Part I: March-April

This is part I of the first book. Enter Johnny Blackwell. The heartthrob.

Part I: March-April

 

[RUNO]

     Sitting in her US History class was as mundane as ever. Runo hated school. Everyone avoided her and gawked at her all the time. She walked with her long tousled hair in her face into the cafeteria and sat at a table alone engulfed in her books of T.S. Elliott, Dylan Thomas and E.E. Cummings. The kids laughed and called her anorexic due to her brittle frame and bony arm and legs. People stared in confusion as she would gulp down 4 or 5 pieces of pizza not understanding that she didn't get fed at home.

 

     There was no one in this school that she could connect with on a deep level. There had been friends in junior high she had tried to maintain, but the social pressures took over and no one seemed to understand how parents could just abandon you and end up in foster care.

 

      Runo was still afraid, no not afraid, she was terrified of men. She knew what they were capable of doing: such horrid things. Men had power. They had a power that Runo didn't even want to try to come in contact with. She had gotten enough of it from the men in the past foster homes.

 

     The next day she was dazing off in Algebra II. Runo didn't mind her life of splendid isolation most of the time. But, as with most lonely people, she sometimes yearned for a friend (particularly female as opposed to male) to share her passions with. But it seemed to Runo that she had been alienated from society and that most of humanity were perpetrators, to say it lightly. But more than a silly friendship, Runo longed to reconnect with her parents, but that was intangible. 

 

 

     The bell rang and she sighed as she gathered her books, pencils and calculator and scurried out of the class room. She moped to the cafeteria and sat alone in the back corner, her usual spot. She was writing on her English binder with whiteout. She wrote: "SUOMI" the Finnish word for Finland.

 

     Runo had done a lot of research on Finland, the history, the culture, the language and most of all she loved the music. There were several bands she just enjoyed so much, when she could get away with sneaking her CD player in the cedar closet. Runo didn't even know her parents names. She knew nothing about them. Her social worker Pam never bothered to tell her anything. Pam was not a friend, she harbored secrets.

 

     Then she got lost in thoughts once again. What would life be like with my parents? If I found them, would they take me back? And if they did take me back would I look like the girl in the picture in my dreams? She pulled out a Dylan Thomas book of poetry and decided to recite the last lines of "Fern Hill" aloud, she didn't care. She was used to people staring. The words were so beautiful. "Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means time held me green and dying..." And then an unfamiliar male voice finished the quote for her. "Though I sang in my chains like the sea."

 

     She jumped and nearly fainted from shock when she heard the male voice speaking to her, finishing her treasured poem. Suddenly her guard was up. This was a boy, this could not be good. Even if it was a boy who knew who Dylan Thomas was, she knew she shouldn't look up. She had to fight the urge to look at him. She knew it would do her more harm than good. But she couldn't fight it much longer.

 

     She tried to nonchalantly glance up at him but she caught him in direct gaze. "Hey, I'm Johnny.” And he smiled and revealed a set of pearly white teeth. He was very tall about 6'2". He had very long black hair neatly pulled back into a ponytail. He was on the thinner side, but not gaunt-like. His skin was clear and a little bit pale, but he had rosy cheeks and he was clean shaven and  somehow, Runo thought he was beautiful and she had never thought that about a man before. He wasn't the typical Abercrombie model guy she saw around this school. How had she missed this Johnny? She'd been in Texas for years now, he had to be a transfer kid from another school.

 

     You can't let your guard down... Runo's inner-voice told her. She summoned up the words: "If you'll excuse me, I'm late to an appointment with my teacher." And she threw her tattered hair into her face. "You really don't have a minute?" he asked sadly. She reconsidered for a second and then remembered he was the enemy. "No...no, I really have to go." she stammered as she collected her stuff and ran out of the cafeteria with Johnny staring in her dust.

 

     As she sat in her cedar closet under the stairs she couldn't get the images of Johnny out of her head. Was there something different about him than other men? There had to be but could she take that chance? What even made her think he was attracted to her? He was too good for her. There was no way in Hell she was interested in him. Or was she? Was there a slice of hope that not all men were perverts?

 

     It was a Wednesday night in late March and the Winters were at church. She ran to the back porch and looked for the crows. They weren't there tonight. "I must be too late." She said aloud to no one, so she went to get her journal.

 

     Runo didn't keep actual journal entries, she wrote letters to someone she did not know named Sisko (Finnish for Sister). It helped her to write her thoughts to another person, rather than herself.

 

Dear Sisko,                                       March 13

     A boy approached me today...Well, not really approached me but he finished the quote from "Fern Hill" that we love so much. I think I freaked him out because I hurried away all quickly like a freak. No guy has ever spoken to me before, with the exception of Ralph and Tyler in the other foster homes but that was ill natured and wrong. That should have never happened. Sisko, you know and I know that I don't trust men. Why should I? But is there a chance that some men are good and they aren't all evil? But how will I ever know unless I take a chance? I am so lonely and empty here with the Winters family. They are horrible to me and I just don't know if I can take it anymore. I feel like I'm dying inside and the only thing that edifies that is cutting, but one day I'm going to take it too far. I know it. I can't do it forever. I am so f*****g scared and hollow. I remember the only interaction I've had with any man was Ralph and Tyler and it was so f*****g horrible and twisted. Their hands covered me like widows and wasps. I just don't know how to trust and I wish I did. I just want to be normal. I don't know what to feel or what to think. What if Johnny tries to talk to me again? What will I do? I'm so detached from reality and seriously my life is fucked up....Help me Sisko. Please help me.

 

Rakastan Sinua,

Runo

***********************************************************

[JOHNNY]

    

     She was so strange, yet so beautiful. He just couldn't figure her out. Johnny had felt guilty the rest of the day. He couldn't figure out how he had offended her. He searched all over the school for her and he still couldn't find her. He didn't even know her name. He had just moved to Dallas from San Antonio with his father and sister, they had left for 1 main objective: they wanted to get away from his mother who was had been a pill popper and alcoholic for years. They just wanted to continue life away from her destruction.

 

     He had been in Dallas for over a month and he hadn't found a single person to connect with yet. Johnny had fallen behind in school, he was graduating this May a year later than he was supposed to be. It wasn't that he had skipped classes to get high or drunk, he'd witnessed too much from his mother to become involved in that. He had tried it here and there and he didn't find it that great. He simply didn't excel in school, with an exception for the creative things...Art and poetry. This is why when he saw that girl reading Dylan Thomas it struck something in him. He couldn't figure out what.

 

     He'd had a few girlfriends here and there but the only semi-serious one was with a girl named Christa back in San Antonio. It never went very far. Most of the girls he met were just too plain plus he had his priorities that came before relationships. His relationship with Christa didn't even last 2 months. He'd never been in love before. Christa never wanted to talk about anything but herself and that was a big turn off. Johnny knew he was glad he never had sex with Christa. He had always planned on saving himself for the right girl.

 

     But this girl who knew "Fern Hill" seemed really unique. Any girl who was a fan of Dylan Thomas, Johnny was a fan of her. He was driving around town smoking a cigarette in his Acura. Johnny didn't plan on going to college even though he knew he could see himself majoring in visual arts or graphic design. Ever since he could remember he wrote poems, he painted and he drew. He couldn't go one day without it. He loved both writing and reading poetry. Maybe this is why he felt like he had some connection to this odd girl in the cafeteria. He wasn't really looking for a romantic relationship with her, he just wanted to be her friend. He'd been at this school for 2 weeks and no one had even talked to him at all. He figured graduation was only 2 months away and she would probably go off to college and he'd never see her again, so he didn't want to get too attached. But there was something compelling him towards her. Something he couldn't explain in words.

