Leting Go

A Story by kind darkness

Once upon a time, a long time ago, I fell in love to me the world was different lust clean our days , passion touched our nights for us the moon never rose and the sun never sets. It seemed as our love was incapable of dying for it had been shot so many times. her eyes were the light that guided me from the dark paths to come. God delivered a miracle when our paths combined harmoniously. Then, everything fell apart and she was gone. the taste still fresh in my mouth. The smell still on my skin . The feeling left in my fingertips. I can't get that feeling back. Without her life is like the seasons with no summer. I may spend my entire life trying to get back into that Polaroid. Fighting all the way back to her. Even now, years later, anytime I come close to her I want to dive in. Sink or swim. I don't care.

I would give anything to be even in the room next to her. Across the street from her, even a breath away. Remembering what I never let myself forget. Looking her in the eye and knowing; another time, another place, she was right there In front of me. Within reach. Just open my arms and wrap them around her. Hold it tightly. And never let it go. Never. Never. I fought. I fought hard. But only with myself. Sometimes I wonder if I should have fought harder. With her. With it. Tried to work it out. It all made sense for about fifteen seconds. Just enough time to say, ?You're right.? What the hell was I thinking. Why didn't I say . . . . something. My line of thinking was ?if she doesn't want me, I don't want to push her.? Why try to keep her where she doesn't want to be? But she did want to be there. She had to. She was happy. There were nights I cried. When we were together. and then I took her home I cried. Not because I was sad, or I had already missed her, but because her love was the spirit that purified my soul .

I talked to God. And I said thank you. Over and over. Again and again. I couldn't believe it was real. That I could actually touch her. Kiss her. Look into her perfect eyes and see myself. But I could. ? She was light years beyond me. Another plane. Another class. Confident, beautiful, at peace. So sure. I couldn't even dream it. No way could I ever make it real. Did she feel what I felt? I have to believe she did. If I didn't it would be so hard to breathe. So hard to get up in the morning. So hard to be. No one will be her. No one will have those green eyes. No one will have that one lock of hair hiding all her secrets. And no one, ever again will make me whole. Not like that. I'm scared. I'm so scared. What if she’s gone for good? What if never? What if I'm right? Do you ever wonder, do you ever ask yourself, ?can I live without love?? Can I open my eyes? I'm afraid to. There is a feeling. You know it. This trembling completeness. This warmth. That makes everything big. And you are ten feet tall all the time. Everyone is looking at you. You are the one. The one she chose. The one she calls when everything is wrong, and when everything is right! She is the one who reaches out for you. For me.

She once said ? I need you.? I was done. That was what I was looking for all my life. Those words. For something so pure as this creature to need ME! Could not be real. Could not be my life. But it was. Of course, it WAS! It isn't anymore else. now shes gone. So far away. And she will never be there again. I see little pieces of her everywhere. A glance, a smile, a touch. I feel desperate. I feel alone. So much out there. But I only want to hear one thing. Not sure what. But I will know. If I ever get the chance. I will stretch out my fingers, grasp it tightly, and NEVER LET HER GO! But till then; I will be here. With my open hand. And my desperate heart. And my cold skin. Slowly, regrettably, forgetting just enough that I can survive from one day to the next. To remember is to suffer. To see what was and then look at what is. To hear a voice, feel my heart stop. Watch my breath stutter in the cold. .

She can read me like a book. I will open to any page for her. Cover to cover. Nothing to hide. Not the fear, pain, or the hopelessness. It is all there. Large print ; easy to read. Secrets dissolve in tears. Dissipating into honesty, innocence, need. I was lost and now I'm found. I was blind but now I see. But maybe I don't want to .To leave someone you love is to alter your life forever. The pain never stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particular nest of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death.

© 2015 kind darkness

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Reviews

JMKane117

Wonderful write. I was really captivated by the emotional depth of it all. You found a sweet spot that perfectly sums up that universal experience. Great job :)

Posted 9 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TrishArias

Honestly,

this was amazing, I felt your words and I could feel your emotions.

I hope writing this gave you the closure you needed.

Posted 9 Years Ago

Daisy

nice story.... last line is so amazing....
The particular nest of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death.

This is how everyone feels... it is hard to let go.... when we are only thinking of us..... it is easy when we think about her... she would be feeling good in skies :) so don't worry
Wonderful story....

Posted 9 Years Ago

9 Years Ago

Thank you for taking the time i never postedmy work online before was not sure if people would like.. read more

9 Years Ago

yup every one have this insecurity.... don't worry and be confident.... :)

Coyote Poetry

I liked the story told. Need and want expressed with deep emotions. You brought the reader into places of hope and also good places and thoughts. The story felt felt like a private letter found. Thank you for sharing the outstanding story.
Coyote