Ninteenth letter: One more cup of coffee

Marks suffers health issues for over-thinking and being under pressure and stress.

Dear Brandy,
I hope this letter finds you at well, I wrote this letter to assure you that I'm in a good health, I went to the doctor, had a medical check and he told me I'm fine, and it was only stress, I know you called my mother asking about me, believe it or not you knew before her, yet Helen was the first to know about my condition, she yelled at me that day, and she's been keeping me away from all harmful things since then, God bless her heart, I wasn't testing her or something, I actually made fun of the whole thing, I was laughing and telling her that they put a pink bracelet around my wrest, I was mad because of it, why pink, although I was laughing she was scared for few seconds, then she laughed about it because my condition wasn't serious, but the doctor said that I have to get rid of that stress before it brings me to my end, he ran this ECG test or what ever it's called, I didn't feel comfortable with being tied to a machine, I never was comfortable at hospitals anyway, he said something about Cardic defect I acted like I understood that but he said it's not dangerous since it's regular, I'll send you the test result, after all you'll be a doctor soon.

I'm trying to reduce this stress the doctor mentioned, I try not to think much, I laugh whenever I can, and I call Helen whenever it's possible to feel happy, I escaped work today to see her, it was worth it, and it helped a lot, Amy and Leo were there, a friend of us, Kinnie, was singing we had a good time, but Helen was worried for some reason, I couldn't ask her because I didn't want things to look obvious, it went through me; her silent and sadness felled me, I tried to make her laugh, worked for couple of times, but she'd get back to whatever is distracting her, maybe I was pushing it, I hope I wasn't.

Leo has became more understanding after knowing what happened to me, he's been covering more hours so I'd get more rest, I really appreciate that, especially that he's short on time and money at this time of the month, I try to help him with that, but I fail with the time part, still I try, although many owe me some of my time, my family do, I had a fight with my father because I couldn't attend a family occasion, I understand the disappointment he felt for not having his son by his side, but his anger wasn't helpful, not for him, nor for me, especially that I was full of the unease that took over Helen. There are other people who I owe some time, Zack, my old friend, I knew him for many years now, he's one of my oldest friends, the only one who I still see while the others turned their backs on me and him as well, he is the sensitive kind of people, always honest and considerate, our friends saw that as weakness, just because he didn't have the harsh frank side I have, he also have the same health issue I'm having, stress and depression took over him, he used to be life-loving, outgoing and social, we used to have hours of laughter together, no matter how silly we could be we'd always laugh, but not lately, not after our friends left, I can't believe I still call them friends, although we were as close as brothers, they fled once I started going after my dreams, they were offended by my vision, the one I share with Leo, and this life of success I'm living now, in few years I have accomplished what took many decades, and they had nothing to do with it.

I haven't seen Mike in a while, he's a bit busy as well, so is Sharon, although they haven't been talking to me much, but I really miss them, not just their presence, but I really miss the talks we used to have, ever since Amy and I departed they have started to act strange, well mostly Sharon, she used to act like a sister of mine, but not lately, I understand Mike's absence, and I understand the change of actions, but I haven't changed a bit, so why did they?

Amy on the other hand seems a bit happier, she's starting to build up herself inside, other than her awkward silent whenever I say something to Helen, she laughs for real, the touch of darkness is still there, but she seems to look a bit less depressed, it could be the fact she's writing her new book now, which is inspired by reality, and it could be sobriety, I know I feel better being sober and clean, although I miss it from time to time but I can live without it, drinking that is, and I've done that before, at least until I broke the promise I made for you, but now I have to reduce smoking and drinking, the doctor didn't order that, but Helen thinks I should, and I think she's right, although it's hard to work for 15 hours with only one cup of coffee and one pack of cigarettes, but I'm trying.

I'm thankful for having Helen around, I can't say she's a part of my life yet, we are still getting to know each one another, we are still finding weak spots in each others and doing our best to make them strong, or at least that's how I see things, she needs a man to count on, a man she can trust, a man who trusts her, support her, understand her, and keep her balanced, a man to treat her the way she deserves, she still thinks of her sister, her future, her dreams, her past and her present, and I can't do anything but giving her time, hope, advice and a good laugh when ever she feels sad.

I'm starting to feel drowsy, it must be the pills I had, it could be the lack of coffee, still I need to stay awake and finish my work, I can't let illness beat me, it's almost time for my daily prayer, it helps me feel better, my heart stops accelerating when ever I pray for you Brandy, it helps me find peace, although I'm not that close to god, but it does, it's almost 3:33, I will finish this letter, go pray, and make myself one more cup of coffee, today I heard a song that says "one more cup of coffee for the road, one more cup of coffee 'fore I go, to the valley below", Helen's been singing it every time she has coffee, and that guy who sings it, Bob, he's a great artist, I see a bright future ahead of him, and I miss our past, be sane Brandy, worry not about me, I'm still strong, be sane and be well.

Yours truly,
 Mark

Author's Note

Reviews are welcomed.