 

     He had to do something to figure this girl out. That night he lay awake in his bed pondering what he could do the next day to approach her. He didn't know for certain. He couldn't sleep. It was already after midnight. He got up and went over to his desk and started drawing with oil pastels. After that he got back in bed and still wasn't tired. So he grabbed his notebook off his nightstand and prepared to dispel his emotions into a poem, as he did every singe day.

 

"Starless & Endless"

 

My mind is so unquiet

As I tried to gaze

Into those pools of emeralds

Hair spun of the web

Of a widow

Dark as a starless night

She has no voice

She has no name

And she is an endless mystery

That I will go on solving

Until I no longer can

Yet why did she turn her face

Hiding behind that tousled web

Knowing she wanted to be invisible

Knowing she wanted to disappear

Like evaporated water

She is quick like a raven

She is gentle like a fawn

Yet why is she running

And where is she going

And most of all

Who exactly is she

My mind won't stop racing

And the echo never fades

The only thing I know

Is I have never seen

A soul this passionate

Awakening unto my dim pathway"

 

And with that he drifted off to sleep...

 

     Johnny awoke the next morning eager to talk to this girl. He couldn't focus in his morning classes. He hadn't seen her around all morning and he raced to the cafeteria as soon as the bell rung. He was one of the first people in there and he felt pretty stupid. He paced around for a minute or two. He knew waiting by that back table would be a mistake. He didn't want to come across as a stalker and scare her away. He went to get a soda and he saw her enter the room. Her thin frame and long dark hair in her face just as he expected. He felt his heartbeat start to quicken. He marched right to her.

 

     Suddenly he realized he wasn't sure what to say. They looked at each other in silence for a second and her breathing got heavy and her face turned red. Think of something, you idiot!! he thought to himself. Don't scare her away! He didn't know if she liked T.S. Elliott or not but he pulled the only idea he had left. "What seas what shores what grey rocks and what islands, what water lapping the bow..." He quoted "Marina" which was one of his favorite poems of all time. He knew it like the back of his hand. He closed his eyes hoping he had not done the wrong thing. She was frozen. Suddenly a beautiful smile curled to her lips. Then came the voice of an angel. "...And scent of pine and the woodthrush singing through the fog. What images return? O my daughter." She had a welcoming look on her face. But she stood up and slowly smiled and said: "My name is Runo." and she looked him dead in the eye with those perfectly cut jade gems and she turned and walked away.

***********************************************************

[RUNO]

     As soon as the Winters family stomped in the door, Runo wished more than anything she could find some way to escape Foster Hell. She didn't know how but she was going to find some way. She wished more than anything she would have actually talked with Johnny today. She was wondering what these strange fluttering feelings in her heart were. How could she have feelings for a man? It was so un-Runo like. He knew T.S. Elliott and Dylan Thomas! Where could that go wrong? Then she would reconsider and then she would indulge again. He seemed perfect. She could only hope and pray that he was everything he seemed.

 

     "Runo?!" screamed Abigail from the laundry room "You got blood on my dress for the dance on Friday, you're such a f**k up!"She shoved the dress into Runo's face. "Well how did this happen?" Marie's scavenger eyes pierced on Runo's black long sleeve t-shirt. Runo wasn't going to let her find out about the razor. That just wans't going to happen. Marie's sinister voice jarred at Runo's stability and sweat was beading down her forehead. There was no way Marie and the rest of the Winters family could find out about her secret life with the razor. They just couldn't.

 

     "I accidentally pricked my finger on the needle while I was altering it." She said with a quiver in her voice. "It was an accident." They seemed to believe it but it wasn't good enough for Abigail. "I don't care if it was an accident. Now I have to go buy a new dress and the dance is this weekend! I hate you Runo. I f*****g hate you!"

 

     "Please leave me alone!" Runo cried and ran to the cedar closet with tears streaming down her face. Abigail ran after her. Runo's stomach cringed. She yelled with all the force she had. Abigail followed Runo to the cedar closet tormenting her. Runo could only take so much more.

 

     Runo was gasping for air, nearing a panic attack. "Abigail. Leave. Me. Alone." she said between breaths. She suddenly felt the vulnerability she felt in New York with Ralph and in Houston with Tyler. It was almost the exact same thing with Abigail at this moment in time. She was powerless yet again.

 

     Then she realized, she didn't have to take this s**t. She had a voice and her love affair with the razor was none of Abigail Winters' business. Men had physical power over her yes, but not Abigail who was 14 and probably 110 pounds. "I'm not showing you s**t, b***h." The words slid off of Runo's tongue and she couldn't believe that they did. She felt like a serpent.

 

     When Abigail threw herself on her and knocked her to the floor did she realize she had made a mistake. Fighting back was not something Runo was trained to do but she knew she could either lay there helpless like she had in the past or she could attempt to fight back. As she pondered what to do, it appeared she needed to think A LOT quicker.

 

     Abigail dug her perfectly manicured acrylic nails into Runo's cheek and Runo felt the skin rip. That is what lit the spark to the anger that had been buried inside of Runo all these years, all she had enchained from within suddenly boiled to the surface and Runo reached up and grabbed a handful of Abigail's blonde hair with all the force she had. "Stop it! You f*****g psycho! MOM!" Abigail was screaming like a maniac.

 

     The rage felt good as it surfaced. She had to get one more good hit in before Marie broke this up. She knew she would be getting a major punishment for this, she didn't even want to imagine what it would be. She reached up and slapped Abigail across the face and that is when she felt the stitches on her self inflicted wound pop open and the blood started to gush and that is when Abigail head-butted her and everything went black.........

***********************************************************

[JOHNNY]

 

     Her name was Runo. It was music to his ears. He actually felt some success. She had spoken to him! And she had smiled, and she knew "Marina" and that was amazing. He just knew the next day they would have a conversation. He didn't expect a lengthy one but he was hoping to find out more about her and the life she had lived. He wanted to know and learn as much as he could about this strange yet stunning girl.

    

     He sketched a picture of Runo with charcoal right before he went to bed. He left out no detail. It made him happy to have an image in his head of her smiling. Runo was the epitome of mystery. He didn't know how he could be feeling this, something he had never felt before. Yet how could he be in love with someone he had barely had a conversation with? Runo just kept him guessing over and over again and that was something he was thriving on.

 

     Johnny hated girls who wore short skirts and tight shirts and practically threw themselves at men. They left nothing to the imagination. It made him sick to his stomach. Runo was leaving him breathless and guessing for more. He didn't care if he was getting ahead of himself, he could feel the sparks the flickered between them as they quoted T.S. Elliot. He fell asleep dreaming of her face that he believed was truly flawless. Flawless in every way.

***********************************************************

[RUNO]

 

     She awoke in a hospital room. She could tell by the smell before she even opened her eyes. She hated hospital stink. She felt a throbbing pain on her face and on her arm. She reached up and felt the seeping wound on her face from Abigail's nails. At first she thought she had dreamed the whole thing up but the scratch reminded her. She glanced down at her arm and she saw it had been restitched. She didn't remember getting the stitches.

 

     Just then Pam came through the door. "Well, look what you've gotten yourself into now, Runo." she said with sadness. "What are you talking about?" Runo asked with panic. "You're going to be admitted to the psychiatric ward in this hospital." "What the Hell for? Don't I get to meet with someone about this?!" "It's pretty obvious, Runo. Look at your arm. And you will meet with a counselor but I don't think it will change their mind. Your arm has been hacked away like deli meat. You're a threat to yourself and others." Pam went on and on. Runo just tuned her out. She wanted to see Johnny again. That was all she cared about. He was the first person she had met that maybe had a fraction of a percentage of understanding.

