Chapter 1

"I don't think I am anyone special, indeed I don't even like myself."

A drizzling noise woke me up. I slowly removed my blanket and put my feet on the cold wooden floor. I was sitting up straight now, my headache punched my nervous system a few times more before I tried to push it away. My alarm clock was shimmering 4: 23 am, way to early to be awake. But it has been like that lately. I had no idea why I kept waking up around that time. I stood up a little shaky and snail like walked to the bathroom door to get ready for school. I don't know what else to do so rather that then turning and moving around because I can't sleep. After my shower I started to put on my make up, its not "pretty cheerleader pink" make up.. I would puke if that came on my face. Since I grew up, I more and more turned to dark shades and black of course. Yes even though it's not a color, it's my favorite color. I slowly began to make my eyes as dark as I could. There again I heard that drizzling noise that had woken me up, I looked around the gray small bathroom but nothing to be seen. I turned to the mirror again though I rather would have not done that. I hate seeing myself standing in it. It's hard for myself to see me this exposed with no where to hide. I can't wrap my head around how every single morning I can stand in front of it. But it's just something I had to live with. As I finished, I pulled my black long hair down and got the hair dryer to get it we dry as I could. Then I pulled my straightener out to get it flat and shiny, my already kinda straight hair was just bit all over the place so I liked to help it a bit. After I was done I went back to my room and saw 5:20 stabbing in my eyes. So I just picked up a book and pushed back against my bed under the protection of my blanket. When I was little I pretended it to be magic blanket which could bring me anywhere if I just picked up a book. I still like to pretend since it's such a comforting and warm feeling, even though I know that it would never happen.

After a while I came up from under the blanket, turned my eyes towards the clock, finally time to go downstairs get some food. I searched for some black skinny pants and the shirt from The Lights concert a few months ago. Weirdly both to be found under my bed. Quickly I put them on and I grabbed my Domo-Kun backpack and quietly moved downstairs. I went into the kitchen and made some cereal. It didn't take me long to finish, then I got my coat, slipped in my converse and out of the door I was. My parents were probably dead tired from work and more likely didn't hear me sweeping out the door. It was a fogged up fall morning, even though it was a Monday, some sun shined on my face and gave me a warm feeling. Since we lived in a kind of abandoned place and our road out was really long I had to walk it. Since the bus driver refused to drive all the way into my sub division. I was the only "child" around here, I kind of agreed to take the walk every morning. I had protested at first but then I got used to it and turned out to like it. Especially on beautiful fall mornings like this. This walk gave me always time to think, surprisingly today I was feeling quite good. After 11 minutes of walking I came to the road. Totally abandoned taken over by the fog made it nearly invisible. I sat down on a stone that happened to be perfectly placed there for waiting. OK maybe I carried it here to sit on. And maybe my dad helped me. But yes it was quite nice to sit here letting nature run by. Usually I'm not a nature person but this is just something I really enjoyed. Then I heard the bus coming only meters before it came to a stop I could really see it. The bus driver opened the door and said "Good Morning, Aria" she smiled. Waiting for me to reply so I answered " Morning, Ms. Haiden" The "r" out of Mrs was taking out brutally a few years ago when her husband cheated on her with his boss and took all their money and went of to California, I believe. Since then she always has been quite, rather than loud and enthusiastic. At first I liked it a lot but after a while it just didn't seem to be her and it made me sad seeing her so hurt. I walked by the little toddler, Eric, which she had to take care of all by herself now, sleeping in the first seat beside his mom. He was honestly one of the cutest children I have seen. I kept walking to the back of the bus and sat down in the very last seat on the left side. Since the one on the right was already taken by Kevin Grayson the only person on the bus by now, besides me. He was my age too, he's more quieter than me , that's why we rarely talk. Which made me a little sad as well because he actually seemed like a really nice person besides he's kind cute. I glanced over seeing him wearing dark red shaded skinnys and a black hoodie. I shyly said "Good Morning" and gave him a half smile. He turned his friendly face out of the book and replied "Oh. Hey." I always thought that we should hang out. He seems like a person who fit to be around me. But the the thing is I have always been bad at meeting new people. Then again I have known him since kindergarten, so he isn't really new. It's just difficult trying to getting to know people without acting like a total retard. I'm in grade 10 now so "Pull your s**t together Aria". " Uhm.. Hey if you... Do you want to maybe.. Uhhh hang out sometime..?" he was still staring at me with his blue eye since the other one was covered in his black bangs. Surprised by such a question he gazed around the bus for a few seconds. His voice was unsure and scared as he answered "Sure.. I would love to". I was glad he didn't just screamed "Nooooooo NEVER" at me. I smitted and added "Here's my phone number, text me when you want to plan something." I ripped out a piece of paper and quickly wrote my phone number on. He nodded and took it out of my hand, quickly he sank back in the seat and hid in his book. I just hoped today is not going to be boring as always. I stared out the window while I put my headphones in and started listing to music. The bus had already moved on from my drive way.

