rantings 006 drama

There are moments in a lifetime, where changes to a person's core are made. Most recently for me, it was a the ten ton hammer blow to my heart, made by a pretty little thing, that was always just out of reach. I'm no stranger to the acts human compassion that lead to broken hearts, and all the repairs to my heart have been done by my own doing. Not once has another truly stopped, and taken the time to lend a hand to my sucking wounds. Best friends included, no one likes a whiner. And yet none of us have truly walked a mile in each others shoes. We judge callously, we ignore the cries of others, and we laugh and say what is that guys problem while we sit atop our perfect golden thrones. For example, one time, I was walking down the hall, when a guy makes a mean comment about me to his girlfriend, and she objects, but laughs with him, and right afterwords holds his hand. Why? because no one gives a f**k. Of particular Irony is that I was born with rather fantastic hearing, and as I rarely talk, I have the wonderful pleasure of hearing the meanest comments loud and clear.

Part of me clings to the hatred of others, as I call upon my displeasure, I somehow feel as if I have lived a little more, through the scarring comes thicker skin. But as the flesh tears under the weight of another devastating blow, the thicker skin only provides a seam, with which to be ripped asunder only speeding the bleeding. Bashed, pummeled, and broken once more, I begin to ponder the point in reconstruction. To become the final sobbing mess that the world seems to hunger without end, for me to be, maybe then it wont hit so hard, or perhaps it will redouble it's efforts with glee at it's own success. Either way, it's a hard world, and I plan to stick around, perhaps I should be soulless too, and step on the heads of those even worse off then me. But nay, that is not the path I choose, just the path that is so trodden, and intersecting with mine, I wonder if I'm an intersection for them, or they for me. I just hope I reach a point of respite, before it rolls around again, otherwise, the repairs might be too much.