 

     "How long do I have to be here?" she cried. "Well, that depends on you." sneered Pam. Now Johnny was going to forget her existence and worse, he was going to think he had done something wrong when really he had done everything right! He was the first person in years to break her out of her shell. She sighed. More disappointment, what's new?

 

     This hospital wasn't going to take away who she was. And the razor was part of who she was. She knew she could try and fight but her 18th birthday was only 4 months away, they couldn't keep her after that. "Can I get my stuff first?" Runo asked puzzled. "I've already done that." Pam said handing her several grocery bags of clothes and toiletries.  Where was her journal?! She had to continue to write Letters To Sisko while she was here. "You aren't going to be rewarded for this behavior, I'm sure they have spiral notebooks here" Runo sighed in disgust. Then she realized she wouldn't be able to see the crows either and that just wasn't right. Yet there was nothing she could do.                             

***********************************************************

[JOHNNY]

 

     Her name was Runo. It was music to his ears. He actually felt some success. She had spoken to him today. He just knew that the next day they would have an actual conversation. He didn't expect a lengthy one. He was just hoping to find out more about her and the life she had lived. He wanted to learn as much as possible about her. About this strange, yet stunning girl.

 

     The next day Johnny was nearly driven to tears. She never came to lunch. His anticipated conversation wasn't going to happen. All he could think was that this was all his fault. He never meant to cause her pain. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

 

     Johnny didn't have any other friends at Lexington High School, it was only his second week. Nobody seemed to fit him like a glove the way Runo did. He asked a few random kids if they knew where Runo lived but they all said she was a mystery to everyone around her. He did't care that people called her a freak. He knew that there were more pieces to the puzzle.

 

     He sulked two more days in a row and his heart sank to a depth he didn't even know existed. He felt a hollowness he didn't know if it could be filled up. She was the one person that he had always dreamed of but never found. She was the artist, the poet, the dreamer. And though he barely knew her, he felt as though he had known her a thousand years. Maybe even more.

 

     When he stepped aside from his emotions that this couldn't have been 100% his fault. There were too many other possibilities. But how could he find out? None of the kids at Lexington High knew anything about her. He wouldn't feel comfortable asking an authority figure for fear of him looking like a lunatic or a psychopath. So he decided he would wait as long as he had to. She had to come back, didn't she? She would have definitely told him if she was moving. He could only hope and pray. He knew then that Runo was the missing piece to his heart.

***********************************************************

[RUNO]

 

     This psych ward sucked. Runo had tried every way in the world to talk the counselor out of it but he kept reminding her that self-harm was a very dangerous and unhealthy behavior, and the fact that she was sewing herself back together was even more bizarre. He assured her it would only be about 2 weeks, depending on her behavior. He said they were going to put her on meds to balance her depression. They did give her a notebook so she could still write to Sisko, the one place where she found solace besides the razor.

 

     Dear Sisko,                                  March 20

     The Winters discovered my infatuation with the razor thanks to Abigail. I am now in a psychiatric ward and it is horrible. You know me, I don't complain too often. The food is alright, but I am grateful I get 3 meals a day. Right now they watch and monitor everything I do. They even stand outside the bathroom door while I shower! It is so degrading. I get strip-searched every 6 hours! They check on us every 15 minutes and shine a flashlight in our faces at night. This is my sixth day here and everyone is crazy. That is...except for Sylvia. You probably knew I'd be drawn to a girl with a poet's name. Ha-ha. She is the only one I can talk to. I have actually spoken in group therapy, and my individual therapy with Dr. Raleigh about the razor and about how abusive The Winters were. I don't think I will be going back to Brock and Marie's when I get out of here. I'm hoping I get to stay at Lexington because I'm a month and a half away from graduating and of course the gorgeous Johnny who can quote Dylan Thomas and T.S. Elliot. I think everyone has really listened to me. I haven't told anyone about Johnny, I don't see any point. It's not like we have a relationship. Oh yes, about Sylvia. She is so cool. She is only 13 but she tried to kill herself. She just moved here from somewhere down south. I never used the razor to kill myself. It was just always to release the pain. She's not really into art and poetry, she's more of a shopping, preppy girl but she liked Emo bands. We really don't have much in common except we are the only sane people in this f*****g place. Oh one more thing, I saw my last name on my case file, at the end of my session with Dr. Raleigh. I don't know why no one has ever told me, but it is Soikkeli. I am Runo Soikkeli! It has a nice ring to it. So yeah, Sisko. There is my update on life in the loony bin.

 

Rakastan sinua,

RUNO

 

     Runo and Sylvia were sitting on the couch after lunch and Sylvia begged Runo to teach her some Finnish terms. Sylvia was so intrigued that she was Finnish. "You'll think this is funny." Runo said, in disbelief that she was having fun with someone. She hadn't had a friend in ages. "Missa sina asut? that means Where do you live." Runo said laughing. "And how do I respond?" "Sairaalassa" Runo said grinning from ear to ear. "What does that mean?" Sylvia said looking like she was about to crack up. "In a hospital!" Runo said cracking up laughing. "Olen suomalainen. I am Finnish." Runo said proudly.

 

     "You are so cool!" Sylvia said happily. "How did you teach yourself this complex language?" "I'm not fluent, I've just done some research that's all." "You're seriously one of the coolest people I've ever met. I can't believe I met my best friend in a psych ward!" Sylvia was so hyper she was almost screaming and the staff told them to please quiet down.

 

     Sylvia was very pretty. She had blue eyes and she was short and tiny like Runo. Sylvia had short blonde hair with black streaks in it and it was cut very pixie-like. Runo had forgotten what having a friend was like, she didn't care if she was 4 years younger than her. They were having a blast. Runo actually enjoyed group. She shared things about the razor. She really didn't know that many young people struggled with it. She didn't share anything about foster care (such as Ralph and Tyler.) One time in individual therapy Dr. Raleigh brought it up and she shut down and refused to talk about it. "You're going to have to face your demons eventually, Runo. If you want to get well." Dr. Raleigh said stiffly. "It doesn't matter what I feel about it. It's not important. What is important is that Tyler and Ralph are in jail now and they can't hurt anyone else." Dr. Raleigh wrote something down and said: "Well there is a lot of truth to that."

 

     Runo wasn't exaggerating when she said everyone was crazy except her and Sylvia. Some people were schizophrenic, some had tried to kill their parents, some were sociopaths meaning they had no conscious, and one guy even claimed to be Jesus Christ, himself. Some people saw things and heard voices and would scream for no reason. It wasn't pretty. Runo did her best to stay away from all the calamity and just hang with Sylvia. But Runo did really trust Dr. Raleigh. She was hoping he would place her in a most better foster home, with the help of Pam.

 

     In group one day a girl named Lynn was talking about her fear of abandonment. They were talking about her having Borderline Personality Disorder. Runo wondered if she had it because of the abandonment issues that she had because of her parents.

 

     She sometimes wondered what the logic was behind her parents' disappearance and why they never stayed in contact. But now that she had the last name Soikkeli, she figured that she could dig up some more information. But she was in no hurry. She had never been in a good foster home, but she hoped and prayed she would get another chance.

 

     For some reason she was noticing that she had become much more positive than she had been in the past. She believed it was only fair and righteous that she get transferred to a good home for the last 4 months until graduation. Somehow therapy was helping her and somehow being in this place was helping her too.

 

     Another week passed and Runo was starting to wonder what was going to happen next. She had complied with all the rules, she took a Wellbuterin XL every morning that was supposed to help with her depression. At first she had refused because she thought it would make her less creative. They practically forced the pill down her throat. After a few days she started to feel happier than she ever remembered, except in her dreams with her parents. But those were just illusions right? There was no way that she could cognitively remember that far back.

 

     She couldn't ay she was 100% healed but she simply felt more at peace. And Sylvia had really helped her out. Runo knew that the isolation she did had contributed severely to her misery and ultimately to the razor. Having Sylvia to laugh and talk with made the time a million times easier. They had never really talked about their families, Runo figured that Sylvia knew it was too painful for Runo because she had admitted that she was in foster care in group one day. Runo was still afraid of confronting some of her demons, not all of them, but some.

 

Dear Sisko,  March 27

     Today is my 13th day here. I'm in shock because I'm sitting here asking myself if I am wrong for wishing I could stay in a psychiatric ward rather than live in a foster home? I have an actual bedroom rather than a cedar closet. I am fed 3 meals a day. And I have Sylvia and she has been great. Dr. Raleigh said I will be discharging soon but he hasn't given me any details. I'm almost too afraid to ask. I really don't know if I want to leave. I am fine staying here until July. But whatever. I think about Johnny every night and wonder what could have prevailed from our 'relationship'. Here is a poem I wrote last night:

 

*Aquatic Veins*

 

Pacing these floors

Gazing at white walls of desolation

Here I dwell

Thinking of you

And all the glory

We might could have obtained

By this very moment

The canvas we could have painted

Sparked by pure passion

Churning deep within

Our aquatic veins of life

Wishing I could speak to you

Wishing I could see you again

Yet my destiny

Remains as uncertain

As an abyss

And our future

Has been punctured

And we may never know

The truth in this divinity

 

     Why am I feeling so compelled to this guy? He could be a complete creep. But somehow the little faith I have left in humanity is telling me I won't be let down. But I haven't spoken to anyone here about Johnny, not even Sylvia. Only you, my Sisko.

 

Rakastan sinua,

RUNO

 

     Tonight was visitor's night, nothing for Runo to be excited for. She didn't have anyone coming to see her. All the same, she was excited for Sylvia who was expecting her father and brother. Friends and family members of all the patients started filing into the ward. "Oh! There's my daddy! And my big bro!" Exclaimed Sylvia. Runo turned around and almost dropped dead where she stood.

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[JOHNNY]

 

     What the Hell was going on? There she was! After two miserable weeks, It was Runo in the flesh and blood. How did this happen? It was awkward silence for a moment. He realized he needed to say something before someone got offended. "Hey sis! You look great. It's so good to see you." He moved in and hugged his little sister. Then he had to ask her. "Um, how do you know Runo?" Runo's face was ashen. "Wait, how do you know her?" Sylvia asked completely confused.

 

     "We met at school a couple of times." Runo said before Johnny could say anything. Her face had brightened up a bit. She looked even better than he remembered. He knew he needed to focus on his sister but Runo was so intriguing. There was so much he wanted to know. He felt like she was the reason she was in this hospital.Focus on Sylvia he kept telling himself. But he couldn't with Runo standing there in her distressed jeans with holes in them and her white shirt with an image of two ravens on it.

 

     He kept looking her up and down. She didn't look as emaciated as before, she was still tiny, but she had put on a tiny bit of much needed weight. She looked unhealthy the last time he had seen her. She had color in her face and her green eyes were glowing. She looked even more like an angel than ever before.

 

     Runo turned and said a quick: "Nice to meet you guys, Sylvia is a great girl." and she walked over to the couch. Sylvia and her father were busy talking and he knew that he was here for his sister but what would a small chat with Runo hurt? "I'll be right back sis."

 

     He slowly walked over to the couch. "Runo can we talk for a minute?" She nodded and they walked over to a corner. He noticed she was trembling a bit and he wondered what she was so afraid of. He turned and looked down at her. She was probably a foot shorter than him. She timidly looked up at him with those emerald eyes and said: "Johnny, you should probably go back and be with your sister." "She's fine. I just have to know one thing." he said calmly. "And what is that?" "I just want to know..." he began "if I am the reason you are in here." She jumped at the though. "Absolutely not!" she almost accidentally screamed but quickly toned the pitch down before anyone looked.

 

     "Johnny, you're the furthest thing from the reason." she whispered. That relieved him. He still wanted to know what the reason was. "May I ask what it was?" he asked her eagerly. "I...I can't tell you yet. There's too much." a tear welled up in her eye. He had to accept it but he couldn't help but add one more thing. "You can trust me."

 

     Suddenly Johnny wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms, but he knew he couldn't because of where they were and he didn't want to scare her away. He glanced down at her arm and he saw dozens of pink jagged scars from her wrist all the way up. And there was even one with stitches in it. She must have felt his eyes penetrating her scars because she covered her arm with her hand. "I can explain..." she said about to burst into tears.

 

     Johnny thought she was embarrassed for no reason. He wasn't going to judge her. "You don't need to." he whispered to her softly. "You are just fine the way you are." He winked at her and walked away to go be with his little sister. He wanted more than anything to take Runo out of this place with him and show her the life she had always deserved.

 

     "So who is this Runo?" Michael, Johnny and Sylvia's dad, asked his son on the drive back from the hospital. "Sylvia wouldn't tell me anything about her except how cool she is and how she speaks Finnish and how it's her best friend ever." Runo. Runo. Runo. The name brought warmth to Johnny. He was glad Sylvia didn't disclose any of Runo's personal information. "I don't know that much. But...I think...it's almost like I'm in love with her, Dad" He couldn't believe those words had just come from his mouth. He knew it was true though. He'd never felt like this about a girl before. Not that he'd had many girlfriends, but he knew this feeling were foreign and that he had never experienced them.

 

     Michael laughed. "What?" Johnny asked defensively. "Oh to be 18 again..." he said with a chuckle "Listen up, Romeo. I have visited with Sylvia's therapist tonight and they have decided that it is in her best interest to go to a Residential Treatment Center in Idaho." Johnny was in shock. "What? What kind of bullshit is that?" Johnny didn't want Sylvia to go away into a program. She was his best friend. They did everything together.

 

     "Johnny listen, she tried to take her life and she is only 13 years old. She really does need help, son." "She seemed just fine tonight with Runo, saying she was her big sister and all that." "But she's not in reality, son. And besides, the doctors are thinking she is bipolar because of her swings from high to low." Johnny did consider that.

 

     "Does she know any of this?" Johnny inquired. "Not a thing. I think they are going to tell her tomorrow. Don't worry she will be in good hands. And we will be able to visit her.

 

     Johnny thought about his sister long and hard. He was 5 when she was born. The more he thought the more the bipolar signs were there. He remembered how hyper she would get and then within hours she would be crying hysterically and couldn't figure out why.

 

     He remembered 2 weeks ago, at 3:00 AM when he found her sprawled out on the bathroom floor with several bottles of pills all over the place and a bottle of Vodka. He had no idea what low life would give a 13 year old a bottle of vodka. Sylvia lay there, still and lifeless. He ran and woke up his father. "Johnny, what the hell?" he asked. "Dad, Sylvia tried to kill herself." They called an ambulance and they took her into the ER and pumped her stomach. Johnny and Michael were so relieved when they heard the news that she was going to be okay.

