The Dawn

An everyday love story that always escapes our eyes!

It was dawn already and she was tightly packed in my arms. She trusted me so much that she let herself effortlessly rest in them. All of her was on me and I couldn't have loved her more! I was looking into her eyes as she softly weighed me down. She was transparent in nature and had nothing in herself to hide. She glistened without jewels and her beauty was of no comparison. Each dawn, without fail, we met; since the day I was a child till that day itself. And even when I had hugged her the whole dawn I still desired her. I was helplessly in love but, even though I was holding on tight, I knew in my heart that she had to go and that I won't be able to stop her.

Every morning she would leave me alone, no matter how hard I tried to make her stay but at dawn with the same freshness she would return back to me, run in my arms at the very sight and would stay there till her departure every morning. I knew she didn't want to go even today, but God won't fulfill this desire. He, himself, had written down this fate for us and we had to live with it.

Morning, an optimistic moment for many, was scarred with the harsh truth for me, and it was coming. In spite of the pain caused by the sorrowful departure, we knew that it had significance for us or God would never let it happen at all. That longing was an inevitable ingredient of our love that gave it life! It was the reason for us not to take each other for granted, and now it's time had arrived.

"Look at the weather!" she said out of a sudden, "Looks like a lot of raindrops will descend down today!" I just nodded. I didn't care! I was busy staring at her beautiful face and capturing it in my mind. Its memory would be my only source of support for the whole day after she would be gone. Just a few more moments before that would happen, I knew. 

I hugged her tighter and told her to take care. She smiled and said that I should wait for her. "Of course, I will!" I exclaimed. I had done it every day and would always continue to!

"I love you, Leaf!" she said softly. "I love you more, Dewdrop." I answered. She appeared to be blushing bright red as she reflected back the sun rays.

"Don't fall for any raindrop!" she warned me. I laughed. "Oh! They can never beautify me like you do." I passionately spoke but she was already gone.

Reviews

[Iain L. Luen]

I love the unexpected ending, though I could feel something coming. Sometimes when I try something like this, people say, "Sorry, what did I miss?" Keep surprising us.

[George Peck]

That was amazing. The love that's in the poem you can really feel great job. Thank you for sharing this with me. I love it.

[Khyati]

Thank you for reviewing it, Sir ^_^
Thanks tonnes

[George Peck]

Anytime I love reading poems and storys.

[lovergirl]

waw ! so touching , i love this one a lot , it's mysteriously romantic , it's truly a love story we've always missed thanks a lot for your effort ;)

[Khyati]

Thanks for your review ^_^ Lovergirl ^_^

[lovergirl]

you're welcome

[Pryde Foltz]

An enchanting tale that could be improved upon with attention to brevity. Two thirds of the story is expository in nature and one third narrative. Increase the narrative aspect of the tale and you will increase the dynamics of the story.

[Khyati]

Thank you, so much.

[Woody]

this is a truly beautiful story, Khyati! you kept me guessing till the very end. you also used some very nice expressions. keep writing my friend.

[Khyati]

Thanks for encouraging me so much! ^_^

[RAOrourke]

She glistened without jewels and her beauty was of no comparison...beautiful description!
The only thing I would try and do with your stories is format them with indents for paragraphs and dialogue should each be its own line. Helps with the flow and doesn't interrupt the beauty of your story.
Another beautiful short story!! WELL DONE!!

[Khyati]

Thanks so much. You always help me to improve. Please explain further when you say "The only thing I would try and do with your stories is format them with indents for paragraphs and dialogue should each be its own line." ^_^ Thanks you sooooo much..

[RAOrourke]

Sure here's an example and I think it is what the person below was saying, but it makes sense that you are copying this from your blog...but a usual story will look like this:

It was dawn already and she was tightly packed in my arms. She trusted me so much that she let herself effortlessly rest in them. All of her was on me and I couldn't have loved her more! I was looking into her eyes as she softly weighed me down. She was transparent in nature and had nothing in herself to hide. She glistened without jewels and her beauty was of no comparison. Each dawn, without fail, we met; since the day I was a child till that day itself. And even when I had hugged her the whole dawn I still desired her. I was helplessly in love but, even though I was holding on tight, I knew in my heart that she had to go and that I won't be able to stop her.
Every morning she would leave me alone, no matter how hard I tried to make her stay but at dawn with the same freshness she would return back to me, run in my arms at the very sight and would stay there till her departure every morning. I knew she didn't want to go even today, but God won't fulfill this desire. He, himself, had written down this fate for us and we had to live with it.
Morning, an optimistic moment for many, was scarred with the harsh truth for me, and it was coming. In spite of the pain caused by the sorrowful departure, we knew that it had significance for us or God would never let it happen at all. That longing was an inevitable ingredient of our love that gave it life! It was the reason for us not to take each other for granted, and now it's time had arrived.
"Look at the weather!" she said out of a sudden, "Looks like a lot of raindrops will descend down today!"
I just nodded. I didn't care! I was busy staring at her beautiful face and capturing it in my mind. Its memory would be my only source of support for the whole day after she would be gone. Just a few more moments before that would happen, I knew.
I hugged her tighter and told her to take care. She smiled and said that I should wait for her.
"Of course, I will!" I exclaimed. I had done it every day and would always continue to!
"I love you, Leaf!" she said softly.
"I love you more, Dewdrop." I answered.
She appeared to be blushing bright red as she reflected back the sun rays.
"Don't fall for any raindrop!" she warned me.
I laughed. "Oh! They can never beautify me like you do." I passionately spoke but she was already gone.


This is usual formatting for stories instead of poems, it just helps the reader know when to pause and who is talking, etc. Helps with the flow as well! Don't worry about this too much, it is helpful, but this is a beautiful piece!!

[RAOrourke]

It actually wouldn't let me indent on this...crazy machine! Each paragraph should be indented 5 spaces as well as the conversations back and forth

[Khyati]

^_^ Oh thank you soo much for taking out time to review this write-up and for such kind words. You pointed out my mistake with so much of appreciation above. ^_^
Thank You!!

[Stonz P.]

This is a lovely short story.


I only have problems with the formatting of this. To tell you the truth, I would not have read this and missed out on this because the background gets in my way of reading and irritates my eye.. the old white background would bring out the emotion of your story much better..
Think about it. I would have missed out on this had you not asked.
Some lines in between are poetic and added to its beauty.

[Khyati]

I copy them from my blog. The background comes along with this I'll still try to consider what you said. Please tell me how to improve the formatting, and what's the problem with it. Thanks :)

[Stonz P.]

I will inbox you in a bit.

[Khyati]

thanks loads..

[stars are far]

oh that was very beautiful work, and that is talent, you did a very great work :)
keep that work coming :)

[Khyati]

Thanks so much for encouraging.. :)

[Surya pradha]

you're seriously skilled! this story gave me what i expected. keep up the good work!

[Khyati]

Oh my God! What you said satisfied me so much ^_^