Sixteenth letter: God bless this mess I'm in

A Chapter by M.Kilani

Mark finally starts to let light into his life, stops being harsh on himself for others' sake and gets back on his feet

Dear Brandy,

I hope this letter finds you at well, I hope you are doing well, I really do, I am finally standing to my feet, or at least I try to keep myself from falling to my knees, it's been months since Leo's father died, ever since that day I was trying to be strong, and I got stronger, not only for my sake, but for Leo's, Sharon's, Amy's, Helen's, and Mike's, they were all falling apart, and I couldn't see them on their knees, although I was the weakest among them, I've been working for 14 straight hours a day, no rest no sunshine and no whiskey to wash that suffering down, still I was strong, strong enough to pick them up, we hang out together whenever we can, sometimes they have fun without me, but I don't mind it, their joy keeps me going on.

I visit my family every now and then, I don't see them much but at least now they understand why I don't call much, I got back to working with Leo, the business is going well, but he needs me by his side, this is why I'm working 6 extra hours, I saw Amy and her sister Helen at my hometown, we've became close friends, and now that I see her often I stopped thinking of her, actually I stopped worrying about her, yes, I am friends with Amy, it's hard for any other man to do so, but then again it's me, you know how I'd rather gain a friend instead of an enemy, any other man would've took advantage of her, but here I am saving her, not expecting nor wanting anything in return.. why... I'm not sure, maybe to repent, maybe because I hate to see her getting hurt, maybe because I hate to see my friends in pain, maybe because it's my nature, and I don't really want to know... After all who doesn't want to be saved, she had a bad relationship months ago, I believe that left her with scars, she went back to her addiction, and I'm trying to help her to quit, and it's amazing how she listens to me, I made a deal with her to quit mine if she quits her's and we are both clean and sober for months.

Mike is suffering with his new job, he was in a bad relationship which we saved him from, he had many debts piling on him, I was more than glad to offer him a hand, despite the fact that he hates me for being honest, it hits his nerves whenever I try to dig deep into his troubles, he likes sugar coated truth, but not this time, I had to be harsh, I know I owe him that, although he gets a bit sensitive whenever I try to fool with him, I don't see Sharon much, but she says she's doing well, her family are on her back for no reason, but I know that she's just glad to have Leo in her life, Helen found out that her man was good for nothing, I knew he wasn't from the first time I saw him, so she left him for good, she had few hard days, but she was strong enough to move on, now we are good friends, actually more than good friends, we have great times together, we even went out alone for couple of times, we laughed so hard my ribs hurt, I never thought I'd like her that much, among this weird group I like her the most.

I wish you were here Brandy, but I know you'd be busy saving lives and taking care of your gentleman, but I wish you were here to share this happiness we're having, I still pray for you on my cigarette break, same time as always, 3:33am, but now I'm praying for my friends as well I finish my prayers with "God bless this mess I'm in".

My life is still hard, I'm still need a woman, I'm not looking, and having Amy around isn't holding me back, but I just can't find what I'm looking for, it could be right before my eyes, hidden among the crowds, I know you would tell me to stop looking, and I know you'd say live your day and suck life to the marrow, "Carpe diem" you would say, and I'd say "Momento Mori", I remember switching those turns whenever you feel down, and how I'd make you laugh with all sorrow you hold, and that makes me go one, covering sadness with madness. Time for me to sleep now, it's ironic how I've always ended my letters with "be sane and be well", but not this letter, I'll end this like Leo used to end his, "stay forever young."

Yours truly,
Mark.

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