 

     Johnny and Michael went back to the hospital room and Sylvia was bawling. "I'm so sorry guys." she said between breaths. "You're sorry? Do you realize what you just almost did?" Michael asked with rage. "I'm sorry." she was bawling now. Johnny took his sister's hand. "I love you too damn much to lose you now." Michael wasn't saying anything. He was trying to hold back his tears.

 

     A doctor and a psychiatrist came in and shut the door and told them that Sylvia was going to be admitted to the psychiatric ward because of her attempted suicide. Johnny shuddered just remembering everything. Snapping back to the present moment he realized then that Residential Treatment may be Sylvia's only option left.

***********************************************************[RUNO]

     After all the guests left Sylvia was gushing on and on about how perfect Runo and Johnny would be together. "Why didn't you tell me about him?" Sylvia asked "How did we miss this?" she crooned. Runo smiled slightly. "Well, I just didn't see any point. It didn't seem that important. I still don't know him that well. But jeez, isn't this a small world?" They both laughed.

 

     It brought joy to Runo's heart to see Sylvia so happy considering that she had tried to kill herself two weeks ago. She hoped to remain friends with her for life. And then she thought about Johnny and the way he made her feel. She wanted so badly to have a deep conversation with him. She suddenly knew she could confide in him after he saw her right arm and didn't run in terror. He didn't judge her for who she was and where she had been.

 

     It was 10:00, time for night meds and everyone to go to bed. First thing tomorrow morning she was going to ask Dr. Raleigh what her next step in life was.

 

     Sylvia had the first appointment with Dr. Raleigh that morning. The staff wrote all of the patients therapy times on the dry erase board every morning. Runo had the second one, right after Sylvia's. They were both full hour appointments which was odd, they were usually just 30 minutes. "Oh my God, we're discharging on the same day Runo!"Sylvia whispered quietly.

 

     Sylvia went into her appointment and Runo could hear her crying. She could barely make out the words, but she did hear: "I would rather f*****g die!" come from Sylvia's mouth. She ran out of the office and was kicking and screaming and crying. The staff had to go restrain her. Runo had never seen Sylvia act this way. She didn't want to watch it. She was glad when Dr. Raleigh called her in to his office.

 

     She took a seat on the leather couch and smiled at her doctor. "Well Runo, it's been a pleasure working with you. We feel it's time to discharge you because you have made tremendous progress." Runo beamed. Then she had a thought that worried her. "I'm not going back to the Winters am I?" she was panicking. "Of course not. I would like you to know that Brock and Marie are facing charges for child abuse and neglect for what they have done to you the last several years. I cannot believe you lived like that for so long, Runo." "What about Abigail and Natasha? Where are they living?" "With Marie's parents."

 

     Now there was just one more stone left unturned. "Dr. Raleigh? Where am I going from here?" "As you requested, Pam and I have kept you in this area so you can stay at Lexington High. We found a couple who are very young, in their early 30's and the woman cannot have children. They originally wanted a younger child, but when Pam told them about your violent history they were more than happy to take you in. Pam told them you only needed a place to stay until July 17. And then it will be up to you where you go and what you do."

 

     Runo was so elated. Finally things were looking up after 14 years. Things seemed more hopeful than ever. She just prayed that this couple, The Wellingtons, were not abusive. It would kill her if another incident happened. She didn't think that she could take much more. "Go get your stuff, Pam is on her way. It's been a pleasure working with you Runo, and I wish you the very best." Dr. Raleigh said shaking her hand.

 

     Her first priority was to find Sylvia. She asked one of the other patients where she was and he said: "You're too late." "What are you talking about?" Runo froze. "She was discharged today and they are taking her to the airport to go to Idaho to admit her to a residential treatment center. She fought them all the way to the van. She wanted to say goodbye to you."

 

     Suddenly there was a jab in Runo's heart and a lump in her throat. She was about to burst into tears. She swallowed hard. "Are you sure she's gone?" "Yeah, the staff who carried her out just walked back in." Sylvia was gone. The best friend she had ever had, and the quickest friend she had ever made (2 weeks) was on her way to Idaho to a treatment center. Who knew how long she would be there.

 

     Suddenly Runo felt the urge to use the razor to numb away all the pain she suddenly felt inside her, swelling like a bruise. She marched into her bedroom and dug around the room for something sharp. Then she reminded herself how her life was turning around and she dug deep within her spirt to find the will not to resort to the razor. She decided to start packing her clothes, and wait for Pam to arrive and take her to the Wellington's.

 

     "Runo, you look wonderful." Pam said as Runo confidently walked out of the hospital doors. Pam wasn't the enemy Runo realized. They drove in silence for a few minutes. "Pam?" Runo asked quietly. "Are you pretty confident that these people won't mistreat me?" Pam looked startled by the question. They had never really had a deep conversation before.

 

     "Runo, I never placed you in a home where I consciously knew the people would mistreat you. I had no idea about any of it. The Winters had 2 daughters, and you stayed there for several years without saying a word. Just like you did at the other homes. You never said a word. All along, you should have expressed your concerns. I would never want to intentionally cause harm to you, by any means." That was the most heartfelt thing Runo had ever heard pam say.

 

     Before too long they arrived at the Wellington's home. It was only 3 blocks away from Lexington High and Runo knew she could walk to school. She sighed and took a deep breath. The house was Victorian. It looked like the Victorian home on the card in the Game of Life board game. It was of violet hue and looked like something Runo only saw in her dreams as a place to live. "Pam are you sure this is ok? This place is very nice." she whispered as she got her suitcases out of the back. Pam had gone to get all the rest of her belongings from the Winters place before she picked her up at the hospital. "You deserve this Runo, you've been through Hell and back." Pam stated, patting Runo on the back.

 

     They walked up the steps to the new home and the couple opened the doors with big smiles on their faces. They were very young. "Hi I'm Gavin Wellington." He seemed normal enough. He didn't seem like a pedophile. She hoped her first instinct wouldn't fail her now." Runo shook his hand. "I'm Runo" she said trying her best to appear confident. "And I'm Cynthia. Welcome to our home!" this was so different than anywhere she had ever been. Brock and Marie always looked so grim. "So you are from Finland?" Cynthia asked with a brilliant smile on her face. "Joo." she said. They all looked at her. "It's Finnish for yes." Everyone laughed. She really felt comfortably around these people.

 

     She knew Pam had told them most of her history, but she didn't feel judged by these people. Runo forced herself outside of the other people's terror and was telling herself to try and trust these people. For now, she believed she had nothing to fear by Gavin and Cynthia Wellington.

 

     This place was nicer than any foster home, let alone any home Runo had ever seen in general. Runo was afraid to touch anything. Pam asked Runo to go put her stuff away while they talked for a minute. Runo hated being deviant but she stayed and eavesdropped for a minute on the conversation. "She's had a terrible time. All she needs is a little TLC and a place to stay until she is 18. Then she will be on her way." "We can't just kick her out in July..." Gavin said with concern. "No, it will be up to you and her what happens then. The best thing to do with someone like Runo is just take it a day at a time." Runo didn't find that offensive. She went to the bedroom Cynthia told her was hers. She couldn't believe she had a big spacious room all to herself.

 

     After Pam left and Runo got settled in, Cynthia made Spaghetti and salad. A home cooked meal! "So is Runo Finnish for anything?" Gavin asked taking a second helping of the spaghetti. "Yes. It means Poem." Runo said happily. She had only been here 4 hours and it felt like a family was supposed to feel. "And you write poetry, right?" Cynthia inquired. "Yes. I try to write every single day. It is my passion." "Wow. That must be cool to be named after something you treasure like that." "It definitely is." Runo really liked these people. She took a deep breath and said: "Thank you guys for taking me in. It really is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders."

