Beautiful Lie

I dreamed that some day our world would experience world piece and eternal love
I hope that someday our world treat everyone equally
I wish that someday we would make a difference and probe to the world that we can do it!
But all of them are tied up into hopes, nailed onto wishes and locked up in dreams.
I wanted to break trough. And so I did.
I thought it was the start of my difference, but I was wrong. Should have never break through.
I want to live lies and fantacies again. But I can't for I have entered a cruel world.
At first it was good but as time passes by it became worst
I've seen everything . Cruelty,violence,molestion ,discrimination , and many more.
I did not just seen them but experience them all. Yes all.
And by that time I wanted to embrace death.
It may be ugly and painful but was not cruel as life.
But then again life saves me again by its charming and beautiful lies.
By that time I was confused. But I have to make a choice .
Death is a very ugly and painful truth that everybody hates and gives agony and misery for years.
Yet life is a very beautiful lie that gives us memories that we will treasure for centuries.
So I chose life over death for life will give us happiness that death can never give.
It may be a beautiful lie but it is not painful as death

Reviews

[raven]

very nice piece. it's a mixture of emotions put into words. it's got that unique style of yours. keep it up!

[Coyote Poetry]

I do agree.
"Yet life is a very beautiful lie that gives us memories that we will treasure for centuries.
So I chose life over death for life will give us happiness that death can never give.
It may be a beautiful lie but it is not painful as death"
We can't live in fear and we must try to enjoy each new day. Powerful and useful words shared in the excellent story.
Coyote

[Tessa Melendez]

Interesting piece. I like your thoughts of life being a lie and death being an ugly thing. Very good work, Blakheart.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

This poem is full of emotion and feeling. Grammar counts as a setback in this one.
Line 1- "world peace" and not "world piece"
Line 2- "world would treat" and not "world treat"; "hoped" would serve better than "hope"
Line 3- "wished" would serve better than "wish"
Line 5- "break trough" and not "break though"
Line 6- "beginning" would serve better than "start"; "should have never broken through" instead of "should have never broke through"
Line 7- "wanted" and not "want"; "couldn't" instead of "can't" and "had" instead of "have"
Line 8- "time passed by" instead of "time passes by"
Line 8- "I saw" instead of "I've seen"
Line 9- "did not just see them" instead of "did not just seen them"
Line 10- replace "was" with "is"
Line 11- replace "saves" with "saved"
Line 12- "had" instead of "have"
The rest is fine.

Coming back to your poem, this is a very heartfelt piece and speaks out loud of the experience of a person who chose the beautiful lie instead of the bitter truth. Keep writing.

[JayG]

The problem I see is that this has meaning and context to you. And because it does, every line triggers images, memories, and ideas, driven by intent and residing in your mind. So when you read it, it has emotion and life.

But for me, what can " for I have entered a cruel world." mean? Certainly not the same thing it means to you, because I know nothing of the situation which generated the words. So for me, every line triggers images, memories, and ideas, driven by intent and residing in YOUR mind. And since you're not here to clarify...

This is the synopsis of a story, the outline you would use to write it. So now that you have that, write it.

[Mifa]

For someone whose official lingua franca isn't english, I think this is a nice poem. and so I'm going to let all the obvious grammatical errors slid.

However, there's a saying that anything worth doing is worth doing well. So next time be sure to take your time to make due corrections and proof-read your material before posting. Truly, no one is above mistakes. But we can at least try to bring such mistakes to the barest.

I really liked the contrasting nature of the poem. I like how you were able to evoke a sense of struggle within the poet as he battles with which he finds more relatable -a beautiful lie or a painful truth. You certainly stirred some emotion in me and I applaud you for that.

Once again, I must say, this is a nice poem. Keep writing BlakHeart. Good one.

[Nwang]

Nice comparision between two contrasting subjects. Good open verse and nice style but you have made a bunch of spelling errors in the first line I think you intended to write 'peace' but it was misspelt 'piece'. Similarly,'probe' was probably 'prove', 'trough' was 'through', 'fantacies' was 'fantasies',

[GalaxyGhost]

Life is a crazy mess and you either accept it or actually do something about it. I think your poem reflects that there needs to be some sort of awareness that the world is changing so much and that it is lacking in peace and everything else is falling apart in society.

[AliciaB]

You've truly poured out your heart in a brutally honest way here. The poem follows a thought process that is almost methodical, yet at the same time full of pain and emotion. There are definitely beautiful parts to life. There are definitely ugly parts as well. Life is often miserable, and that is horrifying. Death is a mystery, and that can also be horrifying. My encouragement to you is to never give up hope. Never give up hope in life, even if all of the suffering that it entails makes the beautiful parts seem like a lie. If true evil exists in the world - and it most certainly does - then true good can exist as well. Never give up hope in what comes after, either. Mysteries can be full of joy. I am praying for you.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

the true insanity is not realizing the world was always mad and that while change may not be always considered a good thing. it is inevitable just like death, and society will continue to change forms into something grotesque and unrecognizable to the current us and our present views

great job hope this a prologue because then i am interested in the continuation (: