ACT 14 - My Secret Love

chapter 14

--- VERA's THOUGHTS SO FAR ---

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams," Dr. Seuss once said. And this, I used as inspiration. I guess he's right. For the past days after I've met my older brother for the first time - Edgar at that time, and not yet Kazimir - I felt like he was someone I had known for a long time, like since I was a child. I saw in his eyes someone who meant something to him or even everything, and that, I thought, was real. I saw myself in him. He reflected every bit of me, even if we were opposites I could still tell something's wrong. No wonder I felt like I knew him, it's because I really did. He's Kazimir Sankt, my first man who turned out to be my older brother.

Kazimir is quite a guy, ya know? He's a good-looking decisive fella about 25 years old. He's the type of guy men want to be friends with, because he's got trust and integrity, ya know? He's got character and mad skills. I'm also sure that he's the type of guy women want to be together with, because there's that special gentleness in him, respect, loyalty and courage. And women like me like that very much. He's dependable, never ever putting his mistakes on someone else's shoulder, never blaming anyone if he's got the wrong side of the court. Those characteristics would sure make him a terrific and honorable husband!

The first time I met him he was the one who came to me. I looked at him so differently, unlike the way I usually looked at men - with disgust. Kazimir was distinct. He was more handsome, he was like a guy from a dream or something. Maybe women would call him their "prince in shining armor", but I wouldn't exaggerate about this piece of "retard in tin can". Nevertheless, I still saw something surreal about him. And through this I could tell that he's not like any other common boys in town, but a scholar in the city. He's my type of guy. The guy I might have been waiting or wanting to appear ever since I turned 18.

After talking with him a little while at the hotel-casino, he brought me to his hotel and took what was precious to me. And unbelievably, that was the same time he stole my heart. I really wanted to arrest him for stealing my heart, but instead, I wanted to do the same to him. He made me fall in love with him, and I wanted to make him fall in love with me too. I guess this was where I succeeded? He did say I was his first woman, and he didn't notice that I fell for him.

Months later, my grandmother invited me to Russia, and there I found out that I had an older brother. The first time I met him his name was Edgar Sankt, my 3 years older brother. But then he suddenly changed, and he admitted to me that his real name was Kazimir. I was happy, at the same time terrified. Know why? It's because my first love was actually my brother, and he's also the man who took away my purity! I knew from that day on that I wouldn't be able to stop whatever's going to happen in the future, for the reason that he can't stop loving me, and I just can't stop loving him. I LOVE MY OLDER BROTHER. I love him very much, not as a sibling, but as another person - as a man.

"It is better to be hated for what you are, for the truth, than to be loved for what you are not, for lies," I read in some book. Surely this was the thing I have been wanting to learn. This might actually be the reason why I wanted to confess my feelings to my family. I already told my mother about this, and whether she'd care or not, it's not my problem anymore. If I had to hide our relationship from everyone, it'd mean that I would be living a lie, and that no one could ever acknowledge us.

My trainor once asked me, "Have you ever been in love?" I was surprised by his sudden curiosity, but I nodded anyways. Then he continued, "Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so weak and fragile and vulnerable." 

I thought about what he said, and maybe he's right, even though I knew he just got that from a book, but whatever. Being in love distracts people from what they are doing or focusing in. I think a good example of that are: students, specifically the females. I really hate it when some girls fail in class just because they couldn't focus; even using their crushes as an excuse. Why did they have to fail? Just because they're in love or infatuated by someone it doesn't mean that they should just let everything go. That is stupidity, foolishness. I tried my best to stay out of their business, but they were the ones who came to me, so I had to fight.

"You're lucky you're not in the mood for love yet, Vera. But someday you'll discover the reason why we can't focus." A classmate of mine said to me back in the old days. It didn't really mean anything to me, though.

I'm not quite sure why I didn't fall in love with a guy for the past 22 years of my life. But I guess now I know the reason why. I was too young, and when someone's young, she has to be disciplined. Falling in love with Kazimir was the same as falling in love with a new rifle freshly delivered from Russia or America. It was ever the best feeling of learning how to love.

Now that I have finished all the challenges and Kazimir decided to split everything in half, I only have to confess to the family about us. This may be the biggest crisis I will have ever experienced, but it's for the sake of my life, his life, and ours.

"I LOVE MY BROTHER,  AND THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL ANYONE CAN STOP ME FROM THIS HEAVEN!"

--- END ---

+---000---+

Everyone seemed to be enjoying our time together. I was thinking,  Just one more move, Vera, and everything shall be finished.