***********************************************************

(JOHNNY)

     Johnny was so flustered. Sylvia had just arrived in Idaho a few days ago and she had just called and let out all of her rage on their father. She was allowed one phone call when she arrived and she got the phone taken away from her before she got a chance to say hi to him on the phone.

 

     Johnny and Michael sat in the living room of their 3 bedroom apartment. "This just isn't right, dad." Johnny said stiffly. "Son, they are going to keep her much safer than we can here. There's no way she will be able to get her hands on pills or alcohol over there. You have to keep telling yourself that." Johnny tried to reassure himself but it was hard, since he had watch Sylvia grow up since he was 5. This was just too painful for him. And on the other hand, Runo still hadn't come back to school. The last time he had seen her was March 27, and now it was April 2. He was starting to wonder if he was ever going to see her again. The pain of not having both of them. The pain suddenly encompassed his soul.

 

     "Dad, I'm going to get ready for bed." "Are you alright, son?" "Yes, just tired." He had to write a poem to let all of this out

 

"Lush

 

Will I ever see her again

She vanished

Like a sigh

Into cimmerian dust and ash

Her pain is something

I cannot fathom

She has penetrated me

With her glowing lush eyes

My heart waits and it beckons

For one more moment with her

My soul yearns to take away the sorrow

I dream of her face

I long to close those wounds

For she has emendated my loneliness

And she has stunned

My bleak winter life

With nothing but a smile"

 

     He closed his eyes and thought of that smile. He felt like 2 very important pieces of his heart were missing. He told himself to calm down and that everything would be back to normal one day...well possibly.

 

     He was growing weary of school. He really didn't care about graduating. He hadn't felt depression like this in a very long time, not since his parents divorced. As soon as he pulled into the parking lot he nearly had a heart attck when he thought he saw Runo across the way sitting in the courtyard alone. He knew this was stupid, but he felt himself running to her. Their eyes met and she smiled that dazzling smile that could light up the most stark day.

 

     "You're back!" he exclaimed. "Live and in person" she said and she smiled up at him. "May I sit down?" he asked not wanting to be so forceful. "Yeah sure." she said scribbling something in her notebook. He made sure not to sit too close, even though it was hard for him. She suddenly looked sullen. "I didn't get a chance to tell Sylvia goodbye. It's been haunting me steadfast. "How is she?"

    

     Johnny told her everything he knew about her situation and the hysterical phone call. "She's very special." Runo said confidently. Johnny knew he might be going in forbidden territory but he decided to give it a shot. "She is. And you are too." She stiffened a bit. He took a deep breath and he took her hand. She didn't resist.

 

     Her skin was so soft and delicate. They sat in silence hand in hand for a moment. He wanted to slide over closer but he decided to quote E.E. Cummings. He was hoping, but he was certain that she would know who E.E. Cummings was. "My blood approves and kisses are a far better fate than wisdom. Lady, I swear by all flowers. Don't cry-the best gesture of my brain is less than your eyelids' flutter..." He stopped, closing his eyes hoping she would finish the poem rather than walk away.

 

     She gripped his hand tighter and her voice flowed like a river. "...Which says we are for each other." He was awestruck. First of all, she knew yet another of his beloved poems. And second, she was agreeing- they were for each other. "Will you come with me tonight?" "Come where?" Their hands had still not let go of one another.

 

     "Just somewhere you and I can sit and talk. Away from all these distractions." She paused. He wanted to kick himself. Damn it, Johnny... he thought to himself. He abruptly let go of her hand thinking he had pushed her over the edge. "I am so sorry." he apologized sympathetically. "No, Johnny, it's not you. I moved into this new place. I'm not sure what their rules are." There was still so much unanswered about Runo. Where were her parents?

 

     She must have read his mind. She quickly said: "I've been in foster care since I was 3. I just moved to a new place in the last week. I don't know anything about my parents." she said slowly. "From what I know my parents are still in Finland." Johnny was shocked. He couldn't imagine going his whole life and not knowing his parents and living with strangers. "Alright, then I'll come over and meet your foster parents and we'll go for coffee and discuss poetry and other things." He was willing to do anything to get time with this girl. "Sounds like a plan" she said happily, and he couldn't stop smiling as he walked to his morning class.

***********************************************************

[SYLVIA]

     How could they lie to her? Poor Sylvia had been told all along that she would be going back home with Johnny and their father. And the b******s didn't even let her say goodbye to Runo. She didn't care about anyone or anything in this gay treatment center in Boise, Idaho. It was in the middle of nowhere, called New Foundations.

 

     It was so pointless that she was here, she thought to herself quietly. There was nothing wrong with her. Her moods swung from high to low but didn't that happen to everyone? It didn't mean she was bipolar. She was not crazy compared to some of the people she had met on this journey so far. In the psych ward Runo was the only sane one.

 

     Yes, Runo had cutting issues but she wasn't part of the crazy clan. The crazies were the ones who thought they were Jesus or heard voices. Sylvia believed her and Runo were the sane ones in the damn place.

 

     She remembered the day she was discharged how Runo was nowhere to be found. She fought them all the way to the van to get one last hug from Runo but they were too strong for her tiny frame.

 

     Runo was so cool, not just because she was beautiful  or because she was Finnish but she had an amazing heart of gold. And what a small world it was that her and Johnny had already met and seemed to have some sort of attraction to her. But totally, Johnny was Sylvia's hero. She had always looked up to Johnny her entire life.

 

     Johnny had never really been serious with a girl before but if there was anyone Sylvia would want in her brother's life it would be none other than Runo. They seemed truly perfect for each other. Runo and Johnny both had the soul of a poet, they both loved to write and they were both passionate about what they loved.

 

     Sylvia had only made 2 friends in the few weeks since they had moved from San Antonio, Holly and Pandora but they weren't anything that important like Runo. She'd never gotten so close with anyone before as she had with Runo. Sylvia had never had a boyfriend she just snuck out at night to hang out with a guy named Ryan who was 19. Sylvia was only 13. She knew it was wrong to drink and have sex with an adult when you're only 13 but she didn't care.

 

     Sylvia did not plan on talking about any of these things about Ryan in treatment or with her father and Johnny. These people here at New Foundations Residential Treatment Center didn't need to know any of that. All that she planned on talking about were her so called "bipolar disorder" and her suicide attempt. She had downed a concoction of Tylenol PM and Klonopin and vodka.

 

     She had been taking the Klonopin to help her sleep, Ryan had given it to her. And she had asked for the vodka like 2 weeks later. Ryan didn't know she was planning on killing herself. But she refused to reveal anything about Ryan to Johnny and their father. And she would refuse here at New Foundations RTC as well. She didn't want to get him in trouble. He could face jail time for all this if it got out.

 

     At the hospital when they asked where she had gotten the alcohol and pills she said from a guy she couldn't remember and had only met once. She lied and said she was drunk when she met him and she didn't know his name or where he lived.

 

     Suddenly she snapped out of her daze when she was called to the dinner table. This program sucked. You had to ask to go anywhere and everywhere. Yes-EVERYWHERE. Upstairs downstairs, in and out of rooms, to the bathroom, etc. They were trying to take away her self-core. They even made her do a complete strip search on her first day.

