit severe at times, but we all have to risk something I suppose. Safe to say, I’m still in control of whatever it may be. Now I see clearly, it makes sense now. Whatever it was that transported me in that cab with her was good enough for me. But explain the room I often appear in, it cannot. Anyway, wondering can seize for now. She calls my name, metaphorically of course, not for real, sadly.

            Days pass with her without a boring sense. She’s passionate, a kind-hearted individual, yet I see no trace of a man in her life. All the best for me, but seeing as how beautiful she is, I cannot help but wonder. I see her making convo with her friends, having dinner with her family, just having a great life. Part of me cares, but the rest thinks she’d be better off with me by her side. Can’t fight it any longer, I must have her.

            Yet here I am again in this very room. Maybe I’ve been asking the wrong questions. I know where this is, it’s when my dad left to ‘think things through’, as he put it. My mother just came home crying and crying because of it. If I remember right, I was getting ready for a date. I can’t remember anymore without knowing why. I’m still here, usually I’m only here for a few minutes, but this time was different. I guess whatever the situation was doing this, I could only force to recall longer.

            Once I fully realized where I was, once I fully thought it, I felt my mother’s slap. I now find myself back with Lauren, back to where I want to be. But I did still wonder about that place, like why I end up there more and more. Suppose I will always wonder, until it inevitably comes to my realization of reality. Still, even when I’m with the love of my life, part of me will always seize to wonder. Nice try reality, but she’s the only reality I need, Lauren, not my mother.

 

                       Chapter ten

            I find it more and more acceptable to relate to whatever it was giving me these crazy thoughts. For the moment, I don’t, only because I love spending my immortal ghost-time with her. A more accurate thing to do is think about processing it when she’s asleep. But now is not that time, time to embrace the day with her.

            All the times I’m with her, I can’t really think clearly. It’s as if my after-life has stopped, and I forget I’m dead. Spending time with her makes me forget my past afflictions before I lay waste in the ground. I have to be with her. If I could bring myself back to life only to be with her, in a split second of a heartbeat I would.

            It gets easier to listen to those thoughts, needing some way to be with her. Whatever the price it costs to just let her know I’m here for her. Suppose I could listen for a moment. I close my eyes only to see me attempting to rid her of this world. Quickly I opened them, quickly I put away such madness. I’m no monster. If I was going to be with her, it sure as hell won’t have anything to do with that. At least for the time being, there must be other ways.

            Wherever she went, I was with her, she laughs, I laugh. But it all the more makes me sad, retain I must from these thoughts. Of course I want to be with her more and more. I want to hold her, make her feel like someone cares. Until that day gets here though, forever wondering will be my number two priority; she will always be my number one.

            She receives phone calls all day at home and work, but I’d rather not listen in on her private matters. It’d just be too creepy to do that, at least for someone so civil like me. Night fall comes, I watch her sleep. Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep next to her, but I don’t think my kind ever sleeps.

            Next morning, she’s already looking beautiful. Early at this hour on a Saturday, lawyer life must be hard. No idea where or what her plans where, but as long as I’m a part of them, there really isn’t anything that can get me down today. Or so I thought, so mysterious, I love it.

            Just literally after I thought that, her doorbell rang. He said his name was Glenn, she then introduced herself. Blind date most likely, I best stay here. I knew this was bound to happen one day. Couldn’t help feel a bit jealous though, even more than one should really. But no matter how angry I got, I couldn’t express my feelings. I did try to strangle him though, with the thought that it wouldn’t work. He did have to clear his throat before they left though.

            So I stayed at her place for a while. Sure, I wanted to screw up their date for my own benefit, but I was more concerned with my ghost powers, to put the term likely. In fact, I really don’t think there’s any other good way of saying it. So I tried opening books, flipping through channels, even eating, but nothing seemed to work. After my failed attempts, I sat down, closed my eyes, and tried to rest.  

