Symphony of the Downcast

A glimpse into the mind of struggling young prostitute.

Symphony of the Downcast

 

I cringed as I thought about what I had just done. I didn’t feel right, not that it ever did. But there was something about this particular guy that made him linger in the back of my head.

I don’t like thinking those thoughts. They have no business staying in my head.

 

At least I will soon have the opportunity to let a static buzz quiet my disarraying thoughts.

 

Quiet.

 

It gets so dam quiet. I think that’s why the time passes so quickly when you shoot. Because there’s no differentiation between moments. Breathing becomes the only clock.

 

And it’s so quite.

 

But the noise comes back like a b***h. It reminds me of an annoying swarming bee. No-not like a bee: bees make honey.

 

I walked to El Duracco’s and bought a chili pepper taco for 74 cents: talk about getting a bang for your buck. The taco wasn’t very tasty. But it was enough to calm the pains in my stomach. I’m too skinny. Many folks out here get strung out because they can’t afford even these 74 cent tacos.

 

Thank god I’ve been pulling it in lately. In fact I could probably eat somewhere nicer. Somewhere where they place a glass of water in front of you and ask you how your day was. But they don’t have those in this area.

 

It would be nice if someone gave me a glass of water. I imagined a smiling old woman asking me “how is your day”. That would be nice.

 

There would be recognition that I exist. I would probably smile and think of something nice to say back.

 

I think that I’m as nasty as I am because I don’t have anyone to say anything nice to.

 

It didn’t seem right. I’m not the type that would care.

 

…Weird.

 

He reminded me of my younger brother. He looked at my body with interest and understanding. The way he brushed my disheveled “wild horse hair” into place made me feel at home for the 30 minutes of our encounter. He was unattractive, they all are. The large scar that tore across his face made him seem more brutal than he really was.

He was no lamb, it was just the scar made him look terrifyingly brutal. He was only slightly brutal. They always are. That’s why they use girls like me. This is why they come to this part of town: because they feel like they need to be brutal to someone.

 

Society wants girls like me treated brutally. They think it’ll straighten us out. It doesn’t.

 

What a shame.

 

In the real world I might’ve gotten along with him.

 

…Too bad.

 

At least I got my money. I’ll be set for the next 2 days.

I’ll figure out what to do then.

 

Author's Note

Symphony of the Downcast: Written a while ago.
How does this story make you feel?
Can you relate to the character of the story?
Please share your comments. If addressed to me (The Author) I'll make it my business to respond.

Reviews

[Francis Danger]

that was fantastic! i used to know someone, a professor, who could read a story and within the first sentence tell if the book was at all worth reading. he was proud beyond belief of this ability. i think he would have went nuts with the title of your story ALONE. Symphony of the Downcast is about the best name i've heard all day for anything, and i've been awake a for a very long time.

there were some base grammar issues, a semi-colon where colon would be used, starting a sentence with a preposition, etc, but with some re-reads, I think those minor issues could be corrected. i think beyond that the story flowed very well, and you definitely got your point across like a bullet does. the character you wrote DOES seem a bit shiftless, but again, as previously mentioned, i think it fits into your story well. i, for one, would like to read more.

[KillerWithWords]

My grammar isn't all that great, but as you said, a few re-reads and edits will fix that.
I'm glad you like my character. These short stories is where i invent them, i then use them (my invented characters) in long stories (i'm in middle of a novel-but it needs serious editing before i'm going to share).
I agree with your professor, and i am flattered by your appreciation for the title. It took some thinking before i put it down.
Thumbs up Francis Danger.

[once upon a time]

I think this is really good. You really hooked me in and kept me hooked all the way till the end. Great job! :)

[R.E. Vaughn]

nice ride ... flows well but I couldn't seem to get into the head of the narrator until about two-thirds through the read. Nonetheless, this piece kept my attention.

[That_Girl]

This needs a general edit for punctuation and spelling. Also, the very beginning is off...

"It didn’t seem right-not that it would change anything. But I knew this one would linger in the back of my head for a while. That bothers me. I don’t like thinking those thoughts." Didn't (and knew) is past... bothers (and don't) is present... yet they are both supposed to be present, I think.

The character is lifeless, but in a good way- it seems fitting. I've known a lot of strippers who are treated quite similarly and it's a shame. Overall, pretty good... just needs that edit. :)

[KillerWithWords]

Perhaps it's the retrospective narration that makes this confusing. It is someone talking now-about what has already happened.
Some thoughts are present, some are past.

I understand though. I see the spelling and punctuation errors...

[KillerWithWords]

Revised.