After riding the bus for about 15 minutes it got very noisy as more kids got on. I turned my iPod on full volume and sunk more into my seat considering I just noticed at who's driveway we were at. Myles Krey. I hated him since grade 4. There wasn't a lot of people I really despised, but him... he's the worst. 
I was in his class since kindergarten, since then he has always been the "popular" one, and well I had the hugest crush on him. Every time he talk to me I felt like Winnie Pooh in a honey Pool. One day in the beginning of 4th grade he started acting different towards me and started making me believe that he actually liked me. Everyday, at that time I was so happy to go to school nothing could bear me from going. Then a few days later he said that he did like me. I lid up like a firework inside. But after 2 days of him being my "boyfriend" I walked in on him kissing Shania Anderson's cheek. I lost my breath at that moment and died when she laughed out " Arrrria did you actually think he likes you? Haha as if, it was all a game. A joke. He's mine and always will be. Now move on and keep being pathetic" Crying I ran out of he classroom, so hurt and confused I tried running all the way home, after 1 km my mom drove by and pulled me in the car. Lecturing me that I can not under any circumstances run of like that, especially on the road and by myself. I never told anyone what really happened. But that’s what mostly caused me to be who I am today. After I went back to school, 3 days later after faking sick, I isolated myself from everyone. Now I realize how stupid it was to react like that but I can't change what I thought to be right. But I like who I am now, and don't want to change it. But after a while they forgot everyone forgot, except for me. Now since grade 9 I had to put up with him acting like he's the coolest guy in high school. And I have to put up with him talking to me all bus ride long.
And speaking of the devil. Here he comes swinging up the bus steps with his macho walk in his blue designer jeans, lacoste shirt and puma shoes. Going along between the seats and letting himself fall in the seat in front of me. I rolled my eyes. "Hey Ary" he smiled with fake flirtish wink. I whispered "Hi" still looking outside the window. Kevin looked up from his book as Myles yelled "Yo Kev, wasup?". He didn't bother and went back to reading. Myles searching for my eyes, moved his arm from the seat, took two fingers and turned my head towards his. Every time he does this it brings mixed emotions up, hate and love being turn around each other making it an unbearable feeling. "Awwe you look sad, are you depressed?" he looked at me with a fake caring face expression. I moved my head back and grunted "I'm fine". "You can tell me anything pumpkin, now c'mon tell Myles what's wrong" he noted towards me with his sinned green eyes. His silk brown hair fell into his eyes a little and he put his face side ways After 15 minutes of him trying to get me to tell him whats apparently wrong, luckily the bus stopped on the bus lane at school. The door opened and he got up moving towards it, I stood behind him waiting to move forward. After we got off he was already a few meters away he yelled "See you later Sweety!" and ran off to his group, where Shania gave me disgusted look while putting her arm around Myles's waist. I quickly put my hood on and mixed in with the crowd which was moving towards the door. I looked behind me trying to find Kevin again but only found people whispering about what Myles said to me.

