Lap Dance

5.20.2007 (2) [511 W. Green Apt 2]

 

Lap Dance

 

The night was old and stale.

I thought it was never going to end.

the cheap beer flowed through our veins.

we traveled for what seemed like hours.

 

The night was never intended to be so awkward

meant to celebrate the end

an end of independence

and the start of liberation

a liberated life

a life in love

a love of dedication

 

The music was loud and resonating

the purple tinted lights flooded our shirts

the whites of our shirts

the whites of our shoes

the whites of our eyes

shone as we gazed at the stage placed before us

 

The innocence of our laughter

would drown out any perversion that would glance our way

this night was not meant for anyone else.

 

In our laughter; my breath was stolen from me

as I sat at the stage’s edge

her name called out through drunken lips

her name shone through sober eyes

 

are you interested in a private dance

my name is jasmine

what’s yours

its thirty-five dollars

and its fully nude

that’s what stripping is, awkward people

you can put your hands on my a*s and legs

its alright

I’ve been doing it for awhile

it paid for my school

I style hair

I just do this in my spare time

take some off the sides

but leave it long on the top

long hair is so in these days

yeah, I like their old album

but I agree this new stuff is really awkward

you are so sweet can I have a hug?

I hope you live up to your dreams

 

calvin

uhhhh….sure there’s a first time for everything I suppose

hi its nice to meet you what’s your name

I need to warn you I’m an awkward person

have you been doing this long

what got you into stripping

no that’s alright

you ladies just deserve some respect

 I just think you ladies are so great and put up with so much and deserve more than this

oh wow where did you go to school

i’m in school too

i’m a grad student trying to think he can do his little part to change the world

and I perform comedy

big hopes of moving out to L.A. or working for a non for profit

oh wow I could use some hair advice what do you think

well have you heard the –insert pop album here-

I heard the new –insert song here- and I’m not impressed

I hope you find yours as well

 

-an awkward handshake-

-her special white towel-

-maintaining eye contact the whole time-

-just palms on thighs, not a fingertip rested-

-an embracing hug-

-a few innocent honest smiles-

 

 

 

Can I take you out sometime?

 

 

            Calvin?

                        Calvin…are you alright?

                                    I think you just passed out.

 

 

 

 

Kevin M. Reader

 

Reviews

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This is funny yet not, as I hate the thought of women who have to or just do use their bodies to make money..The decriptions put me right there and the dialogue is comdedic, the name of the woman perfect, jasmine.. This made me smile but also think of sad things.Sorry not good with critiquing!So I will simply say, good story, well written and I like it.Peace

[Contessa Nite]

hehe This was awesome. I enjoyed the imagery that you created. Periodically I would even find myself giggling out loud.

PS sry for taking so long to review your work

[Gandré]

This was lyrical, and charming ...word-scapes develop through the interaction the encounter with her. she doesn t like to do different life. she loves her way. something different write. good job. smile

[Mannix]

This is quite good. Very original. Very interesting read too. I love how you captured the juvenile nervousness and sort of cliche conversation. Excellent job.

[Tonya (the Night Writer..]

I liked this. You could really feel the nervousness in Calvin.

the whites of our shirts
the whites of our shoes
the whites of our eyes

I like this part for some reason, good visual. : )

as well as the special white towel.

great work. I enjoyed reading this.

[Erotic Goddess]

LOL! This made me laugh! Poor poor Calvin! This was great. The conversations separate, but integrated too. The ending was too too funny! I liked this a lot!!

[Beautiful Chaos]

this is amazing.i really love this.alot :]

[Heavyhearted]

ya, hardcore and so deep!!! i love it.....

[Jen Doll [helpless Are ..]

definatley hardcore.

[Sweet Addictions Is Stu..]

This was very good.
I like that you changed it up a little with the dialog.
The story line is so sad and so true, and some how you still made it funny.
:)
great job,
-S.A.

[Carrissa Cone]

I hate women who use their bodies for money, let alone.. if they have to just to get money.. that's just so sad, this has a beautiful well done dialogue. good work!
CK