Which Way to Kansas?

"what happens when you mix John Prine and Scotch"

It’s difficult, but not impossible, to make plans 

to avoid the disasters other people have booked 

for their summer junkets. Lobotomies 

can be scheduled almost year round these days -- 

wherever there’s a butcher, cobbler, and 

a lollipop dispenser. My haberdasher 

suggests I google Mogadishu. Beach front 

accommodations are exceptionally cheap, 

especially off-season, due to the shilling’s depression,

and one rarely finds the restaurants over-crowded 

with the sort of clots that clog the arteries 

along the more favored boardwalks. We’ll see. 

There’s still time to decide, a marble or two 

to be knuckled through the ring, a hop

Scotch sundae to cherry top …  

whether her mother’s included in the package. 

If I’m sounding a little cyanic, perhaps, 

it’s due to my ingrown nature:

I have neither the disposition of the orbit 

to speak in the elliptical tones certain people consider 

the polite way to clutch at straws over a coffee --

nor the inclination of the satellite to circle 

the drain of prefabricated shop talk in order 

to keep the conversation moving along: 

if you can’t articulate what it is you want 

don’t look to me to wax your surfboard -- 

I’m just not that interested in being the big kahuna.

Buster Keaton’s more my kind of diplomat.

I’d have thought by now it would have become

quite obvious: I’m oblivious to the normalities, 

being a normal everyday conspirator 

in the constipated continuum of the United 

Farts of Orkodio, the UFOs. I’m a tight a*s,  

no s**t bull s**t s**t on before being s**t on 

ball bearing bull running shark repellent 

Conquistador. A straight shooting walking-

talking carcass of confusion. A neurological 

disorder. More dreadable than Mordred, 

capable of the incapable leap to hyper-

spaces no other chimp’s ever scaled before. 

Have you seen my pill-box? I’ll bet 

you my rainbow’s got more colors 

than yours. This one makes me invisible. 

That blue one turns me red. The odd ones

are for my even days. The evens 

I rarely take, they tend to leave me feeling 

unleavened. Sort of how I was back 

in my Dear Abby days. Before I landed

on Ann and discovered I much preferred 

the epidural. So much more sublime.    

On Mondays we make moon pies

from all the leftover crackers the crows 

 

left behind. I love how the marshmallow melts 

slower in my right cheek for some odd reason --

a residual of my antiestablishmentarianism, or 

maybe just a sign of the times? I don’t know, 

don’t care much anyhow. I  just go 

as the wind takes me, a rolling stone, 

Babblin’ O’Reilly drifting away 

watching the tower from the dock of the bay.

 

By the way, could somebody turn off 

that racket. I’m really more than a little tired 

of listening to the news of how other people 

can’t afford the cost of a flight to Lobotomy. 

Ken e Bujold

Author's Note

if i die before I write another, I can go in peace. This is as much fun as I have had in a long time. Channeling the Ash, beats, and Dali into one heaping mess of tongue in cheek wordplay. Hope you all enjoy nearly as much as I had in composing it.

Reviews

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Ken,

I am thoroughly and invigorating-ly pissed off ... And loving every minute of it ... All but one pertinent thing that is a thang to words that rhyme with bang: It took Jacob Erin-Cilberto's time off from the 'Cafe in order for me to stumble upon your personal wit of genius ...!!! ... Holy f*****g s**t ... I thought I was the sole survivor of that long lost country called Alliteration Nation ...

I have a problem with your, overall, attitude: I do fear it may be more superbly refined in not giving a s**t time to mine, which is totally give a s**t-less ... Or so ... I thought, until I stumbled upon this wonderfully beauteous page of yours that makes clear we are all Human-W****s ... Those of us who actually remain Humanly Humane than is ... And not, Sheeple-People-Cattle readied for war and for battle, wearied only by reality-shows reruns become sit down take a s**t sitcoms of who is the prettiest or handsomest b***h at the prom of overnight sensations being that of existing for/and at the behest of the overly Divine (Self Forked/Self Tined) United Nations, or DC's reigning, ruling, currently or future, elected feces spewed upon that next tiniest tiny & helpless nation which our innocence born U. S. of A (Arseholes?) nation chooses to vilify & invade in order to Liberate free people from their lives of security's very concept of Freedom, and that in the very name of Fascism's Capitalism drenched & driven Democracy Autocratic Plutocracy that preaches Freedom & Liberty, whilst always delivering the Bullshit of Fallacy, and that, flagrantly in s**t's smell of not so fragrantly ...

Very inspiring reading, as I do hope that you can tell ... I love your work, and most thoroughly enjoyed reading your heart and mind set to pen of page ...

Sometimes, i feel like a nut ... Sometimes, I don't ... But, rarely is it that, I don't ... Ain't you paddy wagon glad that you do live (damn shore RRRR blessed) to live upwind of that most Wholly & Focused on Liberation Nation called America? ... I love it, but would damn sure like to change all that is wrong with it, save those idiotic acts of attempting to erase History from which, it doth appear, are the only grains that remain of any refrain of seeing things remain moronically the same stupidity denied as our yesterday's hell bent in denial of soon becoming America's tomorrows ... All for the lack of sincere sorrow's repentance and remorse for a past we continue to deny in choosing to conquer all the world via an American Dream's all encompassing Lie ... Do the tiny nations, bully the world ... Who gives a f**k who dies ... As long as it ain't, tain't you, or I ... Is this a rant, because I can ... Or because I can't ... Rant, that is ...