The first 2 periods flew by fast math and creative writing class. Creative writing class was a way for me to get out of regular English, I like to put my Imagination on paper so it was perfect, and now I don't have to take English. Math is easy I have no need to worry since I almost ace every test. Now it's lunch time and every single person has moved back inside the cafeteria, since it gotten "too cold" outside. At the beginning of high school it didn't seem like as in a TV show where everyone has a group but now it pretty much is like that or at least for the grade 10s. I moved around the tables not paying attention to what the hell everyone was talking about. But then I finally got to my table. Noah, Rae and Morgan were already smiling at me and Noah was waving me over, clapping on the free seat beside him. I walked a little fast, knowing I'm going to be in the comfort seat of my friends soon. I smiled "thanks" and nodded towards Noah, letting myself fall onto the offered seat. "You got it all wrong Morgan, if you go through The White Forrest you Will end up at the cave where The Sword of Destiny is,"explained Rae angrily. "No, its where, you have to go through the mountains Sacred Flames then you will end up at the cave," argued Morgan," Believe me I can show you at home!". "The two arguing again?" I laughing asked Noah. "Well what else would they be doing?" I nodded in agreement . The twins finally noticed I sat down and both of them shouted at the same time "Oh, Hey Aria!". "Hi you two" I greeted. They both smiled back and their eyes lid up through their light brown bangs. I went away from their gaze and moved my attention towards my bag. Which didn't matter much since 10 seconds later they were back to arguing. I moved my hands around in my bag trying to find my lunch and I sadly realized, five minutes later, of searching that I didn't pack a lunch this morning. I turned my head to the left with a puppy-dog face. "Here you can have the rest of my Ham Sandwich". Noah smiling holding the sandwich in front of my face. Thanks you are the bestestest!" then grabbed the half eaten sandwich. I took a big bite out of it and munched while listening to the twins still arguing. Noah and I exchanged looks knowing that in fact both are wrong. Because you you actually have to swim or fly through/over The Screaming Lake and scuba dive exactly in the middle to get to the cave. We whispered deciding not to tell them, because we enjoy them arguing while not being involved in it. But after a while Noah turned his body completely towards me and asked “So are you ready for art next block?”I did the same as him and replied “Of course I am, our project needs more progress” “We still have a lot of work left to do, you know that right?” “Well obviously, I'm with you in the same class, you know,” I stuck my tongue out at him,”but its going to be awesome. I think ours is actually the best out of the whole class” Noah laughed “Well I will hope so I have you after all”. I blushed a little and bit in the sandwich again.

Noah has always made me blush. In grade 5, he moved here. I still remember how our friendship began. The day he entered the middle school,Mrs Livau (my teacher back then) during 2nd period announced “Class, Listen up! Today is a special day. A new student is going to join your class from Phoenix. So it must have been a long way from there to Caroline .” Everyone began to whisper, except for me, I just continued to stare out of the window at the back of the cl a*s on the left. It started to get too loud, so Mrs. Livau lifted her arm up and made the quiet sign. You could see how skinny she was, her arm was just like a stick, and her hair was blond and thin as well. I always thought she was pretty. After 5 minutes the door opened and Principle Scherbert, a kind of fat man with a big black mustache, entered the room. He quietly said something to Livau and then waved someone in. I looked to the front of the class, a boy with dark brown hair covering his ears, entered the class room. He was wearing black pants and a green T-shirt. Interested I looked closer noticing his yellowish shiny eyes. With a cute smile he waved to the class “Hey everyone I'm Noah” He caught me looking at him, so I blushed and moved my head to the right again to continue to look out of the window, totally embarrassed. Everyone yelled “Hello Noah “. But after thinking that I'm not going to be talking to him much, since Myles at the front already painted out to make him his new best friend while asking him a bunch of questions. Luckily that didn’t happen since