Part III: July [Section One]

The story continues

PART III: July [Section One]

 

[JOHNNY]

     About a month had passed and he and Runo had still not had sex. But they had done pretty much everything else you can do before that and all of it couldn't have been more tantalizing.

 

     He had spoken to Kukka once and the plan was that they were going to be in Finland form the 13th until the 22nd. 10 DAYS! Runo didn't want to talk to Kukka on the phone because she had no idea what to say and she was still too afraid. She wanted to just wait to meet them when they got to Helsinki.

 

     Johnny didn't understand why Sylvia was so pissed off. She was still his little sister no matter what but he had found the love of his life. He didn't understand why Sylvia couldn't understand that he still loved her just as much as ever, but he was an adult now. Nothing could change the fact they would always be brother and sister. Johnny did feel bad that he and Runo would be out of town on her home visit but he couldn't help the fact that Runo's birthday was in the same week. He decided not to worry about it. She would get over it.

 

     Johnny had another surprise for Runo. He had saved up his money from his job at Barnes and Noble and with a little help from his dad, and he now had enough money to get a hotel room and take her to a fancy dinner before they went to Finland. He was almost terrified to have sex because of 2 things: First he was a virgin, and second he didn't want to conjure up any haunting memories in Runo's head.

 

     She had done pretty well throughout all the other sexual stuff. A few times she had freaked out and started hyperventilating and crying and he would have to console her. He hated when that happened but she would always tell him it wasn't his fault, that sometimes her mind would uncontrollably go backwards in time and she would disassociate. She would say she would transport back into her childhood, and could only see Ralph and Tyler. That was the last thing he wanted to happen the first time they had sex. He wanted to have the most beautiful experience possible.

 

     He wanted the moment to be between them, not sick perverts. But more than 75% of their sexual encounters, she wasn't "gone" or disassociated as she called it. She had been right there with him in a circle of love.

 

     Cynthia and Gavin weren't mad about the trip to Finland, Runo was really worried about that. They were just concerned that she was going to get hurt. They had been so good to her though. Johnny planned on surprising Runo with the hotel room very soon, but he was very nervous on asking Cynthia and Gavin's permission. All he wanted was to have an amazing mutual first time and fall asleep with her in his arms and wake up next to her in the morning. That would be amazing.

 

     How could they say no when Runo's 18th birthday was less than 2 weeks away? Johnny finished his cigarette and went back into the apartment and decide to write a poem about all that he was feeling.

 

"The Trail Of Memories

 

Only hoping to make it right

Only wanting to make you dazzled

This love sparkles like raindrops

Your touch electrifies me

I never want to leave this

I want to remain- I want to sing forever

Dreaming of that precious moment

When two souls become one

The kiss leaving me gasping

Begging for dozens more

As I walk the trail of memories

Sewn deep into my mind

The moment when our eyes first met

The moment when my heart felt love

The moment when our hands first touched

I could go on and on forever

As physical passion takes care of the rest

Loving you, like a jewel

There is no other soul I could love

As eternity is ours for the taking"

 

     He smiled as he read the poem, it was so true. She was everything to him...and she always would be.

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[SYLVIA]

     Sylvia was suddenly extremely aggravated. It had been several weeks since she had talked to Johnny about their mother and not one letter had come and he hadn't come with their father to the parent weekend. She would call his cell and he wouldn't answer. It almost pissed her off that he had let a girl come between them. She was on level 4 would have a home visit coming up this month. Johnny never answered her letters, the only time she was able to get a hold of him was when their father gave him the phone when he was at home. He acted like it was no big deal! He never answered his cell.

 

     It wasn't that Sylvia didn't like Runo, she did. But when their father told them they spent every waking hour together it made her jealous. What had she done wrong to make Johnny ignore her letters?

 

     She talked to her therapist, Dr. Allen and he told her that he wanted to have a family therapy session with Johnny but Sylvia refused. She was too afraid. Sylvia's intentions weren't to come between Johnny and Runo, she just wanted her brother back. She didn't care if Runo was around, that wasn't the problem. Runo wasn't the problem, they'd had a great bond in the psych ward in Texas, and Sylvia had not met a girl as cool and as sweet as Runo in this program. If there was any girl Sylvia wanted in her brother's life it would totally be Runo.

 

     She just wished her brother would have participated in her stay in this program. She wanted replies to letters and phone calls. She hoped that when she was on her home visit that all 3 of them could hang out, and she wouldn't be the third wheel.

 

     She had met dozens of girls in this program with all kinds of issues. She had been able to come to understand her bipolar disorder and had been put on a medicine called Lithium for her mood swings. She would sometimes still get depressed  but she had learned to get through them without getting suicidal. She still couldn't figure out why she'd tried to kill herself that day Johnny found her at 3:00 in the morning. She really didn't have a reason except her despair and depression were killing her and she didn't feel she had a way out. That had to be it. Nothing traumatic had happened in her life besides her parents divorce and her mother's addict ways of course.

 

     She hadn't spoken to her mother at all and frankly, she didn't give a f**k. It was a Sunday morning and they always got mail after breakfast. She sat in the corner expecting nothing but letters from her father. But low and behold, there was one from Johnny!

 

Dear Sylvia:                                      July 1

     I'm writing you this letter to apologize for not being here for you the last few months. But the reason I haven't is that I have truly fallen in love with Runo. But that's not an excuse for me to neglect my little sister. I love you, Sylvia and when you come home I promise to be here for you. Don't be mad at Runo. She tells me all the time to please write you, but it's my fault for neglecting. I do have some bad news though. I won't be home for your home visit, I will actually be in Helsinki, Finland for Runo's 18th birthday. We found her parents, and we're going to go visit them for 10 days. I hope you understand since we are not paying for it, Runo's Uncle Aleski is, we can't change the date. I am so sorry. I promise that I will make all of this up to you very soon. Runo sends her love as well.

 

Much love,

Your Big Bro Johnny

 

     Sylvia shed a tear. She had to realize he was being fair, they couldn't pick the dates and it was Runo's birthday. They really couldn't change the date and she understood that, it was just really f*****g hard to accept and it truly pissed her off.

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[RUNO]

     It was now about a week before their trip to Helsinki. At first when Johnny told her he had located her parents she wasn't sure what to feel. She was a little frustrated because she had finally accepted the fact that she would never meet them, but another part of her was thrilled because now she could answer the unknown. And the more she thought about it she was angry at other people, not Johnny.

 

     She was a bit angry at Shelby and Aleski because it was their fault she went to foster care for her entire life. It wasn't really Kukka and Jalo's fault because they were too young. Kukka was 14 years old! But suddenly it hit her that everything had happened for a reason. If she would have stayed with Kukka and Jalo in Finland or stayed with Aleski and Shelby in New York, she would have never met Johnny and though she had been robbed of her innocence and totally wronged several times, she knew she had to endure those hardships to come out on the other side. Though it was hard to come to these terms, she wouldn't change a thing because each step had led her closer and closer to Johnny and she believed Johnny was the reward for conquering all of the battles she had fought.

 

     Runo was so ready to lose her virginity the right way with Johnny. They had come close, but her stupid flashback memories would take over and understandably Johnny would stop everything and that showed her that he truly cared. Most guys would just keep going. They wouldn't give a f**k. But the more physical her and Johnny got the easier it became to desensitize from the pain. But it was still really hard sometimes.

 

     Runo had so many emotions running through her head about Kukka and Jalo. She wanted to meet them because they were her reason that she existed. She would not be alive if it wasn't for them. But why had they not kept in touch with her? They could have found a way. What would their excuse be?

 

     Back in March before she went to the hospital, she would have been on the plane to Finland without looking back. She had nothing here. But now she had Johnny and Cynthia and Gavin and the life she had created in Texas. Was she really ready to meet Kukka and Jalo? She was so anxious.

 

     Another scary thought was finding a place to live after she returned from Helsinki. Time was starting to run out with that situation.

Dear Sisko   July 6

     I am ready to go to Finland. I am ready to have all the answers to my questions and of course, I'm ready to have sex with Johnny and see what sex is really about. I want a special first time like I've always dreamed about. Everything sexual has been amazing so far, I know sex will be the ultimate of ultimate. I love Johnny so much I can't explain in words how deeply he has impacted my life. 4 months ago I was afraid of my own shadow. You know that better than anyone. I was so scared of men I couldn't even look Johnny in the eye. But now I've given him a blow job several times and the first time I was so scared because of the memories stapling me to the past but now it's amazing. When we first started doing this sexual s**t I would sometimes freak out and panic. I even cried a couple of times but Johnny was so patient with me. He's so understanding about all of my trauma. Most men wouldn't put up with a woman like this. I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have Johnny. In fact, I don't think there are many men like Johnny in this world. He's one in a million. I am so excited he is taking me for an early birthday surprise. I have no idea what it is, I'll fill you in on everything! I promise!

 

Rakastan sinua,

RUNO

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[JOHNNY]

     Johnny had a wonderful early birthday planned for Runo since they were going to be in Finland on her actual birthday and he wasn't sure how much time alone they would have. He wanted to celebrate the two of them together, with dinner and a hotel room. The most awkward part was asking Cynthia and Gavin's permission. It was so difficult for him but to his amazement they agreed! Runo still had no idea, she was out on the porch smoking a cigarette while they talked. Johnny was nervous and excited all in the same interaction.

 

     The Wellingtons were hesitant at first. Johnny said: "May I have your permission to have Runo spend the night with me?" They pondered for a moment. Gavin looked displeased but Cynthia said: "Honey, they're adults, they're young and in love...it makes sense. It's her 18th birthday." "Oh alright." Gavin said, and then he just had to add: "Use protection Johnny." Johnny's face turned a shade of scarlet. "Gavin!" Cynthia said shocked, "I'm sorry Johnny." Cynthia said obviously annoyed with her husband. "Well I'm just saying." Gavin said embarrassedly. Johnny felt very humiliated.

 

     Runo came in from the back porch when Johnny motioned for her to come in. "We're going to go to a nice place for dinner, you go get ready and I'll be back in an hour to pick you up." he said giving her a kiss. Johnny went home to get ready himself. When he looked at his phone, he saw a missed call and a voicemail from a San Antonio number. He recognized the number in a few seconds, it was Christa, his ex girlfriend.

 

     He hesitated to listen to the message. But he gave in and listened. Her obnoxious, nasally voice went on to say: "Hey Johnny, it's Christa. I was just calling because I really missed you and I just really want to talk about everything. I would love it if you could please give me a call back!"

 

     Suddenly rage filled his veins. How dare she have the nerve to call him like this? Johnny really hated Christa, didn't she get that by now? She had cheated on him 3 times in the course of their 3 month relationship. He never loved her, he never wanted to have sex with her because she wasn't the one, it was just a stupid high school relationship. He never thought Christa was the one, but he knew Runo was. In fact, he'd even begun contemplating proposing to Runo after they got back from Finland and even moving in together in a few months.

 

     He was more than certain he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Runo. Johnny smiled a wry smile and decided to call Christa back and give her a piece of his mind. He wanted to hurt her and make her jealous. He laughed to himself as he punched the number into his phone. "Hey Johnny! I'm so glad you called!"  Her voice made him cringe. She had answered on the first ring. How pathetic.

"Hello Christa." he said trying to restrain himself from going off on a tangent.

 

     Then she had the nerve to ask: "Do you miss me like I miss you?" That did it. No more Mr. Nice Guy.  He said that he didn't miss her at all, and he went on and on about Runo and how beautiful and perfect she was. He even told her they were going to have sex. He told her about poetry. And how he was going to propose soon. She started bawling but he didn't feel bad. "Have a great life, Christa." he said as he hung up the phone. Johnny had never been rude to a girl before but she pissed him off. He knew he should feel a little bit guilty, but he just couldn't. In fact, he felt pretty damn good.

 

     When Runo opened the door she looked like an angel. She always looked beautiful but tonight she as glowing more than ever. Her long luxurious hair was flat ironed and fell past her shoulder. She had on a small amount of makeup but not a gaudy amount. He couldn't stop gazing at her. She looked like a portrait. She was more dressed up than he had ever seen her. She had on a beautiful, sexy red dress and high heels. "What's wrong? Do I look bad? Cynthia helped me out with my hair and makeup and they bought me this dress. Is it too much? Oh my God." She was so cute. He interrupted her with a kiss like he always did when she got panicked like this.

 

     "You look so beautiful I almost felt like I was going to collapse when I saw you because of your absolute elegance. You look like  a stunning piece of artwork."

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[SYLVIA]

     The fact that he had not written hardly any letters was inexcusable, Johnny was an avid writer. The fact that he didn't come to parent weekend just because of Runo was pretty messed up too. But the fact that he was going to be whisked away to Finland while she was on her home visit was beyond fucked up, it was downright cruel.

 

     How could he ignore her whom he'd know 13 years over a girl he'd only know a few months? She was pissed that he couldn't change the date. She had been so excited to have made Level and go on a home visit. But now nothing mattered anymore. There was nothing to care about. The only thing that was exciting about going on a home visit was the chance of seeing Ryan, if he remembered who she was and if she would have a chance to sneak out.

 

     Her home visit was a little over a week away. But what she couldn't figure out was why the hell they were going to Finland anyway. What were they going to do, just show up on Runo's parents' doorstep and expect it to not be awkward? The whole thing baffled Sylvia. There was no way that this plan could be good for them. Maybe they would realize that and back out at the last minute.

 

     Parent Weekend had sucked without Johnny there. Everyone else had their siblings there and Sylvia had just her Dad. She didn't mind being with her Dad but she had been truly looking forward to seeing Johnny more than anything.

 

     Sylvia was in deep contemplation and she truly believed that if it were the other way around and she had a real boyfriend, not just a friend with benefits, and Johnny was in treatment, she would totally put him first. She decided to shrug it off.

 

     Dr. Allen was still trying to convince her to have a family therapy session with Johnny but Sylvia was not going to back down. There was no way in Hell she would do that s**t. It would be really awkward and there would be no purpose.

 

     The main thing Sylvia didn't understand is why they wouldn't let her change her visit until either before or after their Helsinki trip. She had asked Dr. Allen but he said that her Dad had said that it would be too expensive to change the flight, (they had booked it before they knew about Johnny and Runo's trip to Finland) and Dr. Allen said that Sylvia needed to face a disappointment and a challenge and get through it. Sylvia felt so frustrated and so angry but there was nothing she could do to change their minds and that was a feeling she f*****g hated with a passion.

***********************************************************

[RUNO]

     When Johnny said she looked like a piece of artwork it jarred something in her brain. Why was that so significant? Then suddenly she remembered her dream she'd had one afternoon at the Winters.  She remembered seeing the portrait of someone who looked like her but obviously wasn't her. Now she had transformed into the girl in the portrait in her dream.

 

     She told Johnny she had to go grab her purse but stopped and took a long glance in the full length mirror in her bedroom and was instantly reminded of her dream. Johnny had helped her transform into the person she never dreamed she could be. She turned with a smile and headed towards the front door for her and Johnny's special date.

 

     They had a wonderful dinner at a nice Italian place. She saw the prices on the menu and felt guilty that Johnny had spent this much money on her. She noticed they were going in an opposite direction of her home. "Where are we going?" she asked. "You'll see." she liked the anticipation.

 

     The drove for what seemed like forever and then Johnny said: "Close your eyes" So she did, and when she opened them they were in front of a huge hotel called The Gaylord Texan. "Johnny, you can't afford this!" she exclaimed. "Baby, I've got the whole thing taken care of. I just want you to enjoy this." It suddenly hit Runo. Her fantasy was coming true, they were going to have sex and get to spend the whole night together!

 

     She hoped and prayed that she wouldn't have a flashback and she would be able to just focus on Johnny. They drove towards the front of the hotel to valet, and Runo realized: "I don't have a change of clothes or my toothbrush or anything." "Handled." Johnny said grabbing a backpack out of the back seat. "Cynthia got everything together for you." This night was too precious to waste with fears.

 

     She was totally shocked that Cynthia and Gavin had agreed to this, but she was more than glad. They walked hand in hand to the room. This was a hotel that Runo had  only visited in her dreams. It was like an atrium, with waterfalls, plants and flowers everywhere. She held Johnny's hand tightly as they walked to the room. Johnny had gone all out and gotten them a huge suite. She couldn't believe all this but she told herself she deserved every bit of it.