I finished my smoothie in the jar and took a glance at my grandma, who seemed to be looking at us too. When she caught my gaze, I looked down at my jar, pretty embarrassed. "Vera," she called.

 Great, now she noticed me. 

"Hmm?" I still didn't look at her. "What is it, grandma?"

"Is there something you want to say?" 

What? How did she know? "I... don't think so, grandma," I denied.

"Actually, there is," Kazimir suddenly butted-in and stood from his seat. I looked at him with suspicion. Could it be that he'll say what I wanted to say? No way.

Everyone looked at Kazimir, wondering what his intention was.

"So, Kazimir, what is it?" Grandma asked again. I saw Kazimir clench his fists. Oh no, this might've been what I haven't been looking for... Or maybe it is!

"There's been something going on in this family," he began, "and I'm pretty sure it includes my mother and Vera's father; and maybe Vera and I, too." I gulped and thought about what he was going to say. If he's gonna explain what's been happening between us, he'd better be clear, or else I'll chop them off.

"Yes, well," grandma began to say, putting her jar down. "I have been thinking about something, too, my dear." This truly shocked me. She already knew? And yet she's still so calm? Grandma, this couldn't possibly be real, right? Why is she so calm and steady? I thought she'd be willing to banish one of us from the family!

"Grandma?!" I stood up and approached her. She looked at me like she didn't know anything at all, like she was wondering why I walked towards her. Now I became confused. "Did you know? Or did you not, grandma?" I went serious. No jokes this time. All I want is the truth. 

She first stared at me, then she took a glass of water. She still wasn't speaking.

"Vera, what are you talking about?" My dad asked. I ignored him and focused my attention on my grandma. She's taking a while to answer.

She suddenly looked at my brother and I seriously, and said, "Maybe we can talk about this... in private. How about that?"  I looked at Kazimir, and he looked at me. Then we looked at grandma.

"It's a deal," Kazimir nodded.

"Alright then," grandma stood up and walked to the door. "Jules, Agatha, stay here. We'll be back."

 She went out, and we followed.

Grandma took us to the blue drawing room. The maids prepared us some coffee and tea. She sat on a couch near the fireplace while Kazimir and I stood in front of her.

"Well then... Shall we get started?" Grandma crossed her legs. "What was it again that you wanted to tell me, Vera dear?"

"I'll ask you one more time, grandma," I clenched my fists. "Did you know? Or did you not know?" I'm never gonna say what's it about, I just wanted to know if she knew what I think she thinks I knew she knew. I BET SHE KNEW.

She sighed and closed her eyes. I waited for her to answer.

"Edgar? Tell me one more time," she said and looked at the man standing beside me. I also looked at him. He smiled at me.

"What is it?" I was curious. What is it that he'd say to her this time?

Kazimir took my hand and raised it in front of grandma. "I'm in love with her." Oh good gob, he finally said it. I flushed and looked at grandma. Much to my surprise though, she giggled. Unlike what I expected of her to be screaming and yelling and saying bad things to us, she's kinda happy instead.

 She took a sip of her tea, then she came to us showing a gentle smile.

I shook my head and let go of Kazimir's hand, "Grandma, truth be told, Kazimir and I... We had met each other before everything about this whole crap happened! We met back in the Philippines; I was at a hotel-casino, when he came to me and-" 

"Good people end up in hell because they can't forgive themselves. I know I can't. But I can forgive you," she said.

"What?" DID I JUST GET A "YES" FROM HER? 

She nodded. "You're beautiful, Vera," she said. "I know your grandfather would be so proud of what you've become - my best sniper." She winked. She took mine and Kazimir's hands and held them together, then she said, "Let's just be happy that you aren't fully related to each other." What is she saying?

"Not fully related?" I asked. She smiled and nodded.

"Vera, what is your blood type?" She asked me out of the blue. I was at first dazed, but then I answered I had the type A, the same with my father. She then asked Kazimir what his blood type was, and I felt like I'd been shot to the heart with arrows of love, when he told her he had type O, the same with his mother. She smiled at me and I was amazingly stunned. "And that means you're not related by blood now, doesn't it?" Grandma winked. My eyes and mouth were left open. I was terribly overjoyed that I couldn't say anything. However, she still approved of us. She did believe that my dad and my mom were the real couple here, since my dad cut off all his connections with Agatha. THEREFORE, THE PAIRING OF KAZIMIR AND I IS LEGALIZED!

"Grandma, I can't thank you enough..." I was seriously speechless. I rubbed my eyes 'cuz I felt tears coming up. I had to suck it in. Kazimir told me that he told grandma everything before the competition began, and she was never against us, nor our relationship. Instead, she gave him her blessing. She gave HIM her blessing(and not to me?!), you say? "WHAT?!" I yelled. I felt stupid. I couldn't believe my lover(or that's what I'd like to call him) did something behind my back! And Kazimir just laughed! To hell with him! 

