Numb

A Poem by M.Kilani

Sky of grey

Fading ray

Clouds hiding the sun

What has became to the one

Be strong, I've been told

Be wise, be bold

Grab all you can hold

Nowadays everything can be sold

Now I'm older, colder and wise

Homeless from dawn till next sunrise

Tamed are my screams

Repeated are my dreams

Special, strong yet alone

Honer that all men can't scorn

No remorse, no regret

A fading soul behind a cigarette

Sky of grey

Flesh and clay

Redeeming the undone

Pen I hold against a gun

Nothing it declares

for no one ever dares

No one either cares

For all has gone numb

© 2013 M.Kilani

Author's Note

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Reviews

SyberRose

Mohammad...I enjoyed your poem and yes the pen is sharper then the sword especially in the newspaper business as I read your comments to James...Fading soul behind a cigarette...I interpreted that to be a man retiring as my husband retired from the newspaper business a few years ago...he was a circulation director... enjoyed reading James review to you also...Rose:)

Posted 11 Years Ago

11 Years Ago

Dear Rose,
Thank you for your review, I'm really glad you you agree and relate to the poem an.. read more

James Hanna-Magill

Dear friend

High time I returned the compliment of yours tender and critical reviews of my writing.

You have a wide library to pick from and I chose this as your title attracted me.

It is a point worth noting, the importance of a title as it can as easily get you picked off a bookshelf by a consumer reader as left on the shelf for hat reason alone.

As I start this review, I am never sure how it will take shape.

I think as I write.

Perhaps my reviews might be more concise if I thought first then wrote my reviews - as in I would have made this shorter had I had the time!

But my reactions are often emotional (though my commentaries can also be very structured).

Perhaps that is the best you might derive from a reader the single emotional and therefore very effective reaction of one reader to the writing and to the author who stands behind it.

Let's see where this review goes as it goes.

Usual first: In your case a very brief profile, no author's note, just the title and the words on the page to judge / form an opinion.

As it springs to mind first, let's do style and rhyme: Six four line stanzas. Sophisticated rhyming structure in each stanza broadly maintained through out 'aabb'

Iambs or metre. Varies in each stanza but there is an effective beat of the drum here which is mellow on the ear.

Repetition and subtle switch: I love your early:

'Sky of grey
Fading ray'

followed later by:

'Sky of grey
Flesh and clay'

A switch in gear and meaning.

Use of English: Simple. No complex vocabulary. Sometimes erudite words help; sometimes they hinder. Here I feel the straightforward and simple way in which you use language assists the simple (?) message.

Grammar: Just one comment. You use the word 'honer' as a noun. No such noun exists in the dictionary to my knowledge unless my dictionary is as useless as I am. Hone as a verb and a noun yes 'whet a stone' 'perfect' Should you be creating the noun and that be your sense fine. but alternatively you may mean 'honour'. Let me know. Intrigued.

As a child I used to read Mervyn Peake the author of the Gormenghast trilogy. I used to get lost it his language and every other page took delight in finding a word I didn't understand, look it up in a dictionary and write it in a little note book. It was only in later life I realised he made up his own words which I couldn't find in a dictionary.

I love his quote on the topic as follows:

“We are all imprisoned by the dictionary. We choose out of that vast, paper-walled prison our convicts, the little black printed words, when in truth we need fresh sounds to utter, new enfranchised noises which would produce a new effect.”
― Mervyn Peake, Titus Groan

Just a thought.

Content and meaning and the writer behind the writing, always my favourite focus: All I have to go on so far is the title 'Numb' So who is numb about what is the obvious question?

As I enter the poem, your meaning does not jump off the page. There are many allusions, however attractive and they all are not always easy to grasp.

But then I like a poet make me ponder.

As with all writers they all have their own personal meaning, known only to them.

But likewise in such cases you can only accept that the reader will give their own personal response.

It is like I am prone to say 'Either I will pick out the assailant in a police line up or put the innocent behind bars'.

My take to which I am entitled?

1) A sense of a disillusioned person, more so a writer;

2) First two stanzas earlier tenets upon which you reflect, right or wrong;

3) Switch in the third stanza to older but wiser. Still you feel lost. You want to scream at the world but you can't find the right words;

4) Fourth stanza a sense of self esteem. Wise enough to self respect; the past is the past and so be it with no regret. Yet you still hide and are lost behind the comfort of a cigarette in reflection on life;

5) Fifth Stanza: However dark the life you feel you lead, or however unable to feel enough to be able to write, you prefer the pen above the sword or the 'gun';

6) But finally you descend back into depression that writing has become a fruitless task in the excellently worded:

'Nothing it declares
for no one ever dares
No one either cares
For all has gone numb'

Your pen holds no weight. And even if it did you do not have the courage and even if you did, no-one would listen - hence back to your title you feel 'numb'.

