Symphonic Torture

That sweet clarion call,
bellowing, wailing through the night air,
pierces the sky and calls the clouds
as a kettledrum's roar crashes overhead.

The tone of the silver trumpet,
shines as brightly as the lightning.
As the dark emptiness I endure revives,
and rapes the melody, breeding a hollow discord.

My heartbeat irregularly pounds within,
as fear tightens the sinews and strangles it.
That silence, that loss of breath
is my never-ending counter melody.

I sway in time to unheard beats,
the forlorn dirge that fuels my fire,
though the very blood in my veins is tinder,
the spark of minor keys lights me ablaze.

I writhe under the contorted maelstrom,
that faint, resonant, chorus lingers,
the dying song slowly ebbing away
as the quiet of the sforzando soul curdles.

That pain in the surreal notes plague me,
but the ears that cannot hear, hiss with the cry
of the sirens employed by the angel of death
coming to collect that corpse of a song.

That which dwells upon the bloodied score,
that waltz of souls,
that dance of death,
a stark contrast of true feeling, the song over.

Reviews

[Further]

Reminds me of a song I know.
And don't rewrite it. You can never quite re-capture what you were feeling at the moment you write a poem.... and I think it's great anyway.
Sometimes I go back reading old poems of mine thinking I should change this and change that but I usually just leave it as is because that's just the way it came out.
Not meaning to ramble.
Great work :)

[Sarah E.G.]

This piece just spills over with emotion and grace and darkness.... Me thinks you deserve the feature! Congratulations :]

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

I don't quite think you need to bring it to life. I'm pretty convinced that it's fine the way it is, you're just analyzing it in a way that it doesn't really need to be analyzed; in other words, that kind of dead, yet indescribably interesting, vibe the reader gets when they really absorb it is exactly what this poem is for. ;) I'm not sure if that makes sense to you, but I tried my best to word it. Anyways, it sounds really amazing, and the amount of impressive imagery that you used is pleasantly entertaining. The way you opened and closed your poem was perfect and the middle stanzas were excellent; there's no need for change. ^^

Ironically Yours, -Blade and Blood

[Jeremiah Medina]

Damn...i love the imagery in this. I agree with legion there is no reason to change perfection. Your description of this terrible music is perfect and the way it started was amazing. No need to fix it, be damn proud of it.

[Legion]

Why would you want to change perfection. This is inherently deep and reflects the murder of a musical piece so well. Love it.

[Rain]

I'm not going to attemp to revive something whose hearts still beats. Your intent was to write the emothions and feelings of a band whose song withered during it's performance. I don't think you can do much better in describing it. I feel guily throwing all these compliments at your writing. But, maybe others are not taken aback because of their talent, but you write for people like me, not them. Rain..

[Keri]

I think this poem is quite alive. Describing music is incredibly difficult. I've tried with only a few bright points of success and this one actually has many. A number of excellent lines!

If you're really looking for advice...I think maybe you could end without the last stanza. Maybe it could be retooled, as it is it goes off into something else. Also something is nagging at me about being taken somewhere you don't want to go...something I'm not reading, but feeling viscerally. Maybe you could play up on that?

[Rogue Daffodil]

You've captured such butchery in elegant, imaginative words. I saw myself right there in the audience, feeling the discord. You brought me back to days years ago, when such happenings were common place in my life. It was a time I treasure deeply, so thank you for triggering my memories. :)

[Nameless]

wow the sound of your words interacts really well here, and the metaphorical and/or personified way you described the music was soo creative and interesting. you might want to rethink the ending though, that last line feels unpleasantly abrupt and it's meaning doesn't really make sense with the rest of the poem. but other than that one line this is really well written

[C.J. Klein]

Wonderful! The only suggestion I would even attempt to offer has to to with the abruptness of some of the lines in your stanzas. Read them out loud and perhaps you will see what I mean... But on the other hand it does lend to a feeling of over all dissonance - jarring sounds and just a touch of discomfort to go along with your intelligently crafted prose... ( perhaps what the audience was feeling... )

Very enjoyable, you have all the marks of a great writer, keep it up.

~ Caroline ~