Seventeenth letter: Happy birthday Brandy

Mark wishes Brandy a happy birthday, something between him and Helen starts to grow,

Dear Brandy,

I hope this letter finds you at well, October has almost ended, which means you have finished another lap around the sun, you and your secret did, like many years which have passed just like today I start to count down days to wish you a happy birthday, one year I wished you more than that, and you hit me with the truth I needed, that year I was with Robin, I was hanging on her sleeve, you saved me that day, ever since I'm awake and strong, and I can never repay you no matter how hard I pray for you, your words still echo in my head, and today they are louder than before.

Today I need your words, things have been great lately, even with the hard work and the troubled mind, I found some peace, I'm awake and sober, I have great friends, I miss my family, but I get to see them every now and then, Amy and I are doing great as friends, I restore my confidence when ever I see her trying to stand up to her feet, she is getting stronger, and I can't be but proud of her, she somehow understood my view about life, she knows now that in order to fix herself she needs to fix others, but I'm afraid she'll do it on her expense, and that I refuse to see, especially when it comes to me, if my redemption was to be paid in her blood I'd rather dwell in my darkness, I can never allow such a thing to happen, even if it hurts me, I know I can get back on my feet if I got hurt, but I don't think she can.

Helen and I started to have something, we are both not sure what is it, but we are happy for having it, almost happy it's blinding us, but Helen is smart, she sees things as they are, she fears for her sister to be hurt, she fears for me to be embarrassed, and she fears for others to be offended and judgmental, and I'm glad she told me of her fears, because I share the same fears, although I'm willing to face them, but then again we both need more time to think this unexplainable thing going between us, so we decided to hide it, but we failed to do so, at for least once, still we are hiding it, not from one another, but from all the others, but we can't hide it from Amy, we owe her the truth, and we have to consider her feelings, we can never move a step without her acceptance and approval, so we decided to ask her once we make sure of that thing we're having.

But things were somehow obvious to some, Mike knew it, my tongue slipped and I gave him hints, he wasn't a fool, he knew what I had in mind, although he knows of my good intentions, he wasn't of a support at the beginning, but since he knew I'll do what ever I set my mind to, he gave me nothing but facts, a good advice and a wish of good luck, Leo on the other hand read it in our eyes, knowing that I don't lie, he asked me, but for no reason at all, he hasn't back me up this time, nothing but complete silent, few cigarettes, and an advice to focus on things in hand, something an older brother would do, I know that because I'm one, but then again I never had one, even my father would tell me the same, somehow I feel Leo has grown older, his father's death has a lot to do with that, if this happened earlier he'd push me into it, but not this time, perhaps it's not getting old, perhaps it's business, perhaps he has a reason, but if there was any, I wonder why won't he tell me.

I'm drifting away with my thoughts, and I can hear your words telling me to take time, think clear, be honest and to enjoy what ever situation it is. It was easier with Robin, at least none of this weird group was there, and my decision didn't effect anyone but me, I remember the day I held my gun to protect her, almost shot a man for something that will never be mine, I think she's happy now with her man, at least that's what I hope, she's a successful woman now, I'm proud of her, although I haven't seen her in years, but I'm glad I saved her. Here I am drifting away with my thoughts again, and I can't erase this ink, but I know you'll understand, I don't even know why I brought Robin's name up.

I guess you will receive this letter on your birthday, maybe a day before, it's almost three years since I started praying for you, and my shift is about to start, I will pray for you Brandy, same time, same prayer, just as the first time I did three years ago, but I'll pray for others too, while others pray for you as well, I hope they do, you deserve that and that's the least I can do, Happy birthday Brandy, I wish I could say it to your face, I've sent you a photo of our crazy group, there's always a place for you in there, be sane, be well and stay forever ... you.

Yours truly,
 Mark.

Author's Note

Reviews are welcomed