Angels Touch

A story about a near death experience I had

I'm laying in a hospital bed, in one of those god awful blue hospital gowns, having been prepped for surgery. My best friend sits beside me and we're laughing about one thing or another. I remember her asking- no telling me to have them record it if they do a hysterectomy. I remember telling her to go a head a do it, and to let me see. Then her chocolate brown eyes got serious and she hits me.
"You better not die in there, b***h or your husband will kill us both."
I brush her off and say: "Its just an endoscopy. What's the worst that can happen?" We look at each other for a long moment and then we laugh.
Talking, and laughing with my best friend makes me almost forget about the prior few weeks I had been in pain. And that my mother is late...again.
Then the doctor comes in and explains the procedure. I felt that tangy buzz of excitement of trying something new. Or maybe it was the growing seed of fear being planted in my stomach. My growing bubble burst when my girl decides to ask if she could record the procedure. I just laughed and apologize despite the fact that she looks completely serious. The doctor says that she would if she could, however it isn't legal. We shrug, it was worth a shot right?
Either way, after signing consents and laughing some more the doctor gives me the cocktail which sends ice through my veins. At least that's how it felt. Like I was being frozen from the inside out. Then my world literally went black. I was dead to the world. In every sense.
Funny thing: that wasn't even the scary part...

I wake up to the sound of voices, and I swear I can see the doctors and nurses around me. I promise that I saw them trying to wake me up. They were saying that I wasn't breathing...to "Get the cart".
That's when I realize that my eyes aren't open at all and that I am not moving. I don't know what to think or how to feel... Time seams to stop and everything seams to be moving so slow.
I will my eyes to open so that I can say that I'm awake; that I'm okay. But they won't. The tube down my throat starts to hurt and constrict my throat and I actually can't breathe now. I'm trying to reach for it, but my body won't respond to my commands. I feel my head tilt to the left and then I see it...
I see her, my Memo.
My great grandmother who I lost this previous January...she stood beautiful and young again; strong as ever. There's this bright light behind her that makes me feel calm despite my fear.
Am I going to die?
My eyes wonder toward one of the doctors and I see my brother in law who we lost a couple of years ago...he smiles at me and shakes his head as he turns and walks away before I can say anything. My Memo kneels beside me and she put her hand on mine, her touch warm and tender compared to how cold it was the last time I ever touched her...
"Calm down, Mija. You are fine" She murmurs to me making me gasp harder. She stroks my hand and I grip hers, not wanting to let go.
"Relax, Mija. I'm right here. You're not alone."
Memo murmurs again. I relax, gripping my memos hand, holding on to her strength. As the tube is pulled out and I am given oxygen to help my breathing regulate some more. I woke up, what felt like seconds later.
Coming out of my spell, I can move again. I look to the left, and rather than my memo there was an old, kind looking nurse beside me, holding my hand...a part of me was confused. Another part was disappointed. And an even bigger part was relieved...

I ran this through and over in my head again and again. And I come up with the same answers.
I could say that I was dying. That my pupils were dilated and I saw what I saw because of the lack of oxygen. I mean, I was dying.
And of course, there's that my Memo really did come to me and save my life... It fascinates me and scares me in a way. I like to think it was both...but one never really knows...

Reviews

[Meeks]

I give critiques, meant to help you. If this review offends you, PM me and I'll take it down.

The second or third paragraph is a bit confusing, you accidentally switched to past tense. Small things, I do that all the time.

"she would if she could but it wasn't legal" - glue words. I had to reread it like two, three times. How about just saying 'it wasn't legal'?

"I promise that I saw them" - side question, have you read edgar allen poe's 'the raven eye', or something like that? The narrator uses a lot of promising in there, which makes it sound utterly irrealistic. Get rid of the promise.

"tube wad pulled out and I wad given oxygen" - I understood nothing of what happened here. Oh wait, wad is supposed to be 'was'. Okay, how about 'and I breathed oxygen'?

Overall, very nice piece. I was nitpicking with the critique, it was that good. I love the humor added, nice touch to make it more personal. Somehow joking about it makes it all the scarier when it actually happens.

[annalysiar]

No lie i love the critique. Thank you ill fix it. And im glad you enjoyed it. Truth: i do this solely by phone which is stupid but will be easier with a computer♡ thank you again

[Archos]

Nice story. I like how you paced it, how they joked about it in the beginning and it became serious. That worked really well. However, I think you could choose a different language. I understand you wanted it to sound natural and the way the main character would say it, but it felt sort of unprofessional (I mean no offence, it's just the only word I can think of to express what I mean). I think you could try more bookish expressions. Overall, I liked and enjoyed your story.

[annalysiar]

I'm sorry I don't understand, what is a bookish phrase?/
I get the language essentially, this is a memory rewritten...i am glad you read it and enjoyed it, and your advice means alot...i just don't understand what a bookish phrase is...
can you give me an example so I can see if I can fix my story??

[Archos]

I'm sorry, I'm just making up words to express what I mean :D I probably wouldn't know what it is either. What I'm trying to say is, that the language feels colloquial. I am really trying to make sense, trust me! I'm not sure I can give a specific example, it's more about the general feeling. But its probably not that important, I think its not a problem in case of f p narrative. Sorry for making so much fuss about it.

[annalysiar]

No don't be sorry. This is something I wrote and I want to make it better... I'm just unsure how.read moreNo don't be sorry. This is something I wrote and I want to make it better... I'm just unsure how.
thank you for your advice and trying to help me understand. 😉

[gentlekindness]

I really love this. It is so cool that you saw your grandmother. And she was so beautiful and young and strong. I love that you shared that with us. Thank you for sharing :)
Annie

[annalysiar]

Thank you, Annie and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
this one really means a lot to me

[Cryingkate]

Oh I'm so glad I read this. I love the story. Is it true?

[annalysiar]

It is this happened to me

[Cryingkate]

Wow.. Know what?
Right away I was feeling and thinking that when your friend asked to have them record it and suddenly got serious thoughts of you dying, that she had an gut hunch or premonition.
Sometimes we don't know what those hunches exactly means but I think she knew somehow that you would be viewing things.
Yes I do believe that something here happened and we do have contact with the other side.

[annalysiar]

Wow it was all really surreal for me in all honesty and it makes me wiser in a way but other perspectives on it is helping me too its making losing her and my grandfather easier

[Cryingkate]

My mother died 3different times. Each time they came out and announced they were sorry they couldn't save her. Then many minutes later they came out and said she came back.
She had experiences too. Yes they are real.Yes we do live on.
They are at peace.. There is no loss for them, Only us.
But be of comfort knowing they are in a better place.
You saw the light. You know it's true.
Merry Christmas !

[annalysiar]

Merry Christmas....
that's amazing and relieving at the same time

[Cryingkate]

Happy Happy Christmas !

[annalysiar]

😃😃😃😃