Bullied and Teased

Growing up in this judgmental society is so tough and makes it even more tougher because of BULLYING. I, for one is also a victim. How about you?

I know you’re tired of all the insincere,

Weighing their obscene words you always hear

Like stupid-nerd or freaking ugly,

Loser, dumb or pitiful crazy

It was atrocious if they only knew,

A cut-throat way of criticizing you.

 

Darling you are mistreated and abused,

You don’t feel worthy, you just feel used

An underdog they bully and tease,

Hiding in the shadow to listen peace

Keeping your eyes closed when they are laughing,

You cracked a smile but they are frowning.

 

Some people are cruel like sinister,

They mock and oppress just to feel better

But there’s nothing wrong with who you are,

Just be yourself and shine bright like a star

No matter how many treacherous man or woman,

Who curse and damn what they don’t understand.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Thank you for stopping by and make sure to drop your thoughts here! X.O.X.O

Reviews

[JayG]

In this you're forcing the line to the needs of the rhyme. Who would say, "Weighing their obscene words you always hear" in conversation? It reads too much like like Yoda-speak.

Ideally, the rhyme should be the perfect word for the thought, and almost seem as if the rhyming was just by chance, because of that. It may be that it scans perfectly for you, but you have intent guiding you, the reader doesn't. One handy tool is to have the computer read it aloud. That way you hear what the reader probably will.

And watch your word meanings. One can't be cruel LIKE sinister, which is a an adjective, not a noun.

Prosody-wise, you're all over the map. S1 begins with five feet, and S2 & 3 with 4. And within a given line too often it doesn't flow "trippingly" when read aloud, but should. Look at S3L3 with stressed syllables showing on the page:

They MOCK and oppRESS JUST to FEEL BETTer.

A comma after oppress might help, by acting as a silent unstressed syllable, but...

If you meant it to read as:


They MOCK and oppRESS just to feel BETTer

It drops to three feet, and my computer read it that way, but then, it doesn't match the prosody established in the prior stanzas for that line, so you might want to rethink it a bit.

Take a look at the excerpt to Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled. It's a great intro to structured poetry.

Sorry my news isn't better. But you did ask. 🤪

[.]

Both the poems you dropped on POESIA are strong equally and I can relate to both of them. Most people write poems and I could easily choose out of them. However I have choose only one out of it. I have experience being bullied. I'll try to put both the poems because I admire both lot but if not then this is SELECTED 😊 for publishing.
Thank you!

[KevinKevz]

Thank you so much for appreciating my body of works. It means a lot to me. I always write through experience and I pay less attention to technicalities. What matters to me most is how my readers can relate to it.

[Robert Trakofler]

Awesome flow to this one Kev, your message is wonderful and true, I sense you are starting to develop into a different style of write in this.. I feel a flow of more as i read this a few times. i sense an emerging voice change coming from your writing style this is exciting to see. I am sending you a PM about this If you don't mind

[Robert Trakofler]

By the way I love the picture!!!!!!!!!!!

[Onlyme]

Great poem Kevin, with a wonderful message at the end. Be proud of who you are and shine brightly. And be true to you.

[Chris Shaw]

We live in a world where there is so much intolerance. Live and let live I say. Why hurt people when you can love them. Powerful lines. Well conveyed.

Chris