            I was asleep, which was amazing being it the first time since I died. This was obviously a dream, but all I saw in front of me was me. No idea why, this was the weirdest dream I’ve ever had in the after-life, even though only the first. I tried speaking to me, but I just cut me off. Then I saw me explaining what we had to do. Madness, I even tried waking up, but no dice. I said that this was what I wanted. I knew I was right, but it was so beyond me to think that way. But it could work, she’d hate me for it, but it could work. That’s what was driving me not to do it, I didn’t want her hating on me. But I was right, it was the only way to get what I truly wanted. A chance for her to see me as I was, a chance for us to be together. I’d be crazy not to accept.

            All of a sudden, I woke up. Easy to lose track of time when dreaming. It was morning, must have been out for most of yesterday. I went to her kitchen, she wasn’t there. Nor the living room, or upstairs. I turned around to see a shirtless Glenn coming out of her bedroom. It looked like he was in a hurry. Realization came over me, he was aiming to stand her up, be gone before she even awoke. I still had to get a clear head, but I knew that much to be true. He left, I ran after him. I was angry more at him than I was at her. I followed him to his car, furiously. He got in and drove about ten miles before I decided to catch up to him.

            Part of me felt hesitant, my motives unclear. He didn’t deserve to die, then again, nor did I, but alas, it still happened the way it did. Why shouldn’t he feel my pain? With no intent to kill him, I caused his airbag to come out swiftly to at least break his nose as soon as he stopped at a light. It drew blood and lots of it. Enough for me to decide the damage has been done.

 

              I went back to Laurens house, she was still sleeping, perhaps dreaming of me, but I knew it was delusional for me to think that way. Gave me time to ponder, to regret what I had done. But I didn’t, not just part of me, all of me. She was mine, and the only way to have her in my arms would be to kill her. I didn’t know it yet, but Glenn was practice….scratch that, I knew he was. As much as I hated the fact of her hating on me, I’d so much die again than let anyone else have/hurt her.

 

                       Chapter eleven

            At this point in time, I knew where I was. Further wondering would just insult my intelligence as a ghost. Yet still no idea why, I’m usually quick to catch on. I saw my mother barging in with tears. She finally spoke to me, asking me where I was.

            I couldn’t say, mainly because of her continuation crying. She wiped her tears away, apologizing for the mess. I tried asking her why, so I mustered up enough courage to tell her I was breaking up with Tiffany, my longtime girlfriend. She seemed shocked, I explained why before she said anything else. Tiffany was boring; not her attitude, but the idea of spending forever with her got a bit old fast. There were more girls out there for me. More excitement, more passion, more everything. That was when my mother slapped me, with surprisingly no hesitation. Walking out, she told me I was selfish, that I cared little about others and more about myself.

            Trying to reason with her, the phone instantly rang. It was my dad. He told me he and my mother got in a fight, a permanent one. And that I shouldn’t upset her more, but I did. I tried going after my mother, but she was gone by then. I’d always love her, but I didn’t need to be reminded of the last time we saw each other.

            For my own ego, I still broke up with Tiffany, she was devastated. She even wore her pink dress she always wore every time she wanted to impress me, which was ninety percent of the time. I made a fool of her, of me really. I’ve always regretted it, never really thinking too much on it. Ever since then, I hid it from me. That was one of the worst days of my life. I lost my girl, by choice, stupid ignorant choice. My parents’ marriage was almost over, and I never saw my mom again after that.

 I was back in Laurens living room. Broke down and crying, realizing the harsh reality of my weakest moment in life. Even worse, I couldn’t fix it, any of it. I couldn’t fix my relationship with my mother, or Tiffany, all was lost.

Lauren came home from work. I was still crying on the floor. She went up to me, kneeled down to look right at me. I looked up at her, our eyes focused on each other. Wiped away my tears, I wondered if she saw me. Impossible, I thought. And it was, she got up and fixed herself dinner.

