Chapter 7: How long till the blood reaches my head?

I had again killed. To bloody my hands any further would not be possible, how long till it reaches my head. I had killed on my own volition and on my own accord. To say that I had no choice in the matter would only delude me from the guilt I feel. There is always a decision, and I chose to simply kill. An act with that could not be justified, and an attempt to would only help ease the feeling of killing as I have learned being a soldier on the battlefield for years. I see no point to further lie to myself and to continue to justify my act of murder. I HAD KILLED, and that is the plain truth. Though how am I to get used to the feeling or in fact, will I ever get used to it? To kill in the name of justice? To kill for the sake of the sufferer? How long will these continue to fool me... I am a murderer and that's that. I have no where to go back to, I had made my decision years ago. The best I can do is to feel, that is what keeps me human but to be hindered by feelings is something I cannot abide to. The moment I chose darkness, I had already given up sympathy. I do not fight for justice, I fight for myself. I am a selfish person and a liar. But now, I no longer need to lie. I should simply stop feeling. I wonder if that is the answer, or merely a drawback. Was darkness a way to escape guilt? or was it for my so called "purpose". 

"The blood on my hands will never disappear for they are the sins that I carry. I had been dyed with red, and my head is now filled."

Charlestine had a sullen look, as if her meal had been overcooked. But that should not be my concern.