Prodigy

I wanted to be a little bit more descriptive about the world. Clear up a few things about the characters, maybe make Osiris a little more interesting. I hope that you're enjoying it, but I'm sorry if you find it difficult to follow the flow. It's my first

“You see son, lots of people wonder why we still have mechanics in this day and age. They all think that life’s problems can be solved by machines, that everything is easier and more efficient.” Mentel said as he readjusted the sprocket with his wrench. Osiris giggled from his play area and clapped his hands causing his father to laugh and continue.
“So why do we need mechanics, Osiris?” The child went picked up his toy hammer and hit it against the glass wall of the crib, smiling as he did so. Mentel grinned,
“Correct! We need to build things and construct the new machines that will replace the old ones. Why can we do that?” the mechanic put down his tools and lifted his two year old son into his arms, “Because we have imagination, my boy.”
It had always been their daily routine. Because the mechanic couldn’t afford to hire somebody to take care of Osiris, he took his son to the workshop every morning, something he would miss dearly when Osiris started school. Looking up to the corner of the workshop to where a small silver box was mounted, Mentel cleared his throat, “House! I need you to run a general diagnostics.”
A beam of light shot from the box and struck the wall opposite before it started to expand into a pulsing sheet that illuminated the entire room. Osiris looked up at his father in wonder and the mechanic smiled, “You never get bored of this trick, do you?”
The blanket of light started to descend, analysing everything in the room. Mentel knew that his home would be subject to the same procedure as his workshop. A low hum sounded from the silver box, followed by a few beeps.
“Diagnostics Complete, Sir.” The box intoned from one of the many speakers that was inbuilt within the walls. “There are seven utensils currently using power that have not been used within the last four hours.” The voice said after a brief pause.
Mentel looked down at his son, “I think that you should do the honours for me, Osiris.”
The child raised his hands and clapped twice, his green eyes locking on the box to wait for a response which came a few moments later.
“Authorisation Verified, Master Osiris Creek. Disengage power supply to unused items?” Mentel beamed down as his son clapped once more. The House voice paused momentarily, “Task complete!”
All lights and power units within the shop powered down, all that could be seen was the baby blue glow of Osiris’ crib. Its glass walls were still glowing from where Osiris had been drawing on them with his fingers.
“Lock up after we leave, House. We’re going to the hospital.”
The voice answered almost immediately, “Schedule updated. Have a safe journey.”

Mentel carried his son to the sliding door and waved his wrist past a small square on the wall. A small green light illuminated as the door opened to let them out. Osiris clung to his father as he felt the cold breeze touch his skin. The mechanic wrapped his coat around his son and started walking towards the nearest Line.
Emerald green eyes stared at the mechanic as he bought tickets for the underground Line, causing him to smile widely, “I know, I know… you don’t want to go to the hospital. But we have to go there. The doctor has some important news about you.” Mentel said with a grin, but the eyes didn’t change, they just looked at him.
“You really are just like your mother, she could hold a person’s gaze until their eyes dried out!” Mentel laughed as he tickled his son, instantly causing him to break the stare.
“Besides, you want to see Uncle Skott, don’t you?”
Osiris smiled and pulled himself closer to his father, leaning his head against Mentel’s chest, the young child fell asleep to the rhythmic sound of his father’s heartbeats. The mechanic smiled and clutched his son closer, trying not to wake him before they got to the hospital.

In the two years since his birth, Mentel had never left his son. Every night he would stay awake until Osiris was fast asleep. It had been very difficult for the mechanic to adjust to the new lifestyle, especially when he had to do the family shopping by himself. There were so many products, and he recognised none of them. Osyria always had known what to get and how to fit it into their tight budget, she always knew where to get the best clothes that wouldn’t be permanently stained with oil. She knew all their bank details and every subscription they had. When she was gone, the mail started arriving. Credits from her account were allocated to Osiris’ bank trust, and then her Holographic will arrived via fast mail. Mentel had tried not to cry, but when he heard his wife’s voice he nearly broke down all over again. The two years had been tough, but Mentel thought he survived them and had coped quite well for someone in his position.

As they exited the line, Mentel took the stairs up to the surface instead of taking one of the shoots up. Even if he was on his own, the air pressure that pushed the platforms up as though they were giant pistons, unnerved him.

“Everyone has a fear, Osiris. Some men fear death, daddy fearrs those elevators.” Mentel said with a slight smile tugging at the side of his lips. The sleeping child didn’t stir from his slumber, which caused Mentel to smile again. Never in all his life had he smiled so much as in the last two years. The mechanic felt a little guilty that he was able to enjoy time with his son so much, but it was as though Osiris filled the hole in his heart from Osyria’s death. Just looking at his son, reminded Mentel of his wife, every day for the last two years. As the two crested the expanse of steps, Mentel paused to allow a few people to pass. Some children on hover boards as well as the occasional old person in a hover chair. Smiling to himself and inclining his head towards a automated traffic regulator.
As soon as the post saw his gesture. The panes of thick industrial glass that were spread out across the street started to flash green, indicating that it was safe to walk across the road. Cars stopped and a barrier raised in front of them to allow a completely safe walkway for pedestrians.