Was that real, did she see me? No, no matter how much I wanted her to, I was delusional as I thought. But I knew what I saw, I didn’t make it happen. She felt me, she felt my sorrow, I only hope as much. I couldn’t quite determine why, I only knew she knew I existed.

 

           Chapter twelve

 I hated this. This was not right, but I must see this through. If I don’t, it’ll haunt me for years on end. It’s not worrying how I do it, but whether or not knowing that she’ll forgive me for it. We just won’t tell her it was us, perfect plan…..really. I guess I was right, but hesitation will always follow me for doing so.

The street we used to cross before I died, when I died, was the perfect plan to do it. The crosswalk sign was already messed up, I just had to decide when it’ll mess up. She was on her phone, left hander. But somehow knowing she’ll be distracted enough not to see it coming make me feel a bit less guilty for some reason. All clear now, she walked across. I had the best moment for it, all I had to do was either change the monitor, or make a car speed up enough to hit her. So I choose what was best for her, I saw a car coming to a stop while she was crossing, along with others behind her, but strangely enough, I cared very little. I knew my intent. My way of being with her seemed justified at this moment. Not nearly enough time to think about how I would cause the car to hit her. It was quite obvious that I could just slam the gas. But I couldn’t think straight at the moment. I never tried to set up a killing before.

Think fast. Drivers contacts, just make them water up. Enough for the woman behind the wheel to blink repeatedly to struggle them back in. Maybe she could lose control enough to hit Lauren. No second guessing it, it’s now or never.

It was only yet a few seconds after I caused the accident that I immediately regretted doing so. Never considered the woman would slam on her brakes, just nearly missing the love of my after-life. I stood frozen in shock of what further evolved after that.

The next day came in a flash, it seemed like. Never questioning my presence at the funeral, I only brought more tears to more people, including my sweet Lauren. How it pains me to do so, yet I must remember through and through why I must continue.

First attempt, massive fail. But part of me was a bit glad it didn’t happen that way, yet my intentions remaining the same. Many more opportunities I suppose, but for now I await with her. I guess fate/destiny doesn’t want her dying at the same place I did. Stupid analogy, really.

 

           Chapter thirteen

 

I finally did it, she’s free from life. Bound to an eternity with me. She might have questions, she might wonder why, but I’ll have nothing but time to answer for her. When she inevitably turns, I’ll be waiting. Took me a while, but once I got my head around it, I knew where my existence took me.

            Finally, she came to, but strangely she did not wonder so long. She knew death had found her, but little she did to prove it. I think part of her knew she was a ghost, part of her didn’t even wonder why. It seemed like she was coherent with death, much like me. She tried yelling for anyone to hear her, but only I could though. I saw her collapse in pain, crying that her life was over.

            I ran up to her, trying to help her up. She just pushed me away in awe of someone finally acknowledging her. We talk about what happened, who I was, and how much I loved her. Took her a while, but she remembered me surprisingly.

            We walked around, discovering the after-life and what it was to live it. Two ghosts in love, or at least, I hoped she loved me, but time will tell. I showed her she could go anywhere, anytime, with me by her side. But yet, she didn’t seem all that thrilled. Understandable perhaps, she did just die. I neglected to tell her that I was the main reason she died, best keep it that way for a whiles time.

            She loved to travel with me, be with me, hold me, as I to her. I knew she loved me, a lifetime of this, spectacular. We spent our whole time with each other, plus we didn’t have to worry about how old we got. I was a gift, us together, forever. I could look forward to a future like this, but she couldn’t.

            After months and months of this, she started to lose interest. She still was there for me, but she started walking around in a depressed state. I asked her what was wrong, she told me she wanted to see her family. She was free to do whatever she wanted. All I wanted was to stay with her.

            I followed her the entire time. Witnessing her mourning herself for her family, saw her family missing her every day. Saw that they refused to let go of her, much like me. I was sad for her, cried for her. I had a miserable life, but she had a meaningful one. Should I not yet take it from her? It was time to realize and wake up from this dream. I knew this was too good to be true.

            Opening my eyes, the pain and misery I was to bring, I could not bare to inflict. I had to stop, had to realize the consequences of my doing. She had a life, people that cared for her. This was madness, what I was doing had to stop. I can’t listen to the other half of me any longer. All was partially realizing now. Perhaps we were on the same level now, almost in fact. But part of me….all of me told myself that it was only a dream, a fantasy never lived.

 

                       Chapter fourteen

 

            I love spending all my ghostly existence with her, never can I get tired of it. Unfortunately, her work gets in the way at times. I thought it would be a wondrous joy to watch her nail her clients….as a lawyer, mind you. But sitting around waiting for her to finish was honestly growing a tad bit over dramatically tiresome rather quite quickly, to say the least. It gets boring fast, really.

            If I saw an opening, I’d take it. Work accidents happen all the time, nearly. I just have to wonder ‘aimlessly’ and find out. Damn it, seems so hopeless now. Like someone could die at a law firm. About to give in now, I’ve been trying to find a way to demise her. I love my thoughts more and more, true and true, they are. Alas, I can’t let difficulty come between me and her.

            I turn, she gets up, where she might go, I can’t confine. Standing there, I see clearly that she’s heading to the water cooler. Struck up an idea finally, maybe I could tip the water jug to fall while she’s getting a drink. At best, it would just knock her out, it wasn’t too full anyway. Maybe if I caused it to overheat…., I’m clearly not getting this.

            Make misbehavior ensue, cause it to malfunction somehow. Pull the plug slightly enough until it works no longer for her. Perfect plan really, it’s amazing the plug-in’s still wet without causing previous injuries. But that was going to change, I just needed her to plug it back in and let electricity run its course, pun optional.

            Never strikes me to think of counselors receptionists, in which I took no thought of when planning my actions that day. Rather dumb of me, to assume nothing of it. Her name was Mary, and I never found her a problem until now. Probably shouldn’t have set the whole death situation up so soon, because what happened next went rather fast for me to undo my mistakes.

            I saw Mary walking towards the restroom, that’s when she saw Lauren struggling. So she did what all secretaries should do, and offer to fix her bosses struggles. She insists and insists until Lauren gives in and has her have at it. That was when it happened, quite a shock, no pun….

            The next day was the funeral, and it lasted all g.d day. Of course I didn’t want to be there, knowing I caused it was enough for me. Guilt trapped me, I could do this no longer. My intent was for her, not any of her friends. Brutally honest, I only had one more attempt in me before I call it quits. Best to try one last time, at her place, with no witnesses. Perfect crime, really.

            And that’s exactly what I did. The next week, she was practicing yoga to get her mind off things. Perfect time, I’m very sure. Her alone, easy enough. She was setting her mat outside near her pool. I just had to pull it from under her and let the hard surface to its work (Jesus, these puns epically suck).

            She made her way to her room, quickly changing into her yoga attire. I waited eagerly for her outside, but she never came. So I wondered in the house to check on her, what I saw after that was not at all very pleasant. She had the T.V on channel five, and started crying. I turned, only to see a wrecked car on screen.

            I wondered why she kept watching, accidents like these happen all the time. But I soon realized that it was Glenns car in the wreckage. Not only his car, but others met there demises too. I kept watching, he hit a school bus while trying to gain control of his vehicle. Regret, shame and more regret immediately came over me. I was responsible for this, I couldn’t live with this. Death already came for me in the past and succeeded. Nothing I could do really, only forever live my existence in shame. What made it worse was the fact that I upset her, she was crying because of something that I did, this feeling should not bother me, but it’s taking its course prematurely on me.

            Maybe my evil determination got in the way so much, that I didn’t even care about the numerous outcomes. She continued watching, but I couldn’t. I caused the power to it to go out for a while. I will forever be haunted by this, highly effect my plans, no s***s were given, I deserved this.

