Betrayal (my first poem ever)

This was my first poem. I had no idea it would be followed by 40 other notebooks and journals filled with poetry. All I knew is that I was hurting and I had to get it out. This poem saved my life.

BETRAYAL 10/08/02

Betrayed by you

The one I thought I knew

Yet I’ve come to find

I want to leave it all behind

I’m sick of receiving the blame

Sick of feeling the same

Tired of being myself

I want to be somebody else

And see myself through others eyes

I’m tired of crying, tired of the lies

I want to escape my head

Find out what its like to be dead

I want my soul to escape

Every little mistake

I can’t love anymore

My heart has ripped and torn

I can no longer feel

Tell me, can this be real?

Or am I dreaming…

I know I’m not believing

I hate this place

I hate my face

Can’t I just f*****g get out?

All I am is full of doubt

I can no longer live like this

Every single thing is a miss

I can no longer stand my skin

I want to see if I’m empty within

I am so different

This is my commitment

Upon the final hour of this night

I shall know that this is right

No looking back

I’ve gained from my lack

I’ve been let down too much

This is my final touch

One last time you look at me

Tell me, exactly what do you see?

The mirror, blurry

I, in no hurry

Wipe away the smudge

And view the one with whom

I have formed an eternal grudge

I hate who you are

You’re the dimmest star

The darkest cloud on a sunny day

The one who never found her way

You’re the self-loathing, inconsiderate one

Now this life is finally done

No more tears, no more pain

This is the day that all will change

Blood seeps from these gashes

Now they look upon me, black in ashes

I hope they know what they did

To that little fucked up kid

I hope they got what they desired

Now this life has been expired

And to the one I thought would care

He gave up on me in my despair

He scarred my heart

And tore me apart

Love changed to hate

And now is changing my fate

One more slice

One more roll of the dice

Final hours ticking by

I am now ready to die

Their accomplishment complete

Now I cry out in defeat

I’m not alright

I’m such a sorry sight

As the skin splits and rips

And all the blood drips

All I do is shed a tear

I’m about to meet my biggest fear

I want to thank you for this inside

I want to thank you for this SUICIDE.

Author's Note

My first poem ever and it saved me from actually going through with it. I am ever so grateful to poetry for this reason among others.

Reviews

[A.M. Victoria (LostWrit..]

Hi, I find it rare to see a poem with this much painful honesty and despair, a poem that bleeds like a wound. It's a spectacular poem that, through its words, can convey such raw feeling of hurt and betrayal, and I'm so glad that it helped you through so that you can show the world your amazing potential.

[Lourisa]

Ally, this is amazing, not what happened to you or the deep despair and hurt you felt, but the honest way you expressed your thoughts and feelings. Writing is a great outlet and I'm glad you discovered it. I can identify with so much in your poem, it's scary. It's now a couple of years after you've written the poem an I'm glad you're still with us. Looking forward to read more of your work. Take care.