Livau spoke up “Now quiet class. Hello Noah my name is Mrs. Livau and I'm going o be your teacher from now on. You can sit at the back beside Aria since its the only seat that is free right now” Shocked I looked up, seeing Myles mad and Noah smiling and walking towards me. He let himself fall in the seat beside me. “Hi, I'm Noah, and you must be Aria, that’s a very pretty name” “Yeah she just said that , but thanks I guess” I tried hiding me blushing. He always glanced at me in that class but I always glanced back, knowing it. After that class the bell went, everyone rushed outside the door even the teacher did. But I stayed back with Noah. It was quiet as I crammed for my sketch book, as I finally got it, it slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor. But before I could grab it, Noah already had it in his hands. “Is this yours?” his eyes lid up while asking. Before being able to answer he was already looking through it. Silence. I stood there switching quick gazes between the sketchbook and Noah eyes. I was biting my lip nervously, I had never ever shown anyone my drawings, well my private ones anyways. What right did he have anyways. I was just about to spaz at him but he cut me off “Wow..these are really good. I'm jealous, I can never get my eyes so perfect like you”I stared at him, almost shouting I asked “You draw?!”. He was surprised “Yes, I certainly do”, he opened his black bag and took out his own sketch book, then handed it to me “Here give it a look and tell me what you honestly think” I took it and carefully opened it. He lied, he definitley lied. His drawings were beautiful, and way better than mine. The way he drew the eyes, were so much more realistic than mine. I went through it and started to get jealous. “I just got a new one”, he said ”So there is not much in there” after he noticed that I was already at the end of his drawings. I whispered “You lied, you’re way better than me...” “I don't think so. Everyone’s style is different.” I looked up and got stuck in his gaze as he continued “But what we can do is learn from each other. I would love to learn from you as a matter of fact. Nothing can go wrong. What do you say”? He smiled. And of course he had to put on his cutest smile. Blushingly I broke the gaze and accepted “Mm, Yeah i think it could be helpful....and fun.” Then we just pushed our two desks together and drew through the whole recess. That’s when our friendship began, after that I finally wasn’t alone anymore. Since that incident with Myles and Shania the year before I let myself be left out. This friendship grew stronger everyday, we started telling us everything. I would never be able to function if this friendship was lost, I would rather kill myself. But I doubt that will never ever happen. Ding ding ding the bell went. Noah shook my arm and smiled “We gotta go”, I blinked a few times. He and I stood up said bye to the twins till later and together we went off to the art room.

We tried to make it through the hall considering it was overflowing with people. As we came to the art room. Myles suddenly jumped in font of us. I crunched my teeth, but before I could escape to the door, Myles choked my neck with putting his arm around me “Yo, Noah mind if I talk to Ary alone for a sec?” Noah and I exchanged questionable and disgusted looks. I lifted my shoulders to show him that I have no clue why. After a minute of awkward silence he decided” Sure why not. Whatever” and walked into the art room. I was kind of mad at him for leaving me alone with this dickhead. I turned around and gazed into Myles's eyes. Those perfectly green eyes, I shook myself a little to get out of his trance and asked “What do you want?” Grabbing me a bit more tightly while putting his mouth by my ear, so close he almost touched it. He whispered “Aria, did you know that you have the brightest shining eyes?”I pushed him away. He was still smiling. That smile, just that one thing that I hate about him the most, still makes my heart warm up. Again I tried to move, but he refused. “Tell me, what you really want and hurry up, I have to go to class.” I commanded. He looked down on me and explained “You see Ary I had totally forgotten to do Fridays homework in social. Too much partying, you know.” he laughed” What a crazy weekend. Anyways I was wondering, if you could lend me yours. So I could maybe copy it? Please, pretty please?” He smiled. I didn’t want to make a big scene and just get this over with. “Here take it Give it back though!” I crammed out the social homework and smashed it in his hands. He leaned in