Break

Staring into the void astray 

Feeding on my cigarette

Warmth of dark dismay

Pleasure in regret

Mixed with cold pride

Of all I did achieve

All emotions aside

As more I disbelieve

And a sip of black coffee

As thick as the air 

I wish I could be free

I wish that I was there

Disparate hunger 

Feeding anger 

Simple questions 

Have no answer 

I am the walking undead

But my soul is growing older

As thoughts invade my head

The sun is getting colder 

I'm wearied by my decision

It's too late now to surrender

I follow a dream, a vision

I build more for me to remember

I did more at my age

What took many an entire life

Ambition is a cage

Free will is a knife

All that I have forsake

To prove that I can

I'm not allowed to break

For that's what makes a man

Author's Note

Reviews are welcomed

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear M. Kilani

On the cusp of a decision about life, a sharp knife, with a cigarette and coffee as cold comfort.

Perhaps you help me see what you see, what you and I have both seen.

I know all about coffee and cigarettes.

Too much pain and regret, the sum of wisdom, behind you; and too many things to decide, the essence of fear, ahead of you.

Despair or pride at the past? Eagerness or doubt at the future?

But mocking us all at the end, your conclusion, "I'm not allowed to break, For that's what makes a man.'

It's about time we broke and allowed ourselves, just to be ourselves, and not to fulfill the expectations of others for their personal vicarious satisfaction with disregard to our own.

We are born alone.

We die alone.

Don't take travellers, with opinions that do not count, in between.

Having said that:

Be kind to them still as they too are born; and

will one day die alone with opinions that may not count either.

I really loved this poem.

Talk to us more.

With my encouragement and kindest regards

James

[M.Kilani]

Dear James,

Thank you for taking time to read this piece,
You understood the poem perfectly, moreover you understood me and how I treat others,
Quoting Donnie Darko "everyone dies alone," yes that is the only excuse I give others,
Ronnie James Dio once sang "don't talk to strangers" I used to take that song as my own creed, also Pink Floyd's Dogs, but I believe at some points they weren't totally right.

I was once asked "don't you get tired of being strong" I do get tired, I always wish I could break and not to fulfill expectations of others, but what about my own expectations? I should live up to match those, fulfill my own dreams and visions,
Yes, I will be tired, yes I will give sacrifices, but at the end I'll be proud, not only because of what I achieve, but also because I went through hell to achieve it.

James my friend I deeply thank you for your review, it restored my belief that words can make a change, I had chills down my spine while reading your review, a sensation I haven't felt since my poet friends stopped writing and communicating,

I will try to make time to write and read more of your writings,

Until then warm regards,
Mohammad.

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Mohammad

Thank you for your stimulating words.

It gives me great pleasure to read people's writing and find not only style and content which are well expressed as in this piece of yours, but also to find a kindred spirit as I have in you.

I have a habit these days of standing back in amazement at how cosmopolitan this site is.

That I am able to break the barriers of geography and 'talk' to you who are in Jordan, whilst I am in Great Britain (the UK, Wales) is stupefies me.

That it is possible to communicate with those whose religious beliefs may differ too without judgement is calming, balanced and encouraging.

Mohammad, my friend. I only wish I were not the only person to have reviewed this piece. It deserves others attention, it is so well written.

I review a lot becasue I find inspiration in the thoughts of others. The sadness is that the favour is not always returned. I do not mean you. I can see you have been on this site for some time given the accolades (badges) on your profille.

To the extent you have not been published yet, I sincerely hope one day you are. As writers, albeit we may have varying objectives, we all have a voice and words that are worthy of being read, you above all.

I am pleased that you took ancouragaemnt from my review and that it gave you a visceral reaction. We all need that from time to time.

Please do feel free to stay in touch, even by private mail on here, without obligation of course.

I look forward to reviewing more of your writing and only wish for your sake others would too.

With my warmest regards

James