Breathe with me

6.14.2007 (2) [611 W. Healey Apt 9] (Song)

 

I can see that your gaze has met mine

and we’re caught in this best of lust

but sometimes we just don’t know

if this is going to pass

if this is going to be

everything that we want it to be

 

Won’t you just

Breathe

Breathe with me            (two voices)

 

I feel your body next to mine

and we’re tangled in this mess of passion

but sometimes we just don’t know

if this is going to last                              (another voice) or

if this is going to be

everything that we want it to be

 

But if you just

Breathe

Breathe with me            (two voices)

 

I know that your hand is wrapped in mine

and we’re living in this movement of love

and in every moment we know

that its not going to pass

that its going to be

everything that we want it to be (another voice) always and forever

 

And now you just

Breathe

Breathe with me            (two voices)

 

(another voice) Now you just

(another voice) Breathe

Breathe with me            (two voices)

 

 

 

Kevin M. Reader

 

Reviews

[Selena Chapman]

Sweet in its simplicity. You deliver your message with sincerity. I liked the flow and it does read like a song, with a distinctive rhythm. The imagery is good, I could picture the lovers in their tangled mess of passion on a sultry night. I liked your use of italics and bold to separate the different voices in this piece, very clever, that. My favourite part:"I feel your body next to mine and we're tangled in this mess of passion but sometimes we just don't know if this is going to last or if this is going to be everything that we want it to be"The lines:"Wont you just Breathe Breathe with me"and their variations reminded me of a breathing exercise I once read of in the Kama Sutra. Interesting that you chose that specific imagery, I have to wonder at the references to breath now... is it the sharing of breath as in that great treatise of love, listening to heartbeat and synchronizing the breath of two lovers... Very deep, indeed. Thank you for sharing, Kevin.

[Jillian Alexis (has bee..]

of course..i love this...lol.
now we both have a poem called breathe!
i love how you used the different texts to show whos voice it was...adds so much to it.
still waitin for my book! :)

[Jen Doll [helpless Are ..]

-jaw drops-
gah!!.
simply amazing.
mmm.
i like it.
very good.

[aponijose]

I do think that it has lyrical possibilities. Some pieces don't have that because they're already stuffed due to the way that they are... well either that or it's because the words have rendered themselves in a position of beauty to ride nothing but silence.

This, I think, offers a strong sense of flexibility.

Now the thing is, I read this before reading the notes that you left about the italics. I have to admit though that, to me, they gave a different effect. But that's not exactly bad.

To me, it reacted as though the whole thing was under a rush... and there you are, understanding an element of weakness... embracing the whimper that comes with the whole thing. Like your rationality is chasing after words that are emotion-made and raw. And the bold italics, to me, represented an internal yell... or the thought that is joined by something physical - a exhale perhaps; or a flinch; or a clenching of fist.

Going for this kind of interpretation, I didn't favor the misplaced "or" very much. It did, however, seem to make more sense when I read your description - given that it does relate to the actual distance between two entities...

...Like - shall we say? - an exhale from one being to another.

[Lady Muck]

This reminds me of a song by Nick Cave, Henry Lee. Don't know if you've heard of it or not but that's what it sounded like when I read it aloud. I like the dialogue between the lovers, pillow talk kind of stuff. Could you perhaps expand on this dialogue, swap viewpoints or have them speak symultaniously more? I kind of didn't like the use of "we" so much when it was only the mans voice, it doesn't ring true somehow.

Very good style and a theme that could definately be expanded on.
Good poem but not your best.

[October]

I really like this.
It has a really good rhym.
I could picture this being a song.
And it's very orginal.
Good job.
-October

[An Ordinary Woman]

Nice words and nice flow ... the message brings back memories of "Tonight's the Night"
a similar message ... very sensuous and sexy !

~the structure is good, a little bit chaotic, but the flow of words is good and it reads very nicely.

My favorite part ...
know that your hand is wrapped in mine
and we�re living in this movement of love
~ I really like and appreciate that.... nice indeed :)

Good job!

[Jessica L Auster]

This is very beautiful.

[Jenny Davis]

This is a very sensual write, with a lot of inuendo....it is obscure in a way, yet in your face with sexuality...I liked this a lot.....great job :)

[Gandré]

This is a convincing poem, so appealing your monologue so seductive yet soft.

everything that we want it to be always and forever = favorite line! it is ethereal!


It was a delightful read, my dear. lara