 

     She had sort of made friends with a girl named Nevaeh and a girl named Alexis. They were both around her age. Navaeh's name was Heaven spelled backward. She was from Arizona and had an eating disorder. Alexis, like Runo, had cutting problems. She was from California. Neither of them could ever be as cool as Runo.

 

     Sylvia sat at the dinner table solemnly stirring the food around on her plate about ready to cry as she thought of how much she missed her family and Runo. What had she done to deserve to be in a place like this? She missed Texas, she missed her life so bad. She had gotten to have a call with her father but they took the phone away before she got to talk to Johnny because she was screaming at her father that she didn't need to be here. The staff violently ripped the phone from her. What was the purpose of her being here? She truly felt like all hope was gone and she had nowhere else to turn. She was in for the long hall.

***********************************************************

[RUNO]

     The day dragged on and on. The flickers of sparks were flying between her and Johnny all day long. At lunch they talked a bit about his life and his mother who was an addict, and how Sylvia might be bipolar. He didn't try to fish into her life and that made her happy, she wasn't ready for him to know everything yet.

 

     As Runo was getting ready Cynthia asked her: "Is this your first boyfriend?" "Uh, yeah. I mean, he's not really my boyfriend..." Runo said softly. "Yet!" Cynthia said smiling and winking at Runo.

 

     Runo had never been on a date before, if she could call it that. She didn't know what to wear. She had never worn makeup before in her life but she figured if she had gone this long without it around him, he obviously didn't have a problem with the natural look. He liked her just as she was, and that was a goof thing.

 

     Dear Sisko,                              April 4

     You won't believe this. I am so sorry I have not written in several days. Tonight I am going on a date with Johnny. He will be here in an hour. I think we are going for coffee. I am so nervous. I don't know how much to tell him. I don't want to get too close too fast but I feel myself going that direction. I know I'm letting my guard down by letting someone in but Sisko, if you saw him you would be bedazzled as well. He is perfect in every way. He held my hand today and I've never done that with a guy before. It felt so perfect. I'm just a little scared if this goes further, and I do hope it does, but how will I handle intimacy? Oh God, he probably doesn't even think like that. Who am I kidding? I need to just stay in the moment and take this one day at a time. But I trust him, Sisko. I know that's dangerous, but it's a chance I am willing to take. Something tells me he is safe...I will let you know how tonight goes.

 

Rakastan sinua,

RUNO*

 

 

     Sooner than she expected Johnny was at the door. "Hey." she said as she opened the front door. There he stood in black jeans and a black Affliction polo. (Affliction was Johnny's favorite brand of clothes. They sell it at Buckle) He had his dark hair out of the ponytail and it fell straight like a board well past his shoulders. She was frozen for a moment. How could someone be so beautiful, and how could they take an interest in her?

 

     Cynthia came up and said: "Oh hi Johnny, I'm Cynthia Wellington. Runo has told us so much about you!" she gushed on and on. Runo was a little bit embarrassed because she didn't want him to know she had talked about him. But Johnny didn't seem aggravated. He seemed more than pleased.

 

     They talked for a few minutes with Gavin and then they let her go. Runo couldn't believe how lenient they were with her. She had never been in a foster home like this. It was so freeing. For the first time in her life she felt like a normal teenager.

 

     They got in Johnny's black Acura, and he said: "You certainly do look beautiful." as he lit a cigarette. "You don't mind if I smoke do you?" he asked with those beautiful eyes. "No, not at all." she agreed, secretly wanting to try one herself. She knew it was terrible for you, but for some reason she thought Johnny looked so sexy smoking.

 

     "Where to?" he asked her happily. "Wherever you want to go." she said cluelessly. She had never been on a date she had no idea what you were supposed to do. "Do you like Starbucks?" her face flushed. "Don't laugh, ok? I've never been before. They never took us for coffee in the foster homes." Johnny looked shocked, she could tell he was trying not to show it. "Well, then we will go. First time for everything." he said making a turn.

 

     "What do you get there?" she asked meekly, she didn't have a clue about anything having to deal with fancy coffee. "Everything is pretty good, my personal favorite is a soy chai tea latte on ice, since it's not cold outside." "That's a drink?" she exclaimed completely oblivious to any of these lingoes.

 

     Suddenly she remembered the important factor that she didn't have any money.She couldn't expect him to pay for it. "Johnny, I don't have any money." she said embarrassed. "You don't worry about a thing." Johnny said reassuringly, "I've got you covered." She started to protest but he slid his hand into hers and she accepted it.

 

     She loved Starbucks Soy Chai Tea Latte on Ice. She'd never tasted something so good. He had good taste. "I figured since we like the same poems, we would like the same drinks." she said laughing.

 

     "When I saw you reading "Fern Hill" by yourself that day, I couldn't help but talk to you." He smiled at her."I think it's cool too to have someone to quote poetry with. But I do have a question." Runo said taking a sip of her drink. "Hit me."

 

     "Do you write your own poems?" she asked hoping that he did. "Every night. Poetry is life." he said taking a drag off his cigarette. "Actually Runo, I've written several about you." He took her hand again. She loved the butterflies in her stomach when he held her hand.

 

     At that moment in time there was so much she wanted to say but couldn't find the words. "I feel infinite!" she said loudly, and some people turned around and she didn't care. "You've read The Perks of Being A Wallflower too?" he said looking like his smile was about to make him burst. "Only about a dozen times. It's one of my favorite books of all time." "Me too..." Johnny whispered in a perplexed state. "And I write poems myself, and obviously, I've written some for you too. Next time we'll have to share some of our stuff with each other." Runo was so delighted.

 

     "We've been here for 4 hours!" Johnny noticed looking at his cell phone. "It seems like we just sat down!" Runo said in shock. They had talked about little things, poetry, music, art work. Light stuff. He hadn't tried to expose her haunting past, he didn't even ask why she was in foster care. She learned about Johnny's mother back in San Antonio who was crazy and they moved away from San Antonio because Sylvia couldn't take it anymore and frankly, neither could he and his father.

 

     Johnny talked about the first time he ever heard a poem. He was in sixth grade English class, and his teacher dimmed down the lights and read: "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe. Everyone in the class was groaning and didn't want to hear the poem. But as soon as Johnny heard the first lines: "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary" He was hooked! He must have talked for 30 minutes about how he sat there stunned. The rest of the class was laughing and he was at a loss for words. " And that..." said Johnny "was when I decided I wanted to write and read poetry." he said with a sparkle. "How about you Runo?"

 

     She took a deep breath. She didn't think he would believe her but she had a remarkably similar story. She too, was in sixth grade English class. "You might think I'm bullshitting you. It's really similar to yours." "Tell me." "I was in sixth grade English myself. And my teacher read a sonnet by Shakespeare." "Oh, I love Shakespeare." Johnny said passionately. "Which one?" Runo knew the sonnet by heart still to this day so she quoted part of it, "It's the one that says,'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease hath all too short a date'" "You're so beautiful." Johnny said. Her face turned red but she was loving these feelings. And then she realized something, something important. "I guess we have 2 people to thank for bringing us together. Edgar Allan Poe and William Shakespeare for bringing us together." "We certainly do." Johnny said with a sparkling smile.

 

      Their hands were interlaced the whole time. Runo asked Johnny: "What time is it?" "Almost 11." Johnny said yawning. "Oh s**t! I hope Gavin and Cynthia don't get mad at me." "How can they? You're 3 months away from being 18 years old." Runo knew this but they were her guardians, and they had been very good to her so far. She wished she had a cell phone so she could call them. She just didn't want them to worry.

