rant 0013 long day

so, I've been avoiding falling in love for a little while now. I really just don't even look for it. And thats one reason my poems have been bitter as of late. Not one part of me thinks its a good idea to even try to fall in love. so I don't bother. So what? its not like trying before got me anywhere? or anything? all it got me was insane. day after day after day of looking for love, and not once succeeding even the slightest, yet I gave it all I had. Night and day it was all I thought about, was having someone, anyone. And now I just look back with hate. And I don't see a single good f*****g thing about it. so right now, I say f**k love. Forget that anyone is happy, why? because I'm not. Because I can't stand to bare the thought that it seems everyone around me is so happy. Just writing about it is truly infuriating me. And I know, it shouldn't. Because its selfish to think that way. But its honestly how I feel. I'm just sad. Damn sad. and I just keep failing so hard its not even funny. It feels as if I just have no spirit left. No reason to hope.

Everyone else says that oh, it'll be alright. Ya know what, no. no it won't be allright. Its easy for you to say, you succeeded, you won the game already. Me I can't even get a goddamn thing.  I'm gunna end this before it gets even uglier. In fact, what you all read is only half of what I wrote :/