I like the sentiments you express, nice job with that. I do think that your expression was a little boxed in by the rhyme, trying to make it fit, as it were. Like the line "Don’t stab me with your hay" -I know you were looking for a rhyme with 'anyway', but the line doesn't make a lot of sense, so the meaning is lost on the reader. Sometimes you have to sit back and think of another way to express the words you want, especially in rhyming poetry.
A couple of minor things: 'Thou' should really be 'though' in order to avoid the connection to the Old English wording, which completely changes that line, and 'brake' should be 'break' -same thing, the words have two entirely different meanings.
Before you think I'm picking on you, I actually like this poem a lot. It says a lot about the condidtion of a worn out heart, and emotions that take time to heal. Nice job, and keep up the great writing...
I like the sentiments you express, nice job with that. I do think that your expression was a little boxed in by the rhyme, trying to make it fit, as it were. Like the line "Don’t stab me with your hay" -I know you were looking for a rhyme with 'anyway', but the line doesn't make a lot of sense, so the meaning is lost on the reader. Sometimes you have to sit back and think of another way to express the words you want, especially in rhyming poetry.
A couple of minor things: 'Thou' should really be 'though' in order to avoid the connection to the Old English wording, which completely changes that line, and 'brake' should be 'break' -same thing, the words have two entirely different meanings.
Before you think I'm picking on you, I actually like this poem a lot. It says a lot about the condidtion of a worn out heart, and emotions that take time to heal. Nice job, and keep up the great writing...
Some wounds are permanent. Better not to lose control. Best to walk away with some pride and strength left.
"I won’t go drunk and roam the streets
Won’t kneel and kiss your feet
There’s nothing you can do
You can’t fix it with some glue "
I like the strength in the words. A outstanding poem.
Coyote
intense in and outs of heart and soul, what was broken, what was already broken. .. and forgiveness... whats really the meaning of forgiving...........people never forget
![[send message]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/mail.png){kind=small}
![[befriend]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/friend.png){kind=small}
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Read Request
My Library
Flag Writing