Grandma also laughed. "You two are very notorious for your skills, aren't you?" I was like in a play of insanity. These two may be unpredictable somehow in any way, but I still love them for who they are.

 Grandma is the most unbelievable one; her altruism took many forms, from conducting our competition to sponsoring our daily necessities. She's got some sense, and she's awesome.

Whatever dreams may come, I hope this would be the best one.

+---000---+

"Won't you come inside?" Grandma asked me since I wasn't following them back to the dining room, instead, I was at the stairs.

"I'll catch up with you," I said and went upstairs. I went to my room and got my Ipod; I wore my earphones and listened to EXO's What Is Love?; then I continued to the dining room, where everyone was waitng.

"Hello, dear!" Grandma waved at me to grab my seat. "What would you like to have right now?"

I sat on my chair, "Earl Grey, please," I told the maids.

"What about you, Kazimir?"

"I'll have frapuccino, please." Hmm? What's this? Another type of coffee? 

Grandma suddenly snickered, "Oh you two, dearest... You're a perfect combination, you know that?"

"What are you talking about, grandma?" I took off one earplug. 

She pointed her spoon at my brother and I, and said, "I noticed this one as well: my dear Vera would order tea, while my dear Edgar would order coffee. You are like my coffee and tea. Sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter, some with milk and sugar, some with just the regular - neither with milk nor sugar at all. Coffee and tea surely are the best pair, even if they sometimes have to fight, drinking the both of them would always be so right to make someone's day bright." She smiled at us. My cheeks turned red and all I did was nod. My dad and Kazimir's mom laughed. This made me even more insecure.

"WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT, DAD?!" I yelled at him.

"Oh nothing much..." Yet he was still laughing!

I pouted at him, but ignored his aliteracy anyways. I looked at my grandma and said, "Спасибо, бабушка."(Thank you, grandmother.)

"Пожалуйста, �'ера,"(You're welcome, Vera.) she replied.

Surely this was the night I have been dreaming of. I'm glad my grandmother accepted us, and I'm really happy she revealed the fact that Kazimir and I weren't related by blood. She's truly the kindest grandmother I've met in my entire life.

+---000---+

The next day, grandma invited the whole family to go out in the city for lunch. This was the first time she invited us to go somewhere out of the estate.

2 PM

We went to the famed Pushkin Café located at the center of the city, which was known worldwide as the best restaurant in Moscow. 

It took us a while to get there from the estate in the outskirts of the city, but despite travelling for at most 30 minutes, this wonderful mansion looked like it was built in the 19th century for aristocrats, and its nostalgia sent chills through me and took my breath away. I was amazed by the sight.

After stepping out of the car, the smartly dressed doormen swept us inside and down a set of wooden stairs to the mandatory coat check, a Russian standard. We were then led through the ground floor café; every table in the place was packed with men in tailored suits and women in their best dresses. Champagne glasses were filled to the brim and cigarette smoke lingered heavily in the air. It seriously felt like we were stepping into another era.

Apparently this café consisted of 3 main halls in which the interior decor revived the wonderful atmosphere of the early 20th century. The waiters that were dressed in old servant frock coats first toured us around the first level, known as the "Drugstore". The room was filled with volumetric flasks, measuring glasses and pharmaceutical scales - it was like an old drugstore from the early 20th century.

We passed through a door in the back and up a narrow staircase to the formal second floor dining room. The small, well-lit “library” room was bathed in richness. A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling. The room boasted sculpted walls accented with gold leaf, luxurious silk drapes and a working fireplace. I was amazed by their interesting collection in the hall - an antique library with about 15,000 old books; maps, globes and telescopes; all of them were original articles from Pushkin's time. I felt like I stepped into my dad's favorite art collection in the company's headquarters - everything was simply beautiful.

"�'от здесь столик."(Here is your table.) The waiters located us to a table that I knew was so familiar - seriously, this was grandma's picking, I just know it. And as usual, grandma sat at the head of the table; Kazimir and I were on the right side; and my dad and Agatha across us.

"Can they speak English?" Kazimir whispered to me. I shook my head. I wasn't really sure if they can or cannot since the way these quite good-looking waiters were talking was somehow in a beautifully pre-Sovietized Russian, and man, I just hope they can.

"Okay, so I've already pre-ordered our food for today, and all we need is our drinks," grandma said. 

