Dark waters

I’m spinning round and round in a sea of darkness
can't seem 2 find the light

someone grab me and hold me tight

steady the rocking of the darkening sea that has frightened me

mend my heart that has been broken

with my tears my soul has been soaken

dry them away for I have no heat of the sun
there is no light here

and the sea is deafening quiet here

yet it is angry like hellish serpents deprived of sin              

 my being is empty fill it in                                                               as

I lay at your feet on this makeshift boat I have no hope                    

 

I feel as though I am continuously falling..                                        

 falling ever in that pulling darkness never to win free                     

 show me the light which I have yet to see in life                                 

never known love that was not worn with false words and faces     

 make me whole for the first time

Reviews

[Kim Martel]

What is the significance of using the number 2 instead of the word to? It interrupts the flow. You say "sea of darkness" and then you say "darkening sea," the word repetition makes your imagery redundant. Is there anyway you could describe the darkness and the sea further by not just repeating yourself? It's all very abstract and i'm not actually sure what it is about. Maybe mess around with grammar a little for the sake of flow. Add some commas and periods and work on line breaks.