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[JOHNNY]

     Runo nervously sat down on the bed. Johnny knew he was just as nervous as her. He was afraid he wouldn't last very long. "So..." Runo said with a hint of fear in her voice. "Are you sure you're ready to do this?" Johnny asked worriedly. "Of course I am. Johnny, you're my whole world."

 

     And with that he wrapped his arms around her and moved in and kissed her delicately. He kissed her with more passion than ever before, if that was even possible. He gently and tenderly as he could pushed her down on her back on the bed and got on top of her while they were engulfed in the heat of their passionate moment. Johnny's heart was racing and he could feel Runo's was too. He almost stopped to check on her again but he told himself she would tell him if he needed to stop. He wanted to let her be and enjoy this moment of pure elation.

 

     He slowly took her shirt off revealing her smooth skin and perfect torso. After they were both undressed she started to shiver. Johnny pulled away abruptly. "Do you want me to stop?" "No, I'm good. Just a little scared. Nothing you did." she said with her angel voice. "Are you sure you're ready?" He couldn’t believe he had asked once again.

 

     He wanted to kick himself. He was f*****g up the perfect moment. He just didn't want to damage her or scare her. "I am. I know I am. I've never wanted anything this badly, for my fucked up memories of sex to be purified and rectified. "I'm just scared I'm going to screw up." said Johnny anxiously. "Don't worry. I love you for you, remember?" her smile brought him more confidence.

 

     He climbed back on top of her, nothing but flesh to flesh. He slowly entered her, trying to be careful not to hurt her or scare her. A few times he had to stop himself from trembling and relax. He just didn't want to disappoint her. He had never felt so connected to anyone before in his entire life at that moment of ataraxic pleasure. His heart and his soul now belonged to Runo Soikkeli forever.

 

     He tried to move in a rhythm and he had never felt such physical pleasure in his entire life. It felt more amazing than he had ever dreamed of it feeling and he ended up lasting much longer than he thought he would. He had never felt more satisfied once it was over and they lay in the cool white sheets of the hotel bed. His love for Runo had expanded by 10,000 if that was even possible.

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[SYLVIA]

     Her home visit was now only a couple of days away. She had already packed her stuff and she was bringing a lot because she had been rehearsing in her head her plan to get her Dad to let her come home for good. Since she was on Level 4 she still had over a month until graduation.

 

     Although she had many privileges on Level 4, like not having to wear a uniform, not having to ask to go anywhere, not having to use the phone, going on Level Activities on Friday nights, etc, she really didn't care about the program. She did the pseudo-leader act and called girls out on things when they broke rules. She hated doing it but she knew it was "working the program"

 

     She had no friends, but she didn't care. Why get close with someone your never going to see again? She didn't care to graduate the program. It wasn't a big deal to her. She just wanted to taste freedom again at its finest.

 

     She had therapy with Dr. Allen that evening and he asked her how she was managing her anger towards Johnny and Runo. Like she was going to tell him the truth! She pulled the act so well at New Foundations.

     "Oh it's getting better." she said lying through her teeth. "I'm learning to accept it. I know they wouldn't do it on purpose." "Good." Dr. Allen said nodding as he wrote something down in her chart. "How do you feel about this home visit?" he asked her. "I have been looking forward to this day since I got here." "Well I do believe you are ready. Just remember to stick to your values and don't forget everything you have learned here and if there are any problems or issues your father has my number. Don't hesitate to call me. Stay strong. I have faith in you." "Thank you so much." Sylvia said confidently getting up from the couch.

 

     As she walked back to the main house from the therapists offices all she could think about was how great that first sip of alcohol would taste after all these months. She thought about how stupid her Dad was for wasting all this money on a place that she gained not a thing from. She had even gotten close to having sex with Travis several times, there was no question in Sylvia's mind that she wanted to continue this obsession with older men. She loved it.

