My Mistake, Not Yours

I admit. It's all my fault. I am to be blamed. I have fallen for you, and now I'm nothing but broken.

Sinking, deeper than I could imagine,

Knowing it's harder to breathe and to win

From this mad war I am fighting so long,

Thinking how far I can fake being strong.

If I could have only stopped my heart,

I would have never fallen apart

There will be no sadness in my eyes

No bleeding in my chest and painful lies.

Spinning, faster than the way you fooled me,

Nothing is left but your voice and memory

That I need to bury in my mind now,

Hiding from your shadow and live somehow.

If I could have only opened my eyes,

I would have never believed all your lies

There will be no pain tearing me apart,

No hurting in my chest, no broken heart.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think about this piece. I'll appreciate it very much.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This poem expresses strong feelings in an abstract way. Everything you write is relatable as how it can feel when we are reeling in pain & blaming ourselves for making a bad mistake. I love how you use dynamic verbs (sinking, fighting, spinning) which convey how things feel, even if we do not get a clear picture of what happened. This is a fine poem, but some of the feelings you express are so often used in poetry, it's not what I call a "stand-out" kind of message. To me, a poem becomes more memorable when a writer uses more specific detail to paint a scene of what happened. It doesn't have to be a long explanation, but a few vivid glimpses would be nice. Did she tell you she was not feeling well and so she stood you up on a date, then you see her later, out having fun with someone else? Those are the kinds of details that help us connect with a heartbreak message like this, rather than staying in the area of general expression (stopped my heart, fallen apart -- this kind of phrasing is written into a million heartbreak poems already!) You are already a very good writer & your poem is well-crafted in an abstract way. Lots of people do abstracts in painting & in poetry. I'm just saying it could be good practice to try being more specific & using more detail that appeals to all the senses. Tell me how it looks, how it smells, how it tastes, how it hurts -- make me know exactly how it all feels! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[KevinKevz]

Thank you Margie. It all boils down to the reader who really appreciate my writing. I am immensely grateful for this review.

[Chris Shaw]

I felt the emotion in this piece. Love is blind. We often don't see until it is too late and broken hearts are wounds that can take a long time to heal. Nicely conveyed. First of yours I have read.

Chris

[Jasnil Chand]

The depth of emotions in this remarkable writing cannot be fathomed. Just in those few stanzas, a lot has been said.
Loved it

[Mrs Mania]

This poem demonstrates inexpressible heartache. Reading the first four lines especially, I could immediately connect to this piece because I am currently experiencing these exact same feelings myself. In a way, it was almost comforting to know that I am not the only one experiencing an internal battle between the heart and mind. "Knowing it's harder to breathe and to win"... when your heart is shattered into a million tiny pieces, it feels like being in a deep, dark pit. You feel like you're never going to get out, and it's almost as if the harder you try, you keep finding yourself slipping back down to the bottom of an abyss- soaked in betrayal, manipulation, and deceit. I think the heaviest blow is coming to the realization that you gave this person your love and commitment, only to find out later they never really felt the same way. It's almost as if they were dragging you along- creating happy, joyful memories, but only to hurt you in the end.. leaving you alone when it's all said and done. I think people like this are master manipulators, and destroyers of love.

[KevinKevz]

Thank you for appraciating my writing and that I made you feel you are not alone experiencing such pain, internal battles and self-loathing. I'm happy that for some reasons our emotions brought us together that somehow we are allies in fighting what's hurting us all this time. Carry on!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A most expressive piece, emotion and imagery are both lucid and without over detail, well done, good read.

[Abhishek Izy]

Even before reading it, I was aware of the theme and as usual, your bare laid emotions are strong and refreshing. Nice work bro

[.]

I like the rhyming scheme! And the ending lines were really great!