            Inflicting pain on others, causing them loss, I no longer want that, why did I even to start with? Hypothetically, if I did succeed, my mind would always bring me to that moment she turned to that channel. What the hell was I thinking? Best not to remember, redeem myself somehow. Better myself for what’s best for her and me. Honestly, I’m not worried about me as much as I am for her, only her forever.

 

                       Chapter fifteen

 

            Honestly, I could spend my whole existence with her, metaphorically speaking of course. Watching her is like an extraordinary metaphor I cannot explain, nor do I require any thought regarding. Not only am I content with her, but also vastly becoming more interested in her daily, which I thought was next to impossible given my already increasing love for her. But not now is the worst time, or perhaps it might not be. Reminding myself to rid her of this verse and begin life anew with her by my side. Aggressively increasing my life as a dead dude.

            I’m here for her, and she must know somehow. Someway she can tell I was here for her. But alas, part of me already knew I was only exiting down to foolishness. Her personal life is hers and hers alone, but judge me not my concern to think upon these things. This day was no light shredder for her, nor I. She will always have me. No matter my intent for her, she will always have me.

            Back to reality, I wish I could think this way clearly all the time. But no matter how much I try, those kids, Glenn, the others I’ve caused pain to, all visions that will never fade away. For always they will cease to never stop reminding me. I deserve much, much more.

 

                       Chapter sixteen

 

            Yesterday changed my life forever, trying to remove past afflictions, I tried my best at excepting that fact. It began with a simple phone call to the love of my dreams, or dreams of my love. Since I’m technically dead, best focus on that front sometime else. Anyway, that call changed my perspective quite a bit.

            It was her brother, Jimmy, he had all but happy news for her. What followed was a long series of rather unfortunate events. All I really had to see after that was her dropping the phone. She looked over at me, it seemed like, but only for a second before tears started to work her face up, dramatically of course.

            Never used to my love crying, I sympathize with her quite a bit, and I didn’t even know the subject matter. The pain that comes with that tragedy, even almost to a fault. Took the same on me with her. I only saw myself fit to confront and comfort, but luck found no way to me. Sad to see her go, sad to see that she could be broken, sad that I couldn’t help her. Story of my life exists un-fantastically low at this point.

            Redeem her evermore, she be not willing. I’ll take it anyway. Why must I continue, along with her, witness pain and misery? Surely obviously cannot be helpful. She cries, I cry, She thrives, I thrive, she dies, soon I would die again only to ensure she suffers no tragedy like this ever again.

            Countless attempts at ending her, but that’s not all what I want for her now. She should be here for her loved ones, not fair of me to intrude that. It kills me to say I love her less and less, only to keep her on this world for family. Somehow, she must know that, somehow, she must know that’s the ugliest truth out there for me.

            I knell to her, crying more and more. It kills me to see her this way. Her family needs her more than ever. If ever there was a way for me and her to connect, it’s no longer an option now sadly. But this changes nothing, my feelings still remain active for her. She is my life now, as always it shall ever be.

            More and more, I gaze upon her. Wishing I could comfort her in her despair now. After minutes pass, she whips away her tears, gets up and hurries out her door. Not like this, she’s too focused, too determined. All good things, but this late at night, too dangerous, even for her.

 

                       Chapter seventeen  

 

            I cannot withhold anymore. Tremendously, falling for one such as her has been ever so hesitant of a most glorious journey. Nah I say the boundaries that now exist in part of my own doing are not forced to decide anew.

            For I now know the true temptations of this second life, healing they might seem to be at first glance. It must no longer bring fear with me anymore. No longer has grasp over me. Unto it all both now regrettable, lacking the strength to convict once more. Exiling itself from my once hazard soul, vastly leaving with haste and fear. Never it shall haunt me from this moment to my last.

