Mars Delight

Keep moving forward.

I'm standing on the train platform waiting for the 2.05 to Dublin.

Tears in my eyes, hood up to conceal it from others, music plays in my ears but I am not listening.

The World Cup final will kick off soon but I do not care, my mind is wandering and I am disassociated from reality.

My mind is focused on one thing only, the world does not exist outside this thought

I am solely thinking about the last five years of my life, who I was and who I have become.

I think about the five years I had planned and the next five after that, they will not happen.

I think about the first time I saw you, the first time I met you, your contagious smile.

I take a step forward on the platform.

I think about that almost kiss laying on the couch in a mutual friend's house. I think about our actual first kiss in the hallway of another mutual friend's house. I think about the zoo, I think about the aquarium, I think about Lanzarote, 3000 feet below the sea in a submarine.

I take a step forward.

I think about the fights, the insults, and the subsequent kiss and makeups. It always ended staring in each other's eyes.

The tears in mine now roll down my cheeks as I take another step forward.

I think about the late nights doing what lovers do, and how hard it was to be apart. I think about those cold, dark days on the back of a bin lorry and the joyful surprise I felt when I found you in my bed one random Wednesday. I think about our big breakup and the even bigger make up. Crying happy tears over a Subway. I think about our four-legged boy who we saved from the pound and who saved us right back. At least I know he will continue to be saved and loved where he is now.

I take one last step forward.

My tears roll into my mouth but I cannot taste them. My mind is occupied. I think about the past six months, the support and love you showed me, there was no signs or I was too blind to see them. I think about last night laying in your bed, your head on my chest, my hand playing with your hair. I had no idea what was in store. I am standing at the edge of the platform, I feel hurt, heartbroken, angry and betrayed but deep down I knew you needed to do what you did, it could not have been easy to do it. To hurt someone you care so much for. My tears fall to the ground as I lift my foot to step forward. I hear the loud whine of the train pulling into the station, the music floods back into my ears as I fall back to reality and into focus.

I take two steps back and wait to board the 2.05 to Dublin.

Author's Note

Hippos sweat red when they are upset.

Reviews

[Andy Leavy]

This is super old but just posting s**t on my phone.