Mysterious Lover

Just a little somethin I wrote, feels like more of a personal reflection of myself~ :)

Raveled with mystery,

Sealed by love.

His affection and will,

Driven by the moon above.

Give him an inch,

He'll take you a mile.

Making your time spent,

All worth the while.

His eyes are alluring,
His voice, soft and pure.
His love and passion
Almost too much to endure.

Loyal and strong at heart,

He'll teach you and show you the way.

How to turn darkness into light,

How to turn night into day.

The flame burning in his heart,

Shows deep within his eyes.

A passionate lover,

He'll share with you his surprise.

Reviews

[Ravyne Hawke]

Lovely dedication poem to a lover.. I love the twist you did to a cliche: "Give him an inch,/He'll take you a mile." Definitely adds a new dimension to a worn out phrase. The phrase "He'll share with you his surprise" is a wonderful innuendo, leaves the reader wondering.

I have a couple corrections.. in stanza 1 line 1, "mysterious" should be "mystery"
in stanza three:

His eyes alluring,
Voice soft and pure.
His love and passion,
Almost to much to endure.

could read:

His eyes are alluring,
His voice, soft and pure.
His love and passion
Almost too much to endure.

overall, this is a wonderful piece.

[Kiba Shadowpaw]

Thank you for the tips darlin~ Sometimes i type different words than what i'm thinkin or sayin, and i tend to overlook them n.n;

I wasn't sure if the repetition of "his" would be a little to much, but i'm glad to hear that my original thoughts were correct. I'm glad that you

[Ravyne Hawke]

I say always go with your gut instinct.. of course there will always be a few who don't like something.. ultimately it is your poem though..

[Kiba Shadowpaw]

I should learn to listen to my gut instinct more, it seems to prove me right a majority of the time x.x I tend to be picky about my own writings and think that half of them could use a lot of improving.. I have 58 poems so far and i've only uploaded a handful due to my own insecurities

[Ravyne Hawke]

As I've told some other budding poets, if you keep in mind this one short phrase "show, don't tell" and create images that burn the page, delight the senses, and leaves the audience speechless, then your poetry will be great. I still rework some of my older pieces too. I think revision is part of making a poem great.

[Kiba Shadowpaw]

Hmmm, i tend to rework my older poems as well. Ithink they're fine at first, and later on down the road i find my own flaws and ways to improve them~ I think i just may upload more of them then :)

[Ravyne Hawke]

send me read requests when you do

[Kiba Shadowpaw]

Will do~ Thank you for taking interest in my work

[Ravyne Hawke]

my pleasure, dear =)