 

     "We better get going." she said with a yawn. "Alright, if we must." Johnny said. They got in the Acura, and Runo had to stop him. There was a question that had to be asked. "Johnny, wait!" she said with more force than she meant to. "What's wrong?" This was it. She had to do it now...

***********************************************************[JOHNNY]

     "Do you like me Johnny? Like more than a poetry crazed friend?" He knew the answer right off the bat but what if the answer offended her. He looked at her delicate face, the last thing he wanted to do was lie to her. "No, Runo...actually it's more like, I've fallen in love with you. 'Did my heart love till now? Forswear it sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.'" he smiled as he quoted Romeo and Juliet.

 

     She looked down at the floorboard and then out the window. He felt so bad. "Runo, I'm sorry I shouldn't have..." and she abruptly sat up and said: "No, no... Johnny, I've fallen in love with you too." She had tears glistening in those evergreen eyes. He couldn't take it anymore, he wanted to kiss those perfect pale lips so bad. He was practically salivating. He used all the control and all the true love in his body that he had for Runo to restrain himself from moving in and kissing her. He didn't want to scare her away, not when they had come this far.

 

     He looked up at her, and at her tiny hand enclasped in his and quote from E.E. Cummings popped into his mind and he told her it: "I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens. Only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses, nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands." And he gave her hand a tight squeeze. "E.E. Cummings..." she whispered. And a tear trickled down her cheek.

 

     Johnny had to make sure to keep the tears that were about to fall from his eyes in check. He never cried. But Runo was so breathtaking. They had been sitting in the parking lot of Starbucks for almost an hour. He glanced at his cell phone and said: "Hey, we better get going. I hate to have to give you up but doesn't Cinderella have to be home by midnight?" She laughed and then realized what time it was. "It's midnight?!" She was so cute when she was worried like that. "Quarter till. At least tomorrow is Saturday, Runo. There's not much they can get mad for."

 

     As they pulled up to the Victorian house, Johnny restrained himself from asking for a good night kiss. The evening had gone too perfectly. Cynthia and Gavin came outside, suddenly Johnny felt terrible. But they didn't look mad and that was a good sign. "Runo, why didn't you call?" Gavin asked in stern mannerism. "We were so worried. I know you're almost an adult and that we haven't known each other very long but you are our responsibility." Cynthia chimed in. "I know I am so sorry, we were just at Starbucks and we got to talking. We just have so much in common. I didn't call because I don't have a cell phone." Runo looked blank.

 

     "Oh, Runo." Cynthia said laughing. "We will fix that tomorrow! Now you two love birds say goodnight. We're going to bed. Runo, don't forget to lock the front door." Johnny was so glad the Wellingtons were treating Runo like the normal girl she was. "Rakastan sinua" Runo said quietly. Johnny had no idea what she was talking about. He looked at her in a puzzled way. "It means 'I love you' in Finnish" she said walking toward the steps, she looked back at him. "I love you too my sweet Runo." And she said: "Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow." from Romeo and Juliet. She was walking backward up the stairs and she tripped up the stairs. After he made sure she was okay they started laughing. Precious. She was absolutely precious.

 

     The evening had been a huge success. It was past 4:00 AM and Johnny couldn't sleep because he was longing for Runo to be in his arms. She really loved him. And he honest to God loved her with everything he had. And that was a symphony to his ears.

 

     She was quirky, and different but he loved that. He was still eager to learn more about her story, but he committed to himself that he would wait until she would be ready to tell him. He wasn't going to pry. But he knew that Runo had some kind of true pain suffocating beneath her skin, which might have been why she cut herself. But he knew letting her open up would be the right thing to do.

 

     He was still wide-awake so he decided to write a poem about the evening.

 

"*Success*

 

So pure and decadent

You, sitting there

Across the way

My hand tightened

Around yours

As you responded

To my 3 words of eternity

With nothing except

Pure devotion from your soul

I stared with longing

To take you into my arms

And to kiss those pure lips

Love: such sheer bliss

As my heart awaits

What is to happen next

I would die before

You felt another ounce of pain

I'm still unlocking secrets

Still piecing together

This puzzle which will

Create the masterpiece

Known as Runo

Her voice is a harp

Strung by angels

Her eyes are emeralds

Cut fresh by a jeweler

And her smile

Melts the shackles

From my wrists and ankles

She outshines

The combination of

Moon, sun and stars

And she has lifted me

From the banks of ebony sorrow"

 

     He smiled as he thought of Runo tripping up the stairs while she was quoting Romeo and Juliet. His walled off heart was finally encompassed by this free spirit.

 

     He lay there still wishing he could have Runo in his arms, and breathe in her scent. He was so happy that she was in a good home with the Wellingtons and they weren't going to try to prevent them from seeing each other. He wondered what kind of homes she was in if the had never been to a Starbucks.

 

     He sighed a long sigh and turned off the lamp by his bed and drifted off to sleep into a world filled with nothing but Runo. Nothing but pure beauty at it's finest.

***********************************************************

[SYLVIA]

     If Sylvia had been suicidal before, now she was suicidal times 1,000. This place sucked. The worst part was how strict everything was. On Level 1 she couldn't do anything at all. She had no privileges at all. The only cool people were Nevaeh and Alexis but they were no Runo. There were 5 Levels in the program. Each level had different principles to learn and level work to do. The girls were always on a strict schedule.

 

     This was so much worse than the psych ward. Here you always had to be watched. In the psych ward Runo and her just sat on the couch joking around all day. At New Foundation there was rarely room for fun. Sylvia sat on the couch gazing out the window at the middle of nowhere, Idaho and was wondering if Ryan would forget about her. She wondered how Runo and Johnny were and if they had gotten together or not. Ryan wasn't her boyfriend, they didn't have feelings for each other it was merely a sex and alcohol type of relationship.

 

     Oh how Sylvia loved alcohol. She loved everything about it. She loved how it soothed her sorrows, she loved the way it made her get out of sorts. She loved the way it made her feel good. The worst part about this place was that there was no escape from reality. Sylvia lived for escape.

 

     Her individual therapist, Dr. Allen should have been coming soon to get her for therapy. She sat in the school room impatiently waiting on him. She had a plan to convince Dr. Allen to let her out of this hell hole. She was going to say she was stable enough to go home. Her only friends Nevaeh and Alexis had both been there over a little over a month and were on Level 2. They both said when they first arrived at New Foundations they tried to convince their therapists to pull them out. Both obviously unsuccessful.

 

     She waited and waited for her therapist to come get her for therapy. Finally around 9:30 AM he called her back to his office. "So Sylvia, how are you doing today?" "Well I'm okay but I was wondering if we could talk about something important." "Sure, that's what therapy is for." He said chuckling as he wrote something down in her case file. Therapy made Sylvia uncomfortable.

 

     "Okay I feel like I have wrongfully been placed here. I'm not crazy. I just made a simple mistake and I've learned that there is so much more to life than suicide and I'm not depressed anymore. I don't want to leave this world at 13 or any time soon. I have so much to live for. Sylvia said proudly and smiled at her therapist.

 

     "Nice act, Sylvia. How many times did you rehearse that one?" Sylvia was pissed. "How dare you sit there and call my feelings crap? This is f*****g bullshit! I'm not staying here in this f*****g place!" Dr. Allen looked at her sternly. "You will stay here until you comply with the program and the rules and you graduate." Then he dismissed her from the office and said: "When you're ready to begin treatment...We will." 

Author's Note

This is not the edited text from my publishing company, this is just my rough draft so it may not be perfect. Please ignore the typos. I know they are there. Thank youuuuu.