My call. My view to which I am entitled in much the same way as you are entitled to write it and in so doing ask the reader to think and guess.

An exceptionally well written piece!

As I respect you highly Mohammad, might I ask you a favour.

I have a book with a moral cause being readied for publication after having been read by a personal friend John Le Carre and his agent, Johny Geller, Managing Direcvtor of Curtis Brown, probably the biggest agency worldwide.

Whilst much praised, I was told to go away and improve on it before Johny was prepared to tout it round publishers.

It is a book with a moral cause. I suffer from a mental health disorder (bipolar disorder). The book seeks to comfort those with mental health disorders and those who love them to know they know they are not alone in their suffering; but also to educate those who know nothing of it, so as to help them better understand, accept, not reject and thereby lift the lingering attaching stigma.

As I respect you highly, I would seek your review.

Should this book be published, a proportion of the proceeds will be streamed to mental health charities.

Constructive reviews will also be honoured at the choice of the reviewer with a named acknowledgement and if within my power a summary of their collected works so as to market them too.

I am a businessman at hear,. I did deals in the past worth billions in Mergers and Acquisitions as a consultant and I am treating this as a piece of heartfelt business.

Once heavily edited here, I shall be addressing the famous bipolar for a read and a comment so that when I go back to Johny Geller, I will actually have done his job for him and premarketed the book.

What sells a book, even if tripe is as much the names on the back cover as the content.

Publication is just business like any other. Their only objective to make money. That's it.

One therefore has to hit the market that way.

I know what I am doing here.

Can you please pay me the honour of highly intelligent and highly critical review of Split if you feel it within your bandwidth?

It would be much appreciated.

In parting excellent poem well written

James Hanna-Magill

Posted 11 Years Ago

Dear friend

High time I returned the compliment of yours tender and critical reviews of my writing.

You have a wide library to pick from and I chose this as your title attracted me.

It is a point worth noting, the importance of a title as it can as easily get you picked off a bookshelf by a consumer reader as left on the shelf for hat reason alone.

As I start this review, I am never sure how it will take shape.

I think as I write.

Perhaps my reviews might be more concise if I thought first then wrote my reviews - as in I would have made this shorter had I had the time!

But my reactions are often emotional (though my commentaries can also be very structured).

Perhaps that is the best you might derive from a reader the single emotional and therefore very effective reaction of one reader to the writing and to the author who stands behind it.

Let's see where this review goes as it goes.

Usual first: In your case a very brief profile, no author's note, just the title and the words on the page to judge / form an opinion.

As it springs to mind first, let's do style and rhyme: Six four line stanzas. Sophisticated rhyming structure in each stanza broadly maintained through out 'aabb'

Iambs or metre. Varies in each stanza but there is an effective beat of the drum here which is mellow on the ear.

Repetition and subtle switch: I love your early:

'Sky of grey 
Fading ray'

followed later by:

'Sky of grey
Flesh and clay'

A switch in gear and meaning.

Use of English: Simple. No complex vocabulary. Sometimes erudite words help; sometimes they hinder. Here I feel the straightforward and simple way in which you use language assists the simple (?) message.

Grammar: Just one comment. You use the word 'honer' as a noun. No such noun exists in the dictionary to my knowledge unless my dictionary is as useless as I am. Hone as a verb and a noun yes 'whet a stone' 'perfect' Should you be creating the noun and that be your sense fine. but alternatively you may mean 'honour'. Let me know. Intrigued.

As a child I used to read Mervyn Peake the author of the Gormenghast trilogy. I used to get lost it his language and every other page took delight in finding a word I didn't understand, look it up in a dictionary and write it in a little note book. It was only in later life I realised he made up his own words which I couldn't find in a dictionary.

I love his quote on the topic as follows:

“We are all imprisoned by the dictionary. We choose out of that vast, paper-walled prison our convicts, the little black printed words, when in truth we need fresh sounds to utter, new enfranchised noises which would produce a new effect.” 
― Mervyn Peake, Titus Groan

Just a thought.

Content and meaning and the writer behind the writing, always my favourite focus: All I have to go on so far is the title 'Numb' So who is numb about what is the obvious question?

As I enter the poem, your meaning does not jump off the page. There are many allusions, however attractive and they all are not always easy to grasp.

But then I like a poet make me ponder.

As with all writers they all have their own personal meaning, known only to them.

But likewise in such cases you can only accept that the reader will give their own personal response.

It is like I am prone to say 'Either I will pick out the assailant in a police line up or put the innocent behind bars'.

My take to which I am entitled?

