Chapter 4: Gale

Gale sat there for a few minutes staring at the screen, this was so unlike him.  He never asked to talk to someone again. ‘Ah well, she’s a nice kid’, he thought to himself. He stood up and sighed, running his hands through his hair. He switched off the computer and climbed into bed. He lay there, staring at the ceiling, wishing that there was someone with him. He hated this, the feeling of being alone. It crept up on him nearly every night and each time he tried to push it down. Gale rolled over and lit a cigarette. He wasn’t a big smoker, but sometimes, like now, he just had to have one to take the edge away from it all. He exhaled the smoke slowly, watching it as it formed a smoky cloud around him and drifted up towards the ceiling, trying to find a way of escaping. Gale felt like the smoke sometimes, wanting to just drift up and away from it all, all the pressure and crap that he had been through, especially the most recent scar of all. She had left him without so much as a ‘how do you do’. Just left one night when he was asleep. He put the cigarette out and buried his face into the pillow, waiting for sleep to come and take him somewhere he actually wanted to go,. 

Reviews

[Chris]

Read all four as a continuing progression of a mind's "he said, then she said, then he said, and she said - and he did... and so on..." It is a natural progression. Building a reality takes thought... sometimes little details set things off well.

Make it feel real and you will be read...

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

I especially liked the first 2 sections. Seeing the same time period from 2 aspects. I would have liked this to continue. Overall I think this has made a good start. It kept my attention anyway. I feel you could use paragraphs to emphasize breaks in the flow, changes of direction etc. This piece could be filled with more descriptions to make it more believable. Well done. More please. Clive.