Fourteenth letter: Concrete Wilderness

Mark is fed up, astray between wandering, drifting and being lost.

Dear Brandy,

I hope this letter finds you at well, it's ironic how I'm still writing you, telling myself this will be the last letter, but again I write you more, sooner than I think I will, sometimes I wounder if you're real or just an image I have in mind, I've been going through many lucid dreams I can't tell what's true and what's not, I'm still stuck between my dark room and my office, spending all my saving whenever I see any of my friends, spending more on cigarettes, I have seen worse days, I've been able to stand on my feet but not this time, I feel weak for once, weak and afraid, it's the first time I stay on the ground after a fall, I would like to convince myself that the view is good from here but no, it's not.

I miss travailing, I miss the adventure I had with Leo, driving for long hours under burning sun and rain, being totally clueless about what will happen next, maybe because I know what's going to happen, at least tomorrow, I know I'll wake up late, drink my coffee have lunch and head to the office, get back at midnight and stay awake till dawn, hitting bottles, burning cigarettes and listening to silence, until that music box starts playing, which I started to hate, but somehow it reminds me that I'm still alive.

Brandy you will never believe who I have seen two weeks ago, remember that girl Karmen, the one I sent home with bloody flowers, she has grown up to be a really good looking lady, a true heart breaker, I've been thinking about her a lot lately, specially that I'm lonely, specially after Amy has opened a door I've kept closed for years, I'm thinking of taking her out, and see what would happen, but I can't find time to do so I have to work all night, and the fact that she has many men she calls friends bothers me, I mean what good would I do for her, I'm starting to get old, drunk most of the time, why would she even accept my invitation, after all I'm drained out of happiness, although she might bring that back.

Brandy I feel trapped, I can't tell if I'm drifting, wandering or just lost I can't stand the city anymore, I can't stand my job any more, I feel like I'm lost in wilderness trying to find my way home through a concrete forest instead of making me a home.

I've just decided to stay awake all night and day, play some music for a change perhaps I would feel better, this way I'll make sure I'd pray for you at 3:33, after all that's what keeps me away from the loss of god, and that isn't easy at all, I don't know when would I write you again, I'm not sure if I will, but I hope my next letter would carry some good news, I could use something good for a change, but until then be sane and be well.
Yours truly,
 Mark

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the letter. Letter are very cool. Can translate happiness and thoughts with ease. I like the way you described life and the things around you in this letter. Thank you for sharing the excellent letter.
Coyote

[Emily B]

we all get lost sometimes, adrift in a sea of senseless noise

[B. Maaitah]

you're not lost you're just not liking what you do, and in denial of it, and it's easier to think you're lost than face the the actual reality of things because right then you'd be obligated to do something about it, but if you keep telling yourself you're feeling lost then you can go on being lost, until something... or someone, finds you

job well done.

[olla]

interesting.. I need to go back and read the other letters..