Fifteenth letter: Sanctuary in prison

Leo's father dies, Mark and Leo rush to their hometown for funeral, Mark thinks of staying there.

Dear Brandy,

I hope this letter finds you at well, it's been many months since my last letter, and I haven't got any of you since I don't know when, I really miss our talks, I miss the comfort of your voice, and I miss life of comfort.

I'm writing you today in sorrow and grief, last week Leo's father has died, we took a train back home once we heard the bad news, I couldn't say a word since we did, I couldn't show pain nor sadness, I had to stay strong, for Leo's sake, on our shoulders we've carried a man of honer and respect, bed him farewell to dust, and we had to be strong. That day I saw a look on Leo's face after we buried his father, a look that I'll never forget, a look that I know well, he was on his knees, almost shed a tear and I couldn't help but to pick him up, pat his back and tell him to be strong. I felt his rage, melancholy and weakness, and I carried that into my soul, just so he'd stand up to his feet, and I never thought I'd feel such a thing, but I did, and I still do. I feel sad for him and his family, I feel sad for Sharon as well, it was her wish to have his father's blessing on their marriage, and even that had to be delayed, maybe cancelled.
Leave death to the dead, now I understood what that means, although I've been saying it to many.

My dear Brandy, I'm not going to ask you why did you stop writing me, nor I'll ask you to, so I'm writing you instead, assuming you will ignore my letters; after all you'd forget me by now, but again I had this urge to write, and I still feel comfort writing you, although I've been denying myself that comfort; I've been working hard lately, too hard that I can't taste life anymore, day and night, and it fells me with anger, hate, depression and hopelessness, I've became so hopeless that I'm afraid to break free, I think of it all the time but ... to what end ? I can't keep living on roads, I can't keep moving from a place to another, from a job to another and from a woman to another, I need something to bind to, somewhere to call home, someone to come back to every night, someone to accompany me instead of my whiskey. Yes I'm still drinking, I tried to stop but I couldn't, and I'm not drinking anything but whiskey, I really miss the taste of wine, it used to fell me with passion, but passion is gone now, it was lost after Amy, I don't know why but I'm still thinking of her, I don't want to, but I can't help it, I even keep myself busy so I don't, I made my job my sanctuary, although it's more of a prison.

I'm lost in words now, and I don't want to bother you more of my troubles, I know you have enough already, the alarm went on, it's 3:33 and it has just hit me sober, I still pray for you whenever I can, I'm not sure all those people still do, I even started to forget them, I can't believe I'm home now, I'm thinking of staying here and leaving everything behind, but I feel like a stranger here, no wounder I've always said "anywhere but home" still it's ironic that I need one, be well Brandy, be sane and be well.
Yours truly,
 Mark

Author's Note

Reviews are welcomed.