Chapter One: Revelation

The establishing chapter of a song.

Leaves, falls from time

Nature’s rhyme

From the tree over mine

 

My distance is long

And you’re far gone, and I’m

Standing on Mt.Divine

 

Hiding away in a glass box

No way out, none in

The scene is open

 

Author's Note

Please keep in mind that these are lyrics and that although there are some unconventional "things" (it's late), it all flows together when it's sung and coupled with the melody.

Reviews

[Courtney]

I think that your first line is just fine, the comma allows it to be read with even spacing, that and I think that you mean it to be plural.

I also like your play with rhyme and hallf rhyme, I'm interested in where you plan on taking this.

[fireblossom]

I am glad to read a new piece of writing. While reading this I thought "this needs to be edited a few times". The words and flow felt a bit awkward.

As example: Leaves, falls from time

Should it be Leaves, fall from time? or Leaf, falls from time?

Also there is rhyme in the first and second stanzas and then it fades to none - confusing and awkward.

I will look back later to see whether you did an edit.

You have a concept so don't give up on that. Editing is the life and power of writing.