Absolutely Loved It!!!

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

[Ken e Bujold]

rant on rant on MT. glad for the very engaging review. as for myself, i am an apolitical spirit of life, except when i not, which is most times. I too love to rant about the injustices of our times, having seen far too much of it up front and personally through my travels and travails across this insignificant by times odd sphere. enough so, that now entering my gray zone, my sole weapon left is my words, and i now chose to wield them to leave record to all that i have felt, seen and swallowed. with wit if at all possible. my purpose is to lighten the load of fellow sojourners. hopefully they enjoy, which you obviously seem to have done, and hopefully to have them recognize a bit of their own selves, and to know they are not alone or singular in their thoughts and experiences and that is what makes life good...we are a species after all, not omnippys.

thanks for getting my day off on a great inch by this very engaging read.

ken

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham]

I truly enjoyed reading, as well as babbling on and on in mindlessly open reply ...

Marve

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Did you know that Ann told people not to feed the pigeons wedding rice because they would explode...the pigeons, not the people. It's true. John Prine wrote to Dear Abby and told her his fountain pen leaked. I heard about it on the radio. I drove to Kansas once. I saw some grass and a telephone pole and a cow and some more grass and some wheat but maybe that was grass too. If I ever go back I'm flying. They' have spinning houses there that do that I'm told. Well, actually, I saw it in a movie. Flying monkeys and munchkins, but this was fun. We must do it again sometime if we ever get off the lollipop chain-gang, guild or Gilda Radner or whatever. Roseannadanna banana babana Havanna and Cuban cigars. Cheers.

[Ken e Bujold]

haha, love the review Fabian. would appear you have traveled similar highways to the ones i have.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

The only difference is you need scotch to get there. I could do this playing hop-scotch. (laughing) Or maybe I'll just skip the scotch. I miss JP and Steve Goodman. I've chased lots of rainbows down dead-end one way streets. Did I mention one of my mentors is Tom Robbins? He lives just up the road from me. I used to live in Boone but it got too cold for me in the winter. I had to move south a few miles. Anyway, Tom wrote some of the coolest off the cuff stuff ever printed. He's ninety now, not dead or anything, just no longer writing novels. Did you ever Paul Squires? He gave me an invitation to come down and visit him in Australia but I never got to go and he passed away before I could get free. He was a helluva great guy. He taught me a few computer tricks like how to make my own podcast etc. He was a real support to so many other poets here. Ah well, I digress, and regress and now I must egress. Farewell, my fellow poet. If you ever get out to my fair state...North Carolina, not that I'm in a very fair state...I'm getting old myself. But let me know your coming and we'll go out for coffee and talk shop. Cheers, F.

[Ken e Bujold]

wow. i love robbins. consider still life with woodpeckers to be one of the funniest, and most poignant novels i have ever had the pleasure of reading. For me, very early support came from canadian icons bp nichol (dead much too young) and michael ondatjee ... both university profs of mine. and should i get down your way will most definitely take up up on offer of a joe

[willweb]

I don't recall if I just read this or started three days ago when you posted it and just now finished, either way I think the Finnish people would understand much more than I would and what the hell is up with the non- waxing of my surfboard...I mean sheesh, just because I am a little late to read your poem? Ok, now onto the real review...WOWSER!!! Talk about a collection of all of the things we think about but never speak of out loud, I think you have them all except missing out on Dick Van Dyke on the Masked Singer. Ooops, I hope I didn't spoil that for you. Ok, now to the really real review. My friend, your talent amazes me. This was way too cool. I don't know how I miss it when you posted it but I am glad I found it now.This had me laughing.

[Ken e Bujold]

no worry will, you eventually made your way to Kansas

[W. Barrett Munn]

While reading this I began thinking, ah, Ashbery, but then it twisted through the looking glass and I thought I’d see the Cheshire cat but instead found an unwilling surfer boy waxing poetic.
Much fun had by all.

Winston

[Lisasview]

Oh my goodness Ken...This was really quite a ride!!
You have such a marvellous way of expressing yourself in a story like manner. Hey, perhaps writing short stories might be right up your alley.
A stream of conciseness is one of my most favourite ways to write...when I am not concerned about meter, etc.
I used to write without looking down at the paper...just random thoughts..which actually ended up with as a little story..no punctuation, etc..There is a word for that type of writing, can't think of what it is right now..
Anyway, so glad you posted this as it will stay with me for a very long time..maybe forever...
Lisa

[Ken e Bujold]

thank you for kind thoughts Lisa. Glad you enjoyed.

[Lisasview]

You are so welcome

[Chris Shaw]

I will remember this poem forever, when planning a summer junket. So much fun. Lobotomies eh :) And your toilet talk so reminds me of my much missed brother who just had to get a fart, a s**t, a piss or t**d into his conversations. He just couldn’t help it. We called it Garrett speak and he had a habit of using it of course, at the wrong time which would have us all roaring with laughter even more. Never constipated when it came to words. You have some imagination Ken. Thanks for a great early morning read.

[Ken e Bujold]

glad you enjoyed Chris. I sure did in writing it. Once upon a time this was the only way I wrote...wild swinging stream of conscious stabs at the universe. Then over time I returned to the scriptures as they say. Still, was a hell of a lot of fun ...just me, some scotch, john prine in the earpods and let it rip

[Chris Shaw]

You had the right company then :)