Mentel heard a screech and looked up to see one of the hover-trains dock near the central station to the left. The noise had come from one of the chains being anchored to the dock, making sure that the train didn’t float away in the unlikely event of a floatation device failure.
The mechanic also noticed that some members in the stopped car were trying to see the child in his arms. Mentel grinned at them, closed his eyes and made a sleeping expression, causing the two women in the car to look at each other and smile. Their car was one of the newer models that was fully automated with every known route within the city, further locations could be downloaded from the car manufacturers satellite. Returning the smile, Mentel hurried across the street as the platforms underneath him flashed an amber colour before a rapid fire of deep red. Moments later, there was a brief flash of green when all platforms were checked for occupants before the barrier was let down and the vehicles resumed their respective journeys.
Instead of turning left and going towards the station, Mentel went to the right, only to fall underneath the shadow of one of the largest buildings in the City. The Thunderist Academy, scholars and mechanics that spent their entire lives to the discovery of new technology that could improve society as we know it. But past that, the mechanic walked until he found a more modest skyscraper, if such a thing could exist in their bustling metropolis. The hospital opened its doors almost immediately, each time Mentel entered, he felt the familiar tingle in his wrist as his body was checked and analysed.
Within the entrance room, a voice sounded out politely,
“Would you like the audio analysis to be announced or privately? Privately will take a few moments due to configuration issues with your current software, if you upgrade your ear piece package for just-”
“I’ll take it loudly.” Mentel said with a sigh, wondering how long ago the hospital themselves started to advertise products. The screen in front of him pulsed lightly for a moment before a number of bar charts and figures appeared.
“Check complete, your results are above your specified standards. Is there anything else we can help you with?” The voice asked once again.
Mentel paused for a moment and looked at his own body on the screen. It was a general outline of his figure but there were colours in certain areas. Generally green all over, but there was a splash of pink on his right shoulder.
“Can I have an analysis on my right shoulder?” Mentel asked politely, trying to keep his voice low so that he wouldn’t wake his son.
“It is forecast of muscle strain, you apparently stretched your arm too much and too frequently today and/or yesterday. We advise some rest, yet no medication should be required. Is there anything else we can help you with?”
Mentel groaned and wondered if the pain tomorrow would hinder his work, but he cleared his voice.
“Osiris Creek has a check up.”
The computer paused for a moment before it gave its response.
“Please proceed to room number seventeen.” Mentel smiled and started walking with his son, he could hear the audible moans from the other patients that were stuck in the waiting room. The mechanic acknowledged all the nurses and doctors as he passed, he had been in the hospital enough to know many of their names. But Mentel paused and stopped by the vending machine when he saw a familiar figure swiping his wrist across the coding screen.

“Good evening, Mr. Gryffon, how are you today?” Mentel asked as Skott turned around. “Haha, good as ever, but just a little tired… but when in a hospital, aren’t we all?” he joked as he shook the mechanic’s outstretched hand.
“Insufficient funds within Confectionary Account.” the vending machine sounded, causing Skott to lean his head against the pane of glass. Mentel raised an eyebrow at this, but Skott just laughed,
“The wife wont let me take coffee from the machines, so she cancelled the confectionary account. She even threatened to take away my parking account so that I would walk here more often.”
Mentel laughed before he outstretched his own hand in front of the vending machine, causing it to process the coffee. Skott smiled at him, “You’re a life saver, Mr. Creek!”
The mechanic’s face softened for a moment, “How is he doing?” The smile slowly faded from Skott’s face as he leaned down to retrieve the cup. When he stood back up, his face looked tired and worn and Mentel realised how much of a brave face he was putting on. “Not good, the doctors cant tell what is wrong with him… whenever it isn’t something physical, it’s something psychological. At this stage, I know It sounds horrible, but it’s Jayen I’m most concerned about… she cant handle seeing her baby in pain. You can understand.”
Mentel bowed his head and tried to smile reassuringly. He adjusted his hold on Osiris so that he could place a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “How are you keeping?”
As the question left his lips, Osiris awoke and turned around to look at Skott. A wide smile broke out across his face and he started to reach out. The mechanic smiled as he handed his son over to the now grinning man. Mentel took the coffee from Skott and sadly noted the sadness in his eyes as he held the small child in his arms. “Your son should be three years old soon?” Mentel asked quietly.
Skott, not losing his smile for Osiris’ sake replied softly, “If he makes it past his third birthday, the doctors say he has a chance of pulling through completely. Yet the psychological damage will have a few effects on him, he should be physically okay.”
Handing Osiris back to Mentel, Skott smiled, “All we can do is wait and see… Did he take my ring again?”
Mentel took the wedding ring from Osiris, “Sorry, he does that a lot.”
Taking the coffee back, Skott smiled again, “I’ll see you later, Mentel, I think I might be calling around to your shop later in the week, my car isn’t logging any of the routes I put into it.”
“No problem, I look forward to the visit.” Mentel replied with a smile as he shook Skott’s hand once more before turning around and starting off down the corridor.