 

     The best part was that no one suspected a thing. Everyone thought she had turned her life around. Everyone fell for her manipulative acts. She had successfully left them all to believe she had made extreme life changes, but she did not feel guilty. No, she did not feel guilty at all

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[RUNO]

   Now Runo knew what sex was supposed to be and how it was supposed to feel. After they had finished she lay in Johnny's arms stunned and breathless. His warmth underneath the cool sheets comforted her. Maybe 20 minutes after they finished he asked her if she was up for another time.

 

   "Sure." she said trying to sound as seductive as she knew how. She didn't know where this came from but she crawled on top of Johnny. He looked completely surprised but eager for her to do this. Even though she was oblivious everything pretty much came naturally.

 

   She had made sure they used protection. She didn't want to get pregnant too young like Kukka had and have to give her baby up because she was too young. Johnny had agreed completely. Runo wanted kids one day, but not now. Maybe in 5 years. She wanted to be sure she was ready.

 

   After the second time, they lay in each other's arms talking about the beauty of sex between them, and how lucky they were to have each other. Runo thanked him for making her wait until they were in a nice place like this rather than the park. It showed her how much he truly respected and loved her. Everything she had ever falsely believed now didn't matter. Runo once believed that all men were a******s, and that love was a joke. Now she was even more attached to Johnny than she ever thought she could be. And...the best part of all, NO FLASHBACKS!

 

   Johnny was now a part of her, and she was a part of him. Now she knew not only what sex was but what making love was. Now everything made sense. After they talked a while, late into the night she drifted off to sleep in Johnny's arms. She had never slept so soundly.

 

   In the morning, Johnny awakened her with a kiss on the forehead, just like he had done the very first time they kissed. Runo discovered then that one of the very best feelings was waking up next to the man you love. She yawned and Johnny quoted another one of her favorite E.E. Cummings poems: "I carry your heart with me(I carry it in my heart)I am never without it(anywhere you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling." Runo's smile lit up and she continued their beloved poem.

 

   "I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant..."

 

   Johnny scooted over closer to Runo and he finished the stanza: "and whatever a sun will always sing is you."  He kissed her again and before she knew what was happening they were having sex again. Ralph and Tyler's memories had not haunted her during sex, and for that she was eternally grateful. She was 100% totally focused on Johnny and that was the way it should be.

 

   When it was over she whispered: "Thank you Johnny." "For what, baby?" he asked rubbing the small of her back. "For loving me unconditionally and showing me what life and love are supposed to be." "As E.E. Cummings said: "I carry your heart with me." I love you, Runo. I love you with all I've got." She lay there basking in the splendor of the brilliant, blinding true love.

 

Dear Sisko,  July 11

   I can't express to you how amazing sex is with the person that you truly love. Last night Johnny took me to a huge 5 star hotel I think it was called the Gaylord Texan. We had sex 3 times! My cuts on my hip healed up and he didn't say anything, thank God. I was so nervous but I only had a flashback of Tyler once and I caught myself before it ruined everything. I know now that this was losing my virginity not what Tyler had done to me. This was how it was supposed to be. It felt so good to show the ultimate act of love with my Johnny. Sex is supposed to feel good and now it finally does to me. Now I know what is meant by making love. We leave for Finland the day after tomorrow and my lifelong quest of meeting my parents, Kukka and Jalo Soikkeli will finally come true. Finally. Here is a poem about how I feel about sex with Johnny:

 

Glide

 

Your hands gliding over me

With the warmth of glory and love

As you moved in cycles

To the rhythm of a heart beat

All of me, encaged by you

As I offered my soul at will

You recreated the distorted and twisted

You made the wrong, the right

And you paved over the ill-natured

You mended my broken heart

As you inserted your spirit and penetrated

Deep within my soul and my veins

I am left with no words

You stunned me breathlessly

And you have sewn up the holes of heartache

I will pledge you my soul

All of my desire and all of my emotion

Sprawled out entirely for you

Reworking the system

Viewing images of you and I dancing

Until midnight or perhaps even longer

I will forever be, wrapped in your arms

Author's Note

As i have stated this is not the final version that was published, this is just my rough draft so it's far from ok. If anyone is interested in buying a copy it's available on all of the e-book stores or if you would like a physical copy just message me (: