Eighteenth letter: The Chronicles of Nyx

Amy finds out about Mark and Helen, Mark tries to keep everyone happy and measures his steps

Dear Brandy,

I hope this letter finds you at well, not many days since my last letter, you must be waiting for them, deep inside I know you do, otherwise you would've sent me a letter or called someone to make them stop, I hope you got my last letter in time for your birthday.

Many things have been happening lately, an hour of joy followed by an hour of fear and despair, Helen and I started to grow feelings one to another, the attraction between us became obvious, it shows in our actions, words and looks, Amy knew, although we wanted to tell her when the time is right, but she knew before we did, she came to me and asked me directly, it was surprising how she was straight forward with her question, it was expected though, but a bit too soon, Helen and I were worried about her, we were worried about everyone else as well, but Amy was our only concern, I couldn't lie to Amy, I never did, and never well, so I told her that we are still figuring out what is really going on, she somehow gave us her blessing, she said she was glad we are happy, and that she wants us both to be happy, but there was a sigh that brought fear into my heart, yet the relief of letting the truth out silenced that sigh somehow, so I told Helen about that talk with Amy, but Helen knew something was wrong, and told me that Amy would feel uncomfortable with it, we talked for hours that day, we both discussed all issues we could face, we didn't care much for most of them, especially what would people say, the only thing that kept us worried was Amy, especially that Amy got back to writing, I told her about the letters I write you, and she said those letters inspired her to write, and she started writing about our current life, and those writings had so much truth it made many things so clear, even in her writings she gave us our blessing, yet with a touch of jealousy, regret and despair, she stepped on her heart so that we'd find happiness... how selfless and noble of her.

To be honest I was proud of her, her writings were testimonies, as a writer she hit the spot, tragedy and comedy, and all what's in between, while reading those I didn't know wither to smile, weep or cry, it was an emotional euphoria, especially I was part of it, she read me well, I never thought she would, not after all what we've been through, she calls her self Nyx, goddess of the night, I once called her goddess, she proves me right with her blessing and nobility, she did what no human can do, still, I can't allow that to happen, nor would Helen, after all blood bound is strong, and I can't be the one to break it, nor I can hurt Amy, nor dear Helen, so we sat together, had an endless conversation, not because it was long, but because each had doubts, I know deep inside each one of us had some kind of fear, but we have reached an agreement, although the deal sounds perfect, yet I can't guarantee that it is, Amy asked us to take things slow, which is the best thing to do, we still need to decide, Helen and I, Helen asked Amy to tell us when it becomes uncomfortable to her, which I see is wise, since we both care about Amy, and I asked for this to be only between us, to be hidden for some time, we can't afford to damage others lives, and I can't show my affection towards Helen in front of Amy all of a sudden, although it is hard for me, but I have to keep it in, because if I did she will be offended, hurt and jealous, it was enough I made her cry the day she left, I know how that made her feel through her writings, although it doesn't state it, but I can read between her lines.

Leo and Mike, on the other hand, showed no reactions lately, Mike was acting sarcastic, he was acting like nothing has happened, and somehow he was offensive and disrespectful, I feel his urge to beat me down, I can sense his anger, but I can never understand it, he acts like I should be shameful of what I have done, should I? But then again I can't afford to lose such a good friend, I've known him for years, therefore I take it whatever insult he utters, on any other occasion I would talk back, but the fear of losing another good fella holds me back.

Leo has been mixing business with personal issues, at least with me, he snapped at me the other day, I was a bit late for work, I understand his respect for time, I understand his anger, but he took it personal that day, I don't blame him, after all my time is no longer mine, which is another reason why Helen and I have to slow down, but then again Leo went too far, I was wrong so I had to listen to him yelling, I made an apology and admitted my mistake, but he demanded another, and you know Brandy how I don't apologies nor confess mistakes twice, you know well how I don't apologize much, he felt that, so we laughed at it, made the whole thing look silly, but deep inside we held some contempt, still like men we handled things, we need to put our disagreement aside to fulfill our destiny, although I drifted away from it many times, it was gracious from Leo to drag me back... my soul brother.

Sometimes I wish everyone would read my letters, maybe it will make things easier, make everything clear, sometimes I wish I could write more in those letters, to let everything out, just like I used to do on the phone with you, but I don't have much time for that. Brandy, do not worry much, I'm not sure if the cause is physical or emotional but as I'm writing this very letter I'm suffering a chest pain, my heart is aching me, and I feel the end is around the bend, it happened many times before, and I became fine after few days of rest, maybe I'm just exaggerating, maybe it's the long work hours, and maybe it's fear and doubt.

My letters are getting longer, I know that, but lately I feel that every letter could be the last, timing feels somehow perfect, yet weird, how Amy is writing the Chronicles of Nyx, it feels she's writing on my behalf, finishing my own story to start hers, I live now on her papers, in your imagination, in Robin's history, Leo's destiny, Sharon's dreams, Mike's reality and in Helen's eyes, a life lived well, with no split second of regret.

God bless your heart Brandy, God bless us all, if it wasn't for you I won't be here today, I live now another day to pray for you, to write another letter to Brandy, sometimes this is what keeps me going trough the day, to stay alive to ink papers with my sorrow and pain, to sign it with a name, without that I would've been lost long ago, probably dead, tonight I'll pray harder than before, I will thank God for having you among others in my life, and just like the first letter I wrote you I'll end this one; be well.
Yours truly,
Mark.

Author's Note

Reviews are welcomed.

Reviews

[Namaa Hammond]

Now this made me smile! that promise you kept for amy, btw, from the thirteenth letter i remember, you did not break it. She's still smiling esp whenever she reads these letters. It makes her have an answer or a relief of confessions on her own letters thanks kilanerz once again this just amazes me :)

[B. Maaitah]

It's nice to read things in retrospect.. gives you an insight over your present doesn't it m7ammad..