            She is still, without shadows doubt, deserving of my now gained trust and passion for her, as it always was. I am but a sphere in her mind now, I’d like to think anyway. Having praying she felt a bit of me when breaking down in her kitchen that one sad, lonesome day. Perhaps my own, newly found second sight can now see. And she be willing to see me, as guilt free as I tend to be?

            Remorse it would and should be, that remembrance of me could happen. I only hope for positive outcomes, but no man, living or dead, can see amongst the near. Ever vastly growing without me, must I now live with it? More and more, I find myself in her arms again and again. That last statement may be a double positive or whatever, but I really don’t mind. Strangely enough, the huge reality twist of it all being she knows nothing of my existence, living or dead. But now I must be alright with that, seems only natural.

 

                       Chapter eighteen

 

            I had to warn her, hell, I was trying. She must’ve felt my presence somehow, no doubt she knew I existed. After that night, I knew she knew. Maybe not who I was, but who I now am.

            She was on her way, all I had to do was think her name, and I was there next to her. I took a deep breath, yet she didn’t do the same. I could tell she was struggling, I would to if any of my kin were hurt. Some part of me knew she was in danger, and after the stunts I pulled, maybe I could take it all back.

She was speeding, almost there, but highly illegal the rate she was going. I really didn’t want any trouble on her, so I made her brake come down a bit. But it wasn’t enough to stop her from running a stop light. I suppose I could’ve slammed down on her brakes, but that would instant her death quite a bit, and I didn’t want that for her at the very least.

Suddenly, I was three feet in front of her. What for, only to witness another car hitting hers. I yelled, rather abruptly of course, but the situation was needed of it. So I ran to her, as I did, I saw people calling for help. Luckily, it was near the hospital, so help came rather quickly.

She was in critical pain, sadly I could do nothing, but cry and run to her. Paramedics were on their way. I noticed something. She saw me, maybe she was looking through me to the paramedics. Was this real, could she see me? No, impossible. I offered my hand to her dramatically, tears swelling me on. Medics passed me, rushed to get her out. She reached out her hand. No matter what I thought I saw, she had to live, she had to live for me.

 

           Epilogue

             Here I am now, wondering alone in nothing new.  My regrets will always prevail me, but straying away is for the best. Maybe not to me, feels unlike heaven, more of a hell vibe. I will always love her, I will always find her, I will forever be with her. But through this, just knowing she’s safe is well enough for me.

            I see her every day, recovering more and more daily. Her family visits her quite a bit, often than me honestly. She sees me daily too, well, I’d love to think anyway. She has a good life, good family, good care. That’s all I want for her now, to be cleansed of me. Easy enough, we’ve never actually met. Another perfect day passes, but why must I feel this regret? Not for her so much as the people I hurt along the way. Guess that’s the price to pay, I’m okay with that.

            I often close my eyes and think about those lives. No matter how hurt I tend to be, no matter how sorry I am, I still feel blameful. At times, when I open them, I see nothing. But this time was different.

            This time, I saw them all. Campbell, Mary, even Glenn, everyone I remembered so deeply, everyone I wronged. They were all there, happy to see me, seemed like all the hate they should’ve had for me just wasn’t there. Bewildered, but no longer afraid, no longer haunted by my past actions. Honestly, I had trouble even attempting to think upon them.

            They all lead me to a well, a rather ongoing one. I looked down to see my parents living their lives the best they could after my passing. Also saw Todd and Rodny still drinking shots to me and Campbell. Even saw Campbells stepsister making the best out of her marriage. And of course, I saw her, looking all the more happy every day. All of me felt glad for them all. I didn’t mind as much to be dead any longer, not so much anyway.

            I looked up, they were all gone, but I didn’t want to go. All was right with them, all was right with me. I had nothing but love for all that I saw. A slight smile came across my face, and as I stand watching, the water reflected my image. And it showed me that I was glad for once in my ghostly existence.

 

                       Fin.

           

           

Author's Note

There might be a few mishaps here and there, but it won't distract, you have my word. Please be brutally honest. Much appreciated, please and thank you.