I knew what I was going to order, so I told the waiter, "Стакан чая, пожалуйста."(A cup of tea, please.) Then, I looked at Kazimir, and dude, his face! Just look at his face! He looked like a cute little dog with his ears down, ahaha! But, poor Kazimir... The language he only knew was Japanese, so I had to help him out. Vera to the rescue! "�'ы го�™орите по-английски?" I asked the waiter, and thankfully he nodded. "Alright, Kazimir, tell him what you want. He can speak English, you know." I patted Kazimir's back. He sighed of relief and thanked me. Then, of course, he got his usual order: "Espresso, please."

The meal began with a huge bowl of chicken Kiev Caesar salad; it was very tasty, regarding its ingredients made from the finest quality veggies and meat, and its beautiful presentation. The next course was a steaming plate of roasted bone marrows served with chili sauce, gherkins, and a toast of honey bread. Judging by the size and quantity of each serving, I swore this afternoon was gonna be a long one, and we've just started with the appetizers.

The main course finally came: First was Russian dumplings stuffed with mushrooms; second was Chateaubriand steak; and third was a large piece of ribeye steak. It was a feast.

"Grandma, why all this food?" I asked. We were just 5 people, and yet how come she'd order so much? I was uncomfortable.

"This is our last time together, dear, and we might never see each other again for the rest of your lives," her reply shocked me to the ribs.

"What are you saying? You mean you're gonna die?!" Oops! Sorry for my foul mouth!

"Vera, quiet down!" My dad warned me.

Grandma giggled and said, "Anytime sooner or later, dear..." Oh grandma, what is she saying? I can't believe what she's saying about herself! This is kind of  pissing me off.

Time was like blown away when I took a glance at my wristwatch and saw that it was already 8:00. To hell with it.

After all the food courses that I swear I didn't count, the waiters finally served us dessert: caramel parfait with chocolate and whiskey flavorings. Oh gob, this was so delicious. I can't believe I'm eating food like this! This is the first time I've come to this restaurant, and the first time I'm eating at a fine place with the whole family.

"Grandma?" I called out to her. They all looked at me while eating their parfaits.

"What?"

"Спасибо..."(Thank you...) I spoke in a soft voice, "for everything..." I blushed.

She smiled. "Пожалуйста."(You're welcome.)

It was the most I can say for everything that has happened. It was all wonderful. Hahh... What a great way to take off my stress!

+---000---+

12 PM: Dad and I decided to take the midnight flight to go back home. That very long and heavy lunch that ended just hours ago, it felt like it fled away to some place else. It was like a fantasy. Now, I've gotta face reality: We're going back to the Philippines.

Grandma and the others dropped us at the airport, and we had to say our last goodbye.

"Grandma, thank you, for everything, for all the adventure, for your inheritance. I love you, grandma, and don't you dare forget that!" I hugged my grandmother tightly and cried my heart out. I'll definitely miss them all! Distance doesn't matter when love is real!

"You take care now, dearest," she said. "You can come back anytime, of course. After all, you still have your estate to take care of in here!" She smiled at me which brought up more tears from my eyes. After me, my dad also said his goodbye to her. I think he even cried too.

"России-замечательная страна,"(Russia is a wonderful country.) I told Kazimir. "so make the most of your time exploring the place, alright?" They still have dawn to make that happen. He and his mom were taking the first flight back to Japan tomorrow. We wouldn't be seeing each other for a long while, I guess...

He took my hand and kissed it, then he kissed me. I also felt tears coming out of his shut eyes, and this made me cry once again. "You're clearly my little sister, and mine only," he said. "You belong only to me, Vera." 

I shook my head in embarrassment and embraced him. "You've got your hotels in my country, a lot of them. So don't you dare tell me that you wouldn't go there." I wiped off his tears and he wiped mine.

"あい�-てるよ、ヴィエラ。オレは、おまえの�"と�'、だれよりすきだ,"(I love you, Vera. I love you more than anyone else.) he said, yet I didn't understand, neither did I care. 

I loved everyone in here - from my grandmother to the very last servant in the mansion. They were all the best people I have ever met. The first time I choked on their Russian food, they took care of me, and we never had traditional cuisine since then. I'm very grateful to them. They made me really happy.

"до с�™идания!!!"(Goodbye!) I waved to them as my dad and I headed into the departure area inside. "I'LL MISS YOU ALL!"

"I love you, Vera!" Kazimir took a last minute yell, and the people around looked at us and smirked.

 Ugh, was it really that romantic? (O///O) I think so, 'cuz my face turned red and I shrugged my shoulders and lowered my head to cover my face.

Sometimes when I lose I win, and this was the greatest prize I've ever received.