1) A sense of a disillusioned person, more so a writer;

2) First two stanzas earlier tenets upon which you reflect, right or wrong;

3) Switch in the third stanza to older but wiser. Still you feel lost. You want to scream at the world but you can't find the right words;

4)  Fourth stanza a sense of self esteem. Wise enough to self respect; the past is the past and so be it with no regret. Yet you still hide and are lost behind the comfort of a cigarette in reflection on life;

5) Fifth Stanza: However dark the life you feel you lead, or however unable to feel enough to be able to write, you prefer the pen above the sword or the 'gun';

6) But finally you descend back into depression that writing has become a fruitless task in the excellently worded:

'Nothing it declares
for no one ever dares 
No one either cares
For all has gone numb'

Your pen holds no weight. And even if it did you do not have the courage and even if you did, no-one would listen - hence back to your title you feel 'numb'.

My call. My view to which I am entitled in much the same way as you are entitled to write it and in so doing ask the reader to think and guess.

An exceptionally well written piece!

As I respect you highly Mohammad, might I ask you a favour.

I have a book with a moral cause being readied for publication after having been read by a personal friend John Le Carre and his agent, Johny Geller, Managing Direcvtor of Curtis Brown, probably the biggest agency worldwide.

Whilst much praised, I was told to go away and improve on it before Johny was prepared to tout it round publishers.

It is a book with a moral cause. I suffer from a mental health disorder (bipolar disorder). The book seeks to comfort those with mental health disorders and those who love them to know they know they are not alone in their suffering; but also to educate those who know nothing of it, so as to help them better understand, accept, not reject and thereby lift the lingering attaching stigma.

As I respect you highly, I would seek your review.

Should this book be published, a proportion of the proceeds will be streamed to mental health charities.

Constructive reviews will also be honoured at the choice of the reviewer with a named acknowledgement and if within my power a summary of their collected works so as to market them too.

I am a businessman at hear,. I did deals in the past worth billions in Mergers and Acquisitions as a consultant and I am treating this as a piece of heartfelt business.

Once heavily edited here, I shall be addressing the famous bipolar for a read and a comment so that when I go back to Johny Geller, I will actually have done his job for him and premarketed the book.

What sells a book, even if tripe is as much the names on the back cover as the content.

Publication is just business like any other. Their only objective to make money. That's it.

One therefore has to hit the market that way.

I know what I am doing here.

Can you please pay me the honour of highly intelligent and highly critical review of Split if you feel it within your bandwidth?

It would be much appreciated.

In parting excellent poem well written

James Hanna-Magill

Rating /100

11 Years Ago

My dear fellow writer Hanna,
All thanks and respect for your honest review, not in defense but.. read moreMy dear fellow writer Hanna,
All thanks and respect for your honest review, not in defense but in explanation for the poem, which you broke-down to the very simplest detail, although I prefer the reader's projection of the poem on oneself;
A wise man once told me that poetry is meaningless without taboo, melancholy and politics, but I prefer mystery over all mentioned before, where the reader digs a bit deeper to know the writer, which I did while reading any of your works, this poem has some of three; mystery, which lead you to your questions, which are answered in other works of mine, melancholy, which I'm sure you've felt between the lines and politics; you may not know that I work in news industry, as well as in diplomatic field, which I believe would clear some of the mystery in the poem, and it saddens me to report the death of human being, in my previous years I was a rebel somehow, a rebel against language as well, which explains the broken meter and arbitrary syntax, until I somehow started to agree with "authorities" and as Jim Morrison once said "When you make your peace with authority, you become authority." and that is the sad change I referred to in the first stanza, the second stanza was about always being right and calling things by their names, knowing that Any road followed precisely to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little bit to test that it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.
You were perfectly right about the third stanza, but in my case it's not allowed to scream, not because I can't but because a whisper can be louder than a thousand scream, I take pride in my fourth stanza, for it's what I've been taught since I was a child, I was forced to act like a man during the pike of my childhood, and I still do, as for the fifth stanza, it comes from a military and political background, I held a gun before, I sold guns as part of my job, and I know the pen is much stronger in the hand of a politician, yet somehow I fear a misinterpretation can lead to something wrong, especially that I'm managing a local newspaper, and I know exactly how powerful is the media, which brought me to the state of darkness in the sixth stanza, when I try my best to point out a cause that the whole world has either forgotten or ignored,
My friend it's not a matter of having weight in pen or the courage to write, at least not in this poem, I'd lie if I said that I didn't go numb as well, and as you said, I didn't expect anyone to listen, being numb I though; "why bother" at the same time I thought of giving the readers a space to relate, project the poem as they feel, which I believe has worked, based on your review,
So again my friend, many thanks for the review, as for the error yes I made a mistake using "honer" when I meant "honour" and thank you for pointing that out.

As for your book my friend I wish I have time to read it, believe it or not I'm writing this comment while being at work taking a cigarette break, I have shared the book with some of my friends, I really appreciate the respect you have for me, and I do give back respect in return, but I am very short on time, please forgive me for that,

Thank you for your review and thank you for your understanding,

All warm regards,
Mohammad.