towards my left ear again. And whispered “Thank you, beautiful. And why don’t we make your pretty boy Noah a little jealous?” Giving me an evil smile, he hugged me and kissed me on the right cheek. Not understanding what he meant by making Noah jealous, I started to blush. Well until I turned my head to the right and saw him watching behind the door frame. Embarrassed he quickly turned around, not quick enough because i could see his face turn red. I felt how my heart sank to my feet, and my body became heavy as stone. Myles had already moved on, but still yelled down from the end of the hallway. “Till later Ary!” and blew me a kiss. Gosh I hate him so much. Yet I could feel my body warm up. I was glad that he was finally gone. Why did he do that in front of Noah. I cant believe how embarrassing that was. Wait a minute. Why do I think it was embarrassing? Why did my body heat up, wishing it would've never happened in front of Noah?. He's my Best Friend, it shouldn't be embarrassing. Ding ding ding . The second bell went and I quickly jumped in the class room. I moved towards our table. Noah had already put our project on the table. I looked at him, his short dark brown hair stared at me since his face focused on the painting I got one of our brushes and sat down as well. I looked at Noah a lot that class, wondering, if he was mad at me and/or if i should say something, “that Myles just borrowed my homework and that nothing happened” though i wouldn't need to explain myself. I mean i didn't call him over and made him borrow my homework. I was just about to open my mouth to say it out loud, as he asked while still looking down on the painting “So... what did Myles want?” I swallowed hard and answered “Oh nothing,” feeling this weird awkwardness I paused “he just wanted to borrow my homework... again” “Obviously, after all you are the smartest person he knows and well his IQ is negative.” We both laughed. I looked up and finally our eyes met again. Even though it was only 30 minutes, I felt empty without them. Then we argued about what color we should paint part of the painting and we were the same as before Myles showed up. But it didn’t go out of my head. Why was he so quiet before? He was so weird, I've never seen him behave that weird. The bell finally rang, without looking at the clock we had to pack up everything really fast. I slowly moved towards the door, as he was packing up his stuff. Waiting for him to follow me. Even though I was kind of glad to go to a different class, so i will forget about this feeling. “wow you take forever!” He took his back bag and so we rushed out of the door. I fell.

Someone must have tripped me! I looked up, to see Shania pointing and laughing at me. Her best friend Brittney was laughing as if it was the best joke in the world. “Kissing the ground Aria? Because you obviously can't get anything else!” the two laughed up again. All the people who were in the hall way were forming a circle around us. All of them started mumbling and laughing. I got up, Noah helped me, I shook my head at Shania and growled “You think you're so funny, don’t you?” She exchanged looks with her friend. “Well news flash for you” I felt some sort of rush for one second then I stepped towards her and pushed her to the ground. She gasped “OMG what a freak are you?” “Get to your classes students. All of you!!” shouted a powerful voice coming towards the crowd. Mrs. Callahay the vice principle, pushed her way through people to the middle. The crowd loosened and everyone walked mumbling away, except Shania, Brittney, Noah and me. “What is going on here?” Mrs. Callahay asked while looking at me and Shania. “She pushed me!” squeaked Shania while pointing at me. The vice principle starred at me “Is that true Ms. Bronte?” I was quiet for a minuted and then I tried to tell her what really happened. “Yes Mrs. Callahay, I did push her but only because she---” Mrs.Callahay shook her head at me "Ms. Bronte you know exactly that we do not hurt or disrespect other students" "But, But she trip---" I stuttered but she stopped me again " To the office NOW! Are you OK Ms. Anderson?" "Yes Mrs. Callahay" The principle nodded to towards Shania and said" Now go back to class Ms. Dale. " Brittney gave me a grossed out look and turned around and walked away. You two come with me " Noah looked helpless towards me following Mrs. Callahay. Without even turning around she strictly said " You to Mr. Florence get back to class. I looked at him while he was mouthing "I will wait in the cafeteria" I smiled at him and went ahead to the office.
We walked through the doors of the office, and then Mrs. Callahay pointed towards her room "Please sit down inside Aria. And Shania could you wait out here until I call you in?" Shania made some sort of sign that showed she understood. We went into her office and Mrs Callahay closed the door behind her. I was surprised, I thought she would just punish me. I was nervous, my hands were sweaty. She sat down in here chair and offered "Please sit down Aria and tell me what exactly happened" I waited for a second before I answered quietly "Well , Mrs. Callahay, I came out the art room to go to social and I fell because someone tripped me. At first I thought it was an accident. But as I looked up I saw Shania stood there laughing. She poured out some mean phrases. I admit I pushed her down but only because she started it by tripping." "Is that the truth Aria?" "Yes of course Mrs. Callahay" "OK, Shania come inside now please" the door opened and Shania , nose high, walked elegant in front me and sat down 2 chairs from me. "Shania can you please. Tell me what happened?" Shania put her head down and started drowning the principle in lies. She started sniffling "I was just about to go to the bathroom because I have like this major headache and as I walked by the door suddenly this crazy bi- person pushed me against the lockers and then the ground. I felt like throwing up and still do" A fake tear crawled down her face as she met Mrs. Callahays eyes. "You better go to the nurse OK?"Mrs. Callahay threw a comforted smile her way then waved her out. Thank you Mrs. Callahay". As Shania almost was out the door Callahay started lecturing me "Aria I want you to respect other students. Especially ones that do so much for this school. Ms. Anderson has nothing but been a joy and luck to this school. Her marks are high, she is captain of the basketball team and cheer leading, as well as being part of the head a student committee. We also all know she is a very beautiful person. Aria a little jealousy can happen to everyone" What the f**k. Does she actually think I'm jealous. I can't believe she just said that. Is she even as a teacher, heck as the principle allowed to say this? "But jealously should never be handled with violence. You should probably try to be-friend her a little more. As a matter of what you did you will have detention" I couldn't handle it anymore. "What?? Why do I get detention ? She started it! And why the fu- why would I be jealous of her?" "Can you please go to your last class Ms. Bronte. Your detention will be today and Thursday." "But what the hell?" "I do not allow such language in my office leave and control your temper or do you want more detention?" I looked down and stood up mumbling "whatever" as I swung out of the door. I saw Shania sitting In the nurses office. She saw me and mouthed "freak". My middle finger magically formed out of my hand and pointed towards her. I saw Noah standing outside the office "What happened? " he saw that I was pretty pissed off. "Freaken Callahay gave me f*****g detention for today and Thursday" I kicked one of the showing shelves "And apparently according to her I'm jjealous of that b***h". Noah didn't know what to say. "Wait she actually said that?" " yes" I blurted out. "What the hell?" He tried to comfort me considering I didn't make a noise "Well at least its only 2 days, besides you can always text me to pass the time" he gave me a warming smile. "We should probably go to class..." I could still hear some anger in my voice "Ill see you after social, k?" He agreed and went off to English, I followed the empty hallway to the social room. I knocked on the door. Mr. Reshukes looked up and opened the door. Quietly he asked "Where were you Aria, you're usually never late?" "I had to go to Mrs. Callahay. I'm sorry it took so long" "Its alright we are only going over the test right now" he handed me my test and pointed to the desk for me to sit down, besides Myles. 
I slowly walked to be middle of the class to the left side beside the window. As I sat down I glanced over my mark "79 out of 82". I felt a bit better after I read “Outstanding Work” written in red beside my mark.

Author's Note

_It will start of as a typically teen book but I promise as it goes on it will get more deeper.
_I know there are small grammar mistakes, but if you noticed grammatically wrong sentences I would love for you to point it out. My first language is German so sometimes I mix them up..
_This was written a long while ago. I still havent typed up alot of the story. It will get more darker as it goes on. Which is making me considerirng to change it to mature.
_Over all I would love to see what you think of my writing either way. Thank you:)