Skott and Jayen had a baby soon a number of months before Osiris was born. Their son, Draike, had never left the hospital since the time of his birth. His body and physique were normal, yet the abnormalities in his mind caused him constant pain,. No cure had yet been found, but the Thunderists had shown a key interest the medical case. Mentel only hoped that they found something soon.

Walking into room seventeen, Mentel closed the door behind him. A young woman was sitting at at desk, who Mentel recognised as the doctor that had implanted Osiris’ identity chip. She smiled in greeting and began speaking immediately. Mentel took a seat and shushed Osiris from making too many sounds.
“Mr. Creek, I’m not sure if you remember, but at the time of Osiris’ birth we told you that there were some slight irregularities that we would keep an eye on.”
Mentel felt his heart fall into his stomach, his grip on Osiris tightened, causing the child to squirm around and protest. “Please tell me that he’s going to be okay.” Mentel pleaded with the doctor. However her answering smile was more than reassuring, “We found out what they were and you’ll be pleased to know that they are in no way harmful to Osiris.”
Mentel smiled and relaxed visually, he slowly exhaled the breath he had been holding before he asked, “So what are the slight irregularities?”
The doctor paused for a moment before answering with an amused expression. “Mr. Creek, you are a Mechanic, you know what Geno points are?”
Mentel smiled, “Yes, they’re like an Intelligence mark.”
The doctor nodded her head, “You, have a score of 82 Geno points, which is slightly above average. I myself, have maybe 93. Your son Osiris, has 31. Children at his age, shouldn’t have in excess of 8.”
Mentel stared at her, “What exactly are you trying to say?”
The doctor smiled again, “We weren’t sure if there were grounds to the irregularities, but over the course of the last number of check ups, we have tested his learning abilities. He has an alarming growth rate in terms of intelligence.”
Mentel smiled down at his son, “Smart like his mother…”
The doctor smiled once again as she flipped open a folder, “I’m afraid that smart is quite an understatement, Mr. Creek. Your son is a Child Prodigy.”

Author's Note

I havent proof read it yet, but i think that it should be okay. I hope you like it :)

Reviews

[Ankit Mahar]

“I'm afraid that smart is quite an understatement, Mr. Creek. Your son is a Child Prodigy.”
God d****t I'm in love with your novel. There were a few mistakes in the story but overall the chapter was just amazing. If you'd have published your novel, then I would have gladly spent my money for it.
Amazing novel.
Keep writing
Peace:-)

[A.Lee]

I like the way you described the new technologies. It wasn't too wordy or too extravagant that it threw the reader off. And it wasn't unbelievable.

[N]

There were some small errors, but they weren't a big deal. I really liked this chapter. The dialogue was very nicely written. The detail was great too. You seem to have a knack for detail.
I also loved the way that this chapter ended: "Your son is a Child Prodigy." That brings closure, but makes people wonder too.
I can't wait to read more. This is very different and interesting, in the best possible way.

[Tracie Skarbo]

daddy fearrs those elevators----a typo I found----Skott and Jayen had a baby soon a number of months before Osiris was born.----I don't think you meant to put soon in the sentence seems funny with it there, another typo?----

Over all I really liked this chapter. I thought the glass on the crib was a good idea. Less kids would crawl out of the crib if this was the case. :) Also I found the idea of the sidewalks to be very origional, liked it alot. I am becoming more attached to your characters and I can't wait to see what is going to happen next...I am headed off to the next chapter now.

Tigra

[Scott Free]

YAhoo! Very nice. This chapter was even better, Khance.
I had one big thing that I would have liked to see--I'm not exactly sure where all of this is taking place. I have a feeling its on Earth, but you don't describe the sky (a sure telling device) or anything about the landscape. It could be on another planet or a space station or even another Dimension for all I know.
Other than that, I liked this chapter a lot. You're doing quite well, sir, quite well. I definitely intend to keep reading! Don't hesitate to tell me when the next chapters are up. :)

~S

[54321]

yeah there were just a few spelling errors but it was great! i love the traffic desciptions. you have a lot of great ideas. I'll leave a more in depth comment when I get off work and can have the time to do so ok? But as firsy